Hi Robert, Jaime and John!
I took a time to read your script and while I was reading I took some notes about the script. I didn't finish the reading yet, but I realize some stuff that I would like to share with you guys.Since I'm not used to Primetime Comedy, I'm sorry If I'm saying non-sense here.
Notes:
*big discriptions on the beggining... after you recover the script rythm, but I feel that you could simplify some lines at the start of the script.
*nice english. you have a good vocabulary;
*big dialougues and too much talk on the scene with Megan and Max. I mean, maybe is your intention to set the mood for some intelectual battle between the two characters, but I think this can be reworked maintining the intention but setting some actions to give your script more flow
*you recover the balance between action and talk later!
*nice gags and jokes.
*need more action on some scenes... there is too much dialogue.
So that is it. I would like to say that it's just my humble opinion and I hope that I could be useful. When I finish to read the entire script I reply this post with the rest of the feedback!
Wish you guys the best luck on this project and I'm waiting to see it comes alive!
Thank you,
Artur
Ps.: I would be glad to read your thoughts about my show.
I took a time to read your script and while I was reading I took some notes about the script. I didn't finish the reading yet, but I realize some stuff that I would like to share with you guys.Since I'm not used to Primetime Comedy, I'm sorry If I'm saying non-sense here.
Notes:
*big discriptions on the beggining... after you recover the script rythm, but I feel that you could simplify some lines at the start of the script.
*nice english. you have a good vocabulary;
*big dialougues and too much talk on the scene with Megan and Max. I mean, maybe is your intention to set the mood for some intelectual battle between the two characters, but I think this can be reworked maintining the intention but setting some actions to give your script more flow
*you recover the balance between action and talk later!
*nice gags and jokes.
*need more action on some scenes... there is too much dialogue.
So that is it. I would like to say that it's just my humble opinion and I hope that I could be useful. When I finish to read the entire script I reply this post with the rest of the feedback!
Wish you guys the best luck on this project and I'm waiting to see it comes alive!
Thank you,
Artur
Ps.: I would be glad to read your thoughts about my show.