The story board format through me off. It looks great in all but the ending is truely weak. Guy learns his lesson, gets the girl, girl get's half a book.... unless their's a part 2 on the way soon after I think the ending could be stronger. Hate me if you want to but it's true.
First off love the idea Nazis airships u-boats African adventure and the plot manages to hold it together not to mention Atlantis and a bomb if its shot right this could be the next big adventure movie and one is sourly overdue. Problems
1 Pigmys great idea its something most people aren't aware off haven't seen before, make them short but distinctly not child like mature (some gray hare and wrinkles on some ) practical masters of there environment (hunting party away when the vill got hit) there not worshiping the american there collaborating out of there wish for revenge.
2 Girl has to be some one new not seen with talent if she doesn't work the movie doesn't work.
3 The inlet guy needs a bigger part because hes more interesting may be just suggesting that he really knows whats going on when the rest don't. he should get the notes at the end but some how spoiled or incomplete which is why it takes so long to fill in the blanks and build the bomb (you cant tear a book in half like that it wouldn't work even a flimsy one would require much more force than one mans weight.
4 Nazi commander the whole super villain in the worst cartoonish scene is: over done boring, shallow, and propagandist. make him a reluctant villain (see Curt Jurgens in enemy below) this guy wants no part of it an airship ace cut his teeth in the last war but orders are orders and he has no choice (maybe if he brings back the gizmo the war will be shorter)
5 Time I agree 1940 is much to late it wouldn't carry the whole air ship feel very well not so much because of history but because of perception it should be set in 1932-1936 before the Polish invasion and the technological arms race.
6 gadgets this is good place for odd funky little known fun to look at hardware: BAR's, Thompson's, Lewis guns for the plains all great. flame throwers for the Germans also awesome. The half track needs some thing a little older or at least older looking less armored (lighter to lift on airship).
Make this it may be a bunch of ideas that have bin used before but they where good solid stuff its worth the risk.
Actually, very entertaining. I disagree with some of the other posters. Raiders of the Lost Ark and King Solomon's Mines are great movies but decades old. Lots of young people have never seen either movie. Nothing wrong with revisiting that genere. After all, Raiders was an homage to the cliff hangers and serials of the 30's and 40's.
Black Marines saw action in the Revolutionary War, but after 1783 the Marines were disbanded. When they were reconstituted in 1794, only whites were allowed to serve until 1 June 1942. However, there were always large numbers of blacks in the Navy. Make the black guy a sailor - problem solved.
On the technical note:
1. Lose the "pirate" uniforms on the Americans. Pirates would be in civilian clothes.
2. The bi-plane would have been armed.
3. "Incendiary" bullets have a name - tracers. They were invented in 1915 and used with devastating effect against zeppelins during WWI.
4. Lose the jolly roger on the side of the american airship. Noting says, "shoot me down!" like flying the skull and crossbones. An airship on a secrete mission would carry no markings - kind of like all of the ships and aircraft used by the CIA during the Bay of Pigs.
5. Sorry, David J. Schuler, but you are wrong. The IBM 401, introduced in 1933 (used by the Nazi's to automate the Holocaust), used punch cards. Also, Airships were far from obsolete by 1940. In fact, two American airships built by Goodyear, the Resolute and the Volunteer, operated as "privateers" under a Letter of Marque at the onset of WWII - two real-life sky pirate ships. During the war, 154 U.S. Navy airships saw combat, primarily for convoy escort and anti-submarine warfare.
Make the movie. It may not be a blockbuster like Raiders, but you'll make money.
Agreed across the board, particularly #1 and 3. Though the Sarah/Johnny relationship was basically derivative of Leia/Solo from the first star wars.
The pygmy stuff has got to go. Very offensive for 2012. Child-like africans worshiping the big American, even if it is a black American? Come on. That would work in 1935, but not today.
The book splitting in half is kinda hokey as well. Better to just have the book be destroyed by fire and no one gets it.
If you are going to insist on yet another Raiders of the Lost Ark Story, you will have to target the pre-adolescent market. Anyone older will be deluged in ennui before the opening sequel is concluded.
Lose the Wagner mujsic. Too reminiscent of Apocalypse Now. Probably Deutchsland Uber Alles to the background of goosestepping troops would be more appropriate.
Stunt biplane should be a Steerman. Blimp plane a Tiger Moth.
"Win-win"? In 1940?
WHY would a pirate wear a skull and crossbones teeshirt? Why would the blimp be so emblazoned?
If it is known that the blimp is heading for a confrontation with the Nazis, shouldn't the bipplane be armed?
If you are going to hand the cook a B.A.R., make it a real one. Automatic weapons should be limited to Thompsons with straight magazines(good guys) and machine pistols for the Germans.
Following up on what John West said above some of the relationships need to be fleshed out. Particularly the cook and the stunt pilot.
One more point: fix the history and technology. There WERE NO COMPUTING MACHINES in 1940. Not that used punched cards, anyway. Lighter than air ships were already obsolete by 1940 (start the action earlier). And so on.
1. Too derivative (Raiders of the Lost Ark + King Solomon's Mines + Return of the Jedi with pygmies instead of Ewok)s.
2. Agree with Billy G Diaz. Needs a fast opening.
3. It has too many subplots. Too many moving parts.
4. The submarine battle could be great. Needs at least one more solid action scene.
5. Develop some of the characters more, i.e. the blimp captain, the cook, etc.
6. Radical suggestion: make the girl the American stunt pilot and the guy the British archaeologist. That would take a major re-write. At least it wouldn't be quite as derivative. And you wouldn't need the tedious scene about why he doesn't join the Navy and become a Navy pilot.
I would suggest... ... maybe a fast action start before the slow conversation with the father... a younger leading lady and with spunk from the start... (maybe blooming into adulthood) a more rugged leading guy (less gee-haw).
Well, first off I was very entertained despite the story board format.
Things I liked:
1. the basic premise for the story was excellent. Especially the idea of an ancient Atlantian zeppelin/blimp.
2. The American secret agent guy I kept wondering about, would he ultimately be a good guy or a bad guy. Would he end up betraying everyone just to get at the info on an A-bomb for the good ol' US?
cons:
I wish there'd been a lot more depth/exploring of the ancients blimp. Not necessary finding one magically preserved, but maybe exploring within the ruins/temple and looking over a ruined one or other imaginative ancient tech possibilities.
Nazi's. Well, they make good bad guys I guess, but the story really seemed to present them in the standard over the top evil (Eveeilll) way that just isn't all that interesting anymore.
Blacks/African American's in the military. mmm That needs some work. Were Blacks allowed to be marine's in that era? I'd guess yes. I don't think they were allowed on submarines, except as a cook, but that's not the same. Certainly the Army had no reservations about black soldiers being grunts. I'd be very pressurized if I was the only person to mention that bit. Too, from experience I can tell you that no one is going to hand a BAR to someone who isn't reasonably familiar with it at the start of a scouting/reconnaissance mission. The reason is simply that automatic weapons are the best way to make bad guys laid down and be good. Since most such weapons jam and have issues as soon as they've been fired a bit, so in reality no one is going to hand a cook a BAR or any other automatic weapon and definitely not without adding sufficient ammo along with the weapon which is likely to be hefty. Even the carbine's or rifles carried around that time were fairly touchy and needed to be kept clean, take practice to use effectively, etc.
Overall, I thought the story was really good and entertaining. I'm easy to please, but I think even a low budget video style movie based on this story board mm story would be worth renting or purchasing. Anyways, that's what I think.
