My pitch (kinda). Thoughts?

So I didn't get my submission in on time. I won't post everything because I've seen these tend to get lengthy, but I did want to share my general take and see what you all think.

I struggled a lot with the premise. It seemed to lend itself fairly easily to Sci-fi (refuse to call it SyFy) channel plotting...which I guess is true with most sci-fi loglines.

Rather than go too much into specifics of characters, beats, and all that jazz, I just wanted to share my general thinking for your feedback.

My initial approach centered around the idea that we've started to see AI and computers really start to effect things. Hell, they're trying to use computers to cure cancer, to crack that biological code.

And you're seeing all of the tech in the military these days. So at first I thought I was going to go with AI-droids and that drama (wisdom of man vs wisdom of machine), but it dramatically/thematically sucked in the third act in every iteration. Every version led down incredibly cliche territories that eventually led to the realization that "man will always be more valuable than machines." True, but tired.

So then I figured: Okay, but right now we're using computers more to inform military intel/strategy. We're using it a BIT in battle, but in the future this contest sets up there aren't any human forces left. How the hell do we get to that level of doing away with human forces?"

So I figured: "What if aliens made contact before the start of this movie? What if they invaded around 2020-2025 and human forces were nearly useless. So in defense we ended up relying heavily on AI to figure out how to attack, and droid units to do battle up close & personal?

And after we defeated them, what if there were a UN agreement that basic droid defense technology were shared globally in case the aliens returned, since it didn't seem like a large battle regiment initially attacked. It seemed more like a scout unit? In turn, droid technology and droid war became the fundamental international power struggle. It would make sense that with other nations building up droid defenses and the looming fear of an alien return, that ground units would fade into the background.

And then the Army would become an organization of intellectuals. What would become of the veterans? The more physical force?

What if they joined/created private paramilitary organizations that use military processes for private reconnaissance missions, particularly for businesses. It would be a use of their particular knowledge and skills that would be valuable and applicable.

So long story short, this attack ship would arrive and the droid army would inexplicably be disabled by it. The Army would have to hire these private militaries to investigate the situation. There would be tension between Army/private veterans. There would be tension between the US and other nations, thinking it was an attack by another country to get a leg up on the US.

Then all assumptions would be flipped by what the private military discovers (private military would be run by the protagonist). They would discover that the attack ship was an alien ship. Since they were eventually beat last time, the invaders decided that rather than return with a huge army to conquer earth, they would use this attack ship to reprogram Earth's droid forces to destroy Earth.

This would lead to a huge conflict in the second half of the film. First the realization that the technology Earth created to defend itself could end up destroying it. Then the question of how the heroes could possibly hope to defeat the aliens without their only known and proven line of defense. There would be huge obstacles & huge philosophical questions at play.

Then I started outlining all of the characters, beats, etc so I can come up with a condensed pitch that captured the grand scale of the film along with the "beef," the details of how everything would play out.

But I didn't get my pitch done in time.

Any thoughts?

Apologies if the post reads like I'm thinking out loud. I was writing it quickly during some dead time at work since I couldn't get it off my mind.

Well let me a take a stab at your thoughts.

First off, I too was in a similar situation and ultimately didn't get in a pitch for probably the same reason as you: the scope of the story is simply too large.

Now, that's not saying you can't have an epic scale alien invasion against earth, it's just, for all intents and purposes, unless you are Wells, Asimov, Clarke, Heinlan or any of the Sci-Fi greats, it's going to be really damn hard to do so. What their stories did so well was take a concept and blow it up to extremes on a global scale to see how it would pan out. One of the themes H. G. Wells explored in the late 19th century with War of the Worlds was the idea of a "superior race", what morals should they follow and what consequences does that have on the races deemed inferior? Well, the superior aliens all but wiped out and enslaved the human race were it not for a deus ex machina. Pretty interesting ideas especially in context of eugenics and German nationalism of the day...

So, while it is nice to dream big and think of an epic scale earth invasion from aliens, you must first identify the central issue you want to explore and then use aliens as a metaphor to represent this issue. Understand? In War of the Worlds the aliens represented the effects a superior race would have on earth. In District 9 the aliens represented illegal alien discrimination and apartheid to great effect. If you start thinking in terms of metaphors that represent key features of your story's premise, you can begin to expand your story and add layers of complexity...

Your stream of consciousness pitch touches many different themes that might be interesting to explore, but you bounce from one to the other without really landing on any specific one. So do this: pick a theme you want to explore, just one for now, and write a high level outline to see how it would pan out. Think on a metaphoric level for what the "military" represents, what "aliens" represent, what "drones" represent, etc. I personally liked one of your earlier themes, wisdom of machine vs. wisdom of man, but didn't agree on your final conclusion. It's not that man's wisdom ultimately prevails over machine wisdom because that's not what is going to happen. It's going to be a merger between the two. That is, man will become one with machine, and vice versa. How that will pan out is anyone's guess, but its far from a certain conclusion, and that's what makes it interesting. Its up to you as the writer to think through the implications of this and weave a story that cleverly explores this theme...

Come back with a focused idea and we can get into the specifics if you like.

I don't think you envisioned it as clearly as I had thought about it. In my story, there isn't a large scale alien invasion. That already happened 10 or so years earlier. What happened was that the human droids drove them away, so they came back with a single ship tasked to turn Earth's droids against us. That's what the protagonist's team and the Army ultimately uncover. The central conflict at the end of the film would be a question of how could the heroes possibly fight back without their only known and proven line of defense: the droids.

And it isn't a global war story from the jump. The backstory - which will have to be doled out gracefully - establishes that aliens invaded at an earlier date and we fought back with droids. The droid technology was built up globally and droid development became the new global arms race, leading to the shift from manned forces. Many of the war vets moved on to the private sector, becoming guns for hire for corporations and well-funded interest groups. When the droids are disabled, it causes the US' red flags to wave and for them to point fingers at other nations. They hire the protagonists private paramilitary group to investigate the state of the droids. So the driving conflicts early are the warring ideologies of the new technologically/logically driven Army versus the more cerebral/intuitively driven manned forces, as well as the conflict between the US and other nations - though I have to figure out how/if I can weave that story in while keeping the point of view focused. I like to keep stories contained to the perspective of the protagonist.

The central theme I'm circling around is about how the technologies we create can breed an unhealthy dependence and comfort that leaves us vulnerable to the unexpected. It happened to the aliens the first time they attacked, thinking they could easily overthrow earth and it is now happening to mankind who thought their ability to defend itself once from an invasion gave it the ultimate silver bullet against all invasions.

It's funny because this is an alien invasion story where the invaders are man-made.

Ok, so we have a global scale arms race of defense drones to prevent the threat of aliens which want to destroy the earth by reprogramming the earth's drone defenses to destroy the very thing it's meant to protect. Now the world is caught with its pants around its ankles and realized its grave mistake, so they scramble to hire various private military contractors to investigate this foreign threat, and determine if it is perhaps a scheming global superpower or if it's really the aliens again. This is the premise that sets the stage for your story, which, in my mind, is overly complicated. However, I'm also a firm believer that you can make a good story out of almost any situation so long as the central theme is well developed and explored, the characters have depth and growth, and there is an emotional resonance that the audience feels after all is said and done. Because this is such a high-level overview of your story it's nearly impossible to tell if your story includes these things; the only way to know is by reading the actual script.

Well if you look at all the elements of The Matrix, it would seem overly complicated, but the story on screen is contained and well-crafted.

I think my: "Without Love Life Has No Meaning" theme was maybe a tad to 'deep'...