Notes on the ZvG storyboard

Since I wrote the script that won the ZvG contest (script 71 below), I have a certain bias in favor of my own work. :)

I'm glad to see that many of my new characters (Hermann, Daria, Lavinia as empress, Baby Marcus, Strabo, the Bokor, and Ezana) and some of my situations (the dungeon and the army camp) remain.

However, (at least from what we can see from the story board) this version is missing many of the fun set pieces from previous versions, like the initial banquet/orgy, the brothel scene, the zombie banquet in the palace, etc.

I think the biggest problem here is that the story has been over-simplified and dumbed down too much. Of course it's hard to tell from a storyboard, but this is all action and no character development.

Also, what's presented of the dialogue is stilted and cliched. AS can do better.

Character is revealed by choices, and we see little of those choices here.

In particular, we don't see what makes Titus worthy of becoming emperor, or what makes him interesting as a person. He's just a hunk with a sword; so what?

I really don't like the idea of Titus being the emperor's brother. And I don't buy that Titus would just pop up in the arena after leading a rebellion.

Where did Flavius THINK Titus had been since then?

And WHY is Titus working as a gladiator?

What does Titus WANT when the story opens?

What was the rebellion ABOUT? WHY did Titus lose?

This setup doesn't seem thought through at all.

And I REALLY hate the whole Orcus thing. It just doesn't fit, and it's not needed. The fact that it's nonsense as history (the Romans didn't perform human sacrifice) is the least of the problems. It just feels cheesy and melodramatic to me.

OK, "Clash of the Titans" was as dumb as a post and still made lots of money. But "Gladiator" made more (in current dollars) and won Oscars. A good script/story doesn't cost any more than a weak one.

I'm very interested to know what others think, especially if they've read my version!

I just realized that something was missing from the storyboard that would make it make more sense.

Maybe Flavius SENTENCED Titus to become a gladiator after the failed rebellion -- but made him fight in a mask that was locked on. That would explain the whole mask bit and why Flavius was mad when the mask came off.

Hard to put back story like that in a story board...

But since fighting as a gladiator was akin to a death sentence, why not just kill him in the first place and get it over with? It's not exactly "letting him live."

And why not simply kill him once he's been revealed as a gladiator? Why go through all the business with the Bokor?

Does this lapse of logic/motivation bug anyone else or just me?

The storyboard system makes sense, and helps the transition from novel format (which wins competitions in the US) to an actual filmable screen format where visual storytelling wins Oscars...Film-goers don't usually read books

An well-earnt "WELL DONE, LAURI !" is due from me. I'm your biggest critic. Fair play. Only positive can come from this whole metamorphosis of the 'amazonstudios' system.

Memorable quotes from Gladiator...

http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0172495/quotes

I liked the storyboard but reading your comments and understanding your vision better, it does disappoint on the points you made. I assumed the storyboard was very abbreviated but I would have loved to see the Zombie banquet and heck, the orgy too. Your story could go two ways as far as I can see. Keep the orgy and make the story more dramatic than action packed, or take the orgy and sacrificial/rape out and make it more adventurous and action packed...just enough ummph to get an nc17/r rating. Will it be Gladiator or Prince or Persia? Either would be good and make alot of money. I prefer Gladiator