Kerry Burt says:
One of my biggest concerns with this film was that, considering the title, there seemed to be very little "pirate" action going on. It actually seemed extremely obvious that the American forces were just that: American forces. I think that this perception could have been altered by introducing more scenes in which the Americans interact with the Germans. I actually think it would have been cool if, instead of just one Zeppelin, the Germans had sent an entire expeditionary force. This would be both more realistic, and would allow for more engagements between the airships. Scenes portraying various ships pulling alongside for broadside attacks could be fairly incredible with the right effects and would definitely enhance the pirate image.
I also think that the makers of this film would do well to take a page from the game "Crimson Skies," which parallels the story in many ways, and focus more on the blimps' ability to launch fighter aircraft. This could create some incredibly memorable scenes as the small fighter craft dog-fight one another while the "motherships" exchange blows. Remember, zeppelin were actually designed to be assault craft, bombers, and as such they are incredibly powerful vessels capable of carrying enormous weight. Use that to your advantage.
My other big concern was with the use of Atlantis. I don't necessarily think that it's a bad idea, but the temple is so vaguely described in the scenes leading up to this revelation that honestly when it came I didn't really care and certainly was not surprised. This is really something that needs to be built up to; we need to be wondering what this temple is and what it is all about. Build some mystery around this thing. Even if you come right out and say it's Atlantis right at the beginning, there should still be more questions about what it is all about. I felt like the temple, despite it being the supposed focus of the story, just sort of slipped into the background. Also consider making the temple harder to find and think about incorporating some traps and pitfalls that the characters must overcome. It seems a little convenient that the ancients worked so hard to protect their big secret and then just left it lying around where anyone could find it.
As far as character concerns go, I won't harp on the obvious. These characters are very shallow with almost no substance. Work on their motivations a little more. Jack really seemed like he could have been a great Han Solo-esque character, but he ends up coming across as one dimensional and more than a little annoying. Consider dialing back the I'm-only-in-it-for-the-money attitude and give him a few scenes that show he actually cares about his crew-mates, if only grudgingly.
Sara is also a little concerning. She never seems to stay consistent and her emotions always seem to be fairly extreme. I liked the way she started out, a little aloof and distant, but solid with a quick mind. Unfortunately, about a third of the way through, she becomes an emotional wreck that is completely at odds with the earlier portrayal of her personality. Again, dial it back, stay consistent, and I think that she could end up being a really interesting character.
As for the miscellaneous characters, I would like to know the connection between the commander and the Knights Templar as one seemed to be hinted at. I would also like to know more about the relationship between the captain and his copilot. The story of the redemption of the disgraced pilot could be a really interesting one if you fleshed it out a bit more.
Ultimately, this film is a great concept. It's Crimson Skies meets Indian Jones and I think that it could really work. Just develop your characters a bit more and don't be afraid to think big with your scenes. I think that this has all the beginnings of a great project that I would definitely go to theaters to see.
I also think that the makers of this film would do well to take a page from the game "Crimson Skies," which parallels the story in many ways, and focus more on the blimps' ability to launch fighter aircraft. This could create some incredibly memorable scenes as the small fighter craft dog-fight one another while the "motherships" exchange blows. Remember, zeppelin were actually designed to be assault craft, bombers, and as such they are incredibly powerful vessels capable of carrying enormous weight. Use that to your advantage.
My other big concern was with the use of Atlantis. I don't necessarily think that it's a bad idea, but the temple is so vaguely described in the scenes leading up to this revelation that honestly when it came I didn't really care and certainly was not surprised. This is really something that needs to be built up to; we need to be wondering what this temple is and what it is all about. Build some mystery around this thing. Even if you come right out and say it's Atlantis right at the beginning, there should still be more questions about what it is all about. I felt like the temple, despite it being the supposed focus of the story, just sort of slipped into the background. Also consider making the temple harder to find and think about incorporating some traps and pitfalls that the characters must overcome. It seems a little convenient that the ancients worked so hard to protect their big secret and then just left it lying around where anyone could find it.
As far as character concerns go, I won't harp on the obvious. These characters are very shallow with almost no substance. Work on their motivations a little more. Jack really seemed like he could have been a great Han Solo-esque character, but he ends up coming across as one dimensional and more than a little annoying. Consider dialing back the I'm-only-in-it-for-the-money attitude and give him a few scenes that show he actually cares about his crew-mates, if only grudgingly.
Sara is also a little concerning. She never seems to stay consistent and her emotions always seem to be fairly extreme. I liked the way she started out, a little aloof and distant, but solid with a quick mind. Unfortunately, about a third of the way through, she becomes an emotional wreck that is completely at odds with the earlier portrayal of her personality. Again, dial it back, stay consistent, and I think that she could end up being a really interesting character.
As for the miscellaneous characters, I would like to know the connection between the commander and the Knights Templar as one seemed to be hinted at. I would also like to know more about the relationship between the captain and his copilot. The story of the redemption of the disgraced pilot could be a really interesting one if you fleshed it out a bit more.
Ultimately, this film is a great concept. It's Crimson Skies meets Indian Jones and I think that it could really work. Just develop your characters a bit more and don't be afraid to think big with your scenes. I think that this has all the beginnings of a great project that I would definitely go to theaters to see.
