First, let me say that I love the idea. It's very sharp and incredibly original. I assume that the target audience is pre-teen, as the protagonist is 11. It is written very well for this target audience, as the voice and presence reminds me a lot of comic book style shows from the 1990s. Unfortunately, unlike those shows, your script lacks action. I'm not sure if it was your intention to write it in this vain, or if this was merely a happy accident, but I like it. Perhaps thinking of your character as a comic book hero might possibly aid you in adding action scenes. This could be a complete
That's high prase in my eyes. Bruce Timm has worked with some of the best cartoons of my childhood. The action and dialogue problems need to be looked at. Honestly the sequence of events might be the problem. I would think that it would be more interesting if Warren had already been to the Web before the plot takes place. Having him be eager to get home from the beginning would allow a bit more tention in the start the show. Also, kids are smarter than you think. They don't need to be held by the hand and walked around the setting.
On another note, the disk that he finds could be a lot more interesting if it were some kind of power up instead of just used as a shield. Even if the power up just gives Warren some kind of reflective shield. That way you can have different disks giving Warren different power ups (which is also a great idea for marketing, as if it were to actually get popular, you now have a ton of different action figures. haha)
Anyway, less dialogue, more action, less being delicate about how the kids learn about the enviroment. They should learn by seeing how it happens. It's a cartoon. It should be more visual.
