A Participant says:
This is a very nice premise.
It almost has a 'British' feel to it - and I'm not saying because of Riley impersonating her cousin. It's the setting. I mean - faking own death - that's pretty morbid by American standards.
American comedy would be wacky characters in real situations, while Brits would make a morbid situation and act as if everything is peachy.
I also like your description: retro-futurist. Yes. Your show has a retro-futuristic quality to it. Go for it. I think - Consider slate is a plus, but you should be put to development slate.
What i'd go for is the tail. The ending. The resolve of the situation is a bit dwindling... I'd love to see a far more unexpected resolve of the situation with Jake. I have a feeling it's not implausible enough for it to be plausible.
And the last scene. That's really something that needs to nail it. You took the easy way out and just did a freaking "cha-cha-cha" at the end. (almost literally). What was that for an ending to this colossal setup?
Just a thought: Find the most implausible "deus ex machina" solution to the Jake problem. Then, after the out takes, just reflect briefly something in the vain of "what-have-we-learnt-today children". Then - in Riley's old fashion - prove that she hasn't learned anything. Let her do an even worse thing that faking her death.
Which would be - using Hitler instead of Stalin (just in case).
Congrats and cheers!
It almost has a 'British' feel to it - and I'm not saying because of Riley impersonating her cousin. It's the setting. I mean - faking own death - that's pretty morbid by American standards.
American comedy would be wacky characters in real situations, while Brits would make a morbid situation and act as if everything is peachy.
I also like your description: retro-futurist. Yes. Your show has a retro-futuristic quality to it. Go for it. I think - Consider slate is a plus, but you should be put to development slate.
What i'd go for is the tail. The ending. The resolve of the situation is a bit dwindling... I'd love to see a far more unexpected resolve of the situation with Jake. I have a feeling it's not implausible enough for it to be plausible.
And the last scene. That's really something that needs to nail it. You took the easy way out and just did a freaking "cha-cha-cha" at the end. (almost literally). What was that for an ending to this colossal setup?
Just a thought: Find the most implausible "deus ex machina" solution to the Jake problem. Then, after the out takes, just reflect briefly something in the vain of "what-have-we-learnt-today children". Then - in Riley's old fashion - prove that she hasn't learned anything. Let her do an even worse thing that faking her death.
Which would be - using Hitler instead of Stalin (just in case).
Congrats and cheers!