Hey Barrington, just read your script and all in all I liked it. My only concern is the beginning. I thought it was a bit boring. I think it should start with a little more pizzazz. My initial thought was to start with Skylar and Dillon in the doctor's waiting area them discussing the miscarriages etc. After a few scenes blah, blah, blah the building explodes. But now I'm not sure! Anyway, just a thought. On page 109 shouldn't Dillon have dialogue? Something like: DILLON She's not here. On page 113 shouldn't Skylar have dialogue? SKYLAR It's OK.
Hope this helps.
The tagline sounds similar to Children of Men.....?
all i can say god bless you
I really enjoyed this script. I liked the characters and thought the story was very well developed.
I got sucked into the story...and couldn't wait to see how it was going to end. Some really interesting plot twists and quite a bit of suspense. Sci-fi is one my favorite genres and I thought this was really done. I could definitely see this appearing on the big screen.
Comments on 2nd draft by Barrington.
Other than the page 2 prologue, the next 40 pages are slow and too long a setup. It is about page 40 or so and late in the movie before the threat and call to adventure begins. The building explosion starts the first real action. BOOM THE BUILDING EXPLODES does not show the real threat or horror like a description of some sort.
Thoughts: Skyler only protects her coming child. She takes little or no action and at the end meekly waits for the invasion watching her children militia grow. She needs to take charge, be making ready, be the leader with her alpha child.
Make the dreams and the coming threat more real and horrible. Too many unanswered questions. Why isn't the goverment helping them. The government agent should be a more personal threat to her.
I was caught up in the reading. The formatting and screenwriting were very good. Only the body of the movie needs to be redone. Look at the trailers. Is the threat the horrible invading force? Is it shown? Is she just threatned? Do they just want to study her alpha baby? Are they really trying to kill her? Is she ever in real danger to herself and her child?
I hope these thoughts help.
As much as I liked the script I couldn't help but compare it to the main X-Files storyline. Scully gets impregnated with a hybrid baby that is supposed to be a 'super soldier' against an on-coming alien attack... Sounds familiar, no?
