If you want to leave any feeback... this is the only location where you get more than 50 characters to write what you want to write :)
Laurence M says:
Top Reviewer
Love the new Bible.
Like the pilot. Would love a little more plot other than it being a kitchen-sink episode. Let something happen instead of a series of connected pratfalls...
Love the writing and the voice you put into this. Outstanding stuff.
Like the pilot. Would love a little more plot other than it being a kitchen-sink episode. Let something happen instead of a series of connected pratfalls...
Love the writing and the voice you put into this. Outstanding stuff.
A Participant says:
Laurence said something about a series of pitfalls.
I agree.
It's a not-too-violent slapstick. It does not posses the depth of character one COULD develop for kids and tweens. I might be out of line (did not read the bible), but apart from speed and confusion there is not much character development and I do not see much of the needed space for that development in the future.
This might be out of line for kids and tweens series, but I'd still try to incorporate that to make it stand out from the crowd.
That said - I love fast paced stuff and I yearn for surprize. You deliver on both.
I agree.
It's a not-too-violent slapstick. It does not posses the depth of character one COULD develop for kids and tweens. I might be out of line (did not read the bible), but apart from speed and confusion there is not much character development and I do not see much of the needed space for that development in the future.
This might be out of line for kids and tweens series, but I'd still try to incorporate that to make it stand out from the crowd.
That said - I love fast paced stuff and I yearn for surprize. You deliver on both.
Hey Tony.
First off, thanks for taking the time to read the Calfornia Kidds pilot script. Appreciate it!
I also appreciate you taking the time to leave the above comment. It's always good to get feedback.
You pretty much nailed the script with your comments. I don't think California Kidds will ever have the depth of character that you would like to see and that actually is just a personal preference of mine. The shows would not always be slapstick, but the characters are not going to grow from episode to episode in the way you probably would prefer. The bible does explain characters motivations and things like that, but they aren't extremely complicated characters. They are relatable characters put in unique situations.
But then again... that's the stuff I personally like to laugh at... ala... The Looney Tunes, Seinfeld, Married With Children, etc.
Again, thanks for the read and the comments!!!
First off, thanks for taking the time to read the Calfornia Kidds pilot script. Appreciate it!
I also appreciate you taking the time to leave the above comment. It's always good to get feedback.
You pretty much nailed the script with your comments. I don't think California Kidds will ever have the depth of character that you would like to see and that actually is just a personal preference of mine. The shows would not always be slapstick, but the characters are not going to grow from episode to episode in the way you probably would prefer. The bible does explain characters motivations and things like that, but they aren't extremely complicated characters. They are relatable characters put in unique situations.
But then again... that's the stuff I personally like to laugh at... ala... The Looney Tunes, Seinfeld, Married With Children, etc.
Again, thanks for the read and the comments!!!
A Participant says:
Corey....great stuff.
I see some of comments about depth of characters and I think you're right. For a kids show....I don't think you need to really dive into the characters.
Just make it entertaining and you've done that.
I could see kids enjoying the show just the way it is.
Well done!
I see some of comments about depth of characters and I think you're right. For a kids show....I don't think you need to really dive into the characters.
Just make it entertaining and you've done that.
I could see kids enjoying the show just the way it is.
Well done!
A Participant says:
Ahem. OK.
But do read about Gortimer Gibbon's Life on Normal Street.
That's the depth one could shoot for when leaving the shallow waters.
Not that I do not appreciate the vast difference in the style of comedy between both pieces. I truly do, but GG is an extreme illustration of what would make this piece stand out even more.
But do read about Gortimer Gibbon's Life on Normal Street.
That's the depth one could shoot for when leaving the shallow waters.
Not that I do not appreciate the vast difference in the style of comedy between both pieces. I truly do, but GG is an extreme illustration of what would make this piece stand out even more.
Allen Melquist says:
The plot is simple and fun. Most people need to watch kids to understand they love this stuff.
James M. says:
Wow I literally laughed out loud reading your pilot. I mean Parker winning that car in a poker game...beautiful. I cant wait to see this me and my daughter will be watching for sure. And your mini-bible is so beautiful.
James M. says:
You could probably cut this dialogue from the tie fire incident. It seems to be filling time. the punchline was when he interrupted Parker and asked if they smelled smoke. Just saying here's the part I would snip.
PARKER & TAYLOR
Yes.
SAM
I wonder where it’s coming from.
TAYLOR
I think maybe your tie.
SAM
(smiles)
My tie?... Really?... Now why would there
be smoke coming from my tie?
PARKER
Because it’s on fire.
SAM
Say again?
PARKER & TAYLOR
Yes.
SAM
I wonder where it’s coming from.
TAYLOR
I think maybe your tie.
SAM
(smiles)
My tie?... Really?... Now why would there
be smoke coming from my tie?
PARKER
Because it’s on fire.
SAM
Say again?
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