Hi Louis,
(sorry for my english)
I'm here to give back the favor that you did to me by readind my script.
I have to say that I find you show compleatly amazing. You have a great story here and you write MAGICALLY well. Yoru script has energy, good flow, the reading isn't boring and you have a great skill to create nice gags. The concept is nice and you can have a great show here. I have just a few points to tell you, but please, understand that I'm not a professional writer and all these notes are hy humble OPINION.
* Little less violence on the princess face-down on the road. I think its visually agressive to a kid's show.
* Things evolving too fast, or too easy? I think its all working the way you wrote, but also I guess that this can be more hard to the protagonists. If they get easy in all troubles the spectator will loose the tensions when they are captured or in problems, because they will know that they have a perfect combination;
* I like the princess character but I miss the sloppy partner. Since Angelo and Conrad are booth inteligent, skilled and smart, you have kind of a perfect team. If you have a flaw, or a weakness point (more than the princess) I guess the story could be more appeal and real for me. It's a little of what I said on my last note. But its just a hint, I don't know if I'm saying nonsense.
*Another brainstorm: I would make Angelos a Fake Hero. I would make Conrad does all the heoric stuff and Angelo get the rewards. I don't know if it will work this way, but it's something to think. (they told me to this with Jeff and Leonard and I didn't agree with that. I would totally understand if you think like me).
*The story is about the Angelo's Sidekick right? I got that you gave the Conrad character a good role in the show, but I didn't feel that he is the protagonist... When I read the title I wonder that I was about to watch(read) a series that the Sidekick is the main character. So I guess this won't happen, since I felt that Angelo is the true protagonist.
That's it. Sorry if I spoke too much non-sense, but my intention was only to help you to improve your show.
Wish you the best luck on your project,
Artur.
(sorry for my english)
I'm here to give back the favor that you did to me by readind my script.
I have to say that I find you show compleatly amazing. You have a great story here and you write MAGICALLY well. Yoru script has energy, good flow, the reading isn't boring and you have a great skill to create nice gags. The concept is nice and you can have a great show here. I have just a few points to tell you, but please, understand that I'm not a professional writer and all these notes are hy humble OPINION.
* Little less violence on the princess face-down on the road. I think its visually agressive to a kid's show.
* Things evolving too fast, or too easy? I think its all working the way you wrote, but also I guess that this can be more hard to the protagonists. If they get easy in all troubles the spectator will loose the tensions when they are captured or in problems, because they will know that they have a perfect combination;
* I like the princess character but I miss the sloppy partner. Since Angelo and Conrad are booth inteligent, skilled and smart, you have kind of a perfect team. If you have a flaw, or a weakness point (more than the princess) I guess the story could be more appeal and real for me. It's a little of what I said on my last note. But its just a hint, I don't know if I'm saying nonsense.
*Another brainstorm: I would make Angelos a Fake Hero. I would make Conrad does all the heoric stuff and Angelo get the rewards. I don't know if it will work this way, but it's something to think. (they told me to this with Jeff and Leonard and I didn't agree with that. I would totally understand if you think like me).
*The story is about the Angelo's Sidekick right? I got that you gave the Conrad character a good role in the show, but I didn't feel that he is the protagonist... When I read the title I wonder that I was about to watch(read) a series that the Sidekick is the main character. So I guess this won't happen, since I felt that Angelo is the true protagonist.
That's it. Sorry if I spoke too much non-sense, but my intention was only to help you to improve your show.
Wish you the best luck on your project,
Artur.