Does "Through The Eyes Of The Storm" still suck?"

Everybody says that Robbie Lewis's (if that is my real name) writing sucks because I tried to trick everybody with some lousy writing. My last draft which I just posted proves otherwise. By the time I'm done it will be Oscar Caliber. Andrew don't try to figure out my script because you can't You are not good enough.

Sorry, Charlie. Your 15 minutes have passed. NEXT!

I don't think Scott, Lisa, Jim or B and many OTHERS will download your script this time.

I reluctantly agree.

Your 15 minutes are up.

Robbie, maybe you could ask your students to give your script a read. You don't have to tell them you are the author.

They won't give you the feedback that fellow writers would, but at least you'll have a genuine reaction. This way you could know whether your story works or not as a story.

The first time Andrew started a discussion with you, he gave you good pointers, not to fix your script, but to force you to think about your script and see your work with fresh eyes. Sometimes, Andrew actually makes sense.

Your job as a screenwriter is not only to be a good storyteller, but also a script fixer. If you know how to do that for your own scripts, then you know a lot about your trade.

Zero interest in even looking at it.

I read the first page you posted. It still sucked, but not quite as badly. The words just thud on the page.

Why in the world would you expect anyone here to do you any favors?

Maybe someone has cut the puppet strings... ;-)

Lauri,

He doesn't want the reviews, I am sure because he thinks he is more professional than other A.S. writers. His target is many downloads only. In this way he wanna get Development Slate's Listing, lol.

@ Cayzar - if that "strategy" worked, "Flat Pennies" would already be in production. ;)

i read the first page as well. very sophomoric writing and extremely boring. how many produced scripts have you read and really studied? seriously, you should just give up. you're so full of yourself that you're not willing to put in the hard work.

and your 15 minutes are indeed over. get over it. those aren't fighting words. those are words of truth.

EMN said, The first time Andrew started a discussion with you, he gave you good pointers, not to fix your script, but to force you to think about your script and see your work with fresh eyes. Sometimes, Andrew actually makes sense.

It was a bit more than that. I was working on several other projects and I didn't want to read Robbie's script.

I never got to the point where I actually gave him the pointers. When I skimmed the script, a few pages here and there, I thought, "Fixing this will take too much work."

There hasn't been enough time since the previous draft to fix much at all.

Yes.

"Har har har. I fooled all of you. All you never-has-been, jealous, two-faced DUMB CHUMPS. IT'S ME! Recognize me?

"I can't believe what a bunch of nowhere idiots you are! While I knock out one Shakespeare-quality, Hollywood-revolutionizing, stop-the-human-race-your-god-has-arrived-quality script, you doofoids continue to plow your stupid faces through the muck of this place like you had any future which it's obvious YOU DON'T.

"FOOLED YOU FOOLED YOU JUST LIKE I WANTED TO!!! Because it's always been about MEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMME. I'm THE ONE AND ONLY GOD JR. & you don't even know what my name is! Here's a big fat clue: IT AIN'T ROBBIE LEWIS. Could it be Tarantino Wilder Pukehanger the IXteenth but I ain't telling you.

"Because you don't know up from down. You don't know hero from clown. You don't know you don't know (repeat 9000 times)....

"GARGHHHHHH.... (terminal seizure, falls over dead)."

(the above came through MO Schrenck's mental telegraphy, transcribed directly from Eibbor Siwel's dying breath)

You forgot his dying whisper, "Come on, Mon".

I knew there was something verbal in that last scratchy wheeze. Darn it. I'm not the telepath I once was....

There would be something hugely wrong with you if it wasn't a pass. A "Recommend" would probably get a contract on your head on the part of everyone from the CIA to the Mafia and down to the homeless person on the corner.

I haven't yet read anything by Robbie except the long threads elsewhere so wanted to look at this fresh.

First scene does very little to excite, I'm afraid.

Key things that stand out:

First, sorry this is just screenwriting housekeeping, but you can name the Female's Voice. At least I assume it's the lady who gets out of the car a moment later. Apologies if that's wrong and it actually is a voice over. Which is also wrong. Should be (O.S.) or (O.C.) as she's in the same scene. You only use V.O. when the speaker is in a different location or narrating.

Second it seems to be highly expository. You cram a lot of exposition and back story into a conversation with no subtext whatsoever. I'd suggest just leaving it at "don't you miss it?" level of conversation since both parties know what they're talking about and absolutely don't need to recap their career roles or the title of some show. It just leaves a little intrigue for the viewer/reader if you drip that information out slowly.

Hope that helps.

@ Antony,

Are you qualified from "New York Film Academy"................No? He is!

load of crap. Next!

I reviewed the first act of the last draft and after peeping the first couple pages of the new draft it's clear you haven't changed much if anything. So yes, it still sucks.

I think the first step to success is recognizing and appreciating the talent and success of others. Any performing vocation I have been in is a very lonely place. If you honestly recognize talent in others and let them hear about it, perhaps if you reach that level, others will do the same for you. And, if a relationship develops, and you become better at what you do, they may give you the opportunity to help them see where their own work needs help. Such relationships are where greatness comes from.

Crazier says

I don't think Scott, Lisa, Jim or B and many OTHERS will download your script this time.

I'm not asking them too. I don't care if they do. I'm not looking for them to read it. That's a moot point. Even if my script was all world, they would still be negative. They are what they are. I'm just trying to prove a point. I told everyone that those scripts I downloaded the first time were scripts I wrote before I went to NYFA. That last script I downloaded is the same script. It was a rewrite after I went to NYFA. That is my point. The skill level is way better.

So you visited your wife's neurosurgeon before you went to NYFA? And you uploaded three different versions even though they were all old?

Come on, mon. I'd have a lot more respect for you if you said "I'm sorry for all the attitude before, I'm reworking my script, if you can take a look I'd appreciate it".