I took the characters and story in deeper, more interesting directions. Enjoy.
lucy says:
This was actually the best movie I have ever seen. I'm not a big fan of sci-fi movies but I loved this one. Everything about the characters were so different yet so relatable, the emotions Blue goes through I feel everyone has had similar moments, this helped because then I was able to feel for her. The plotline was gripping had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I ABSOLUTEY LOVED IT!
Thomas V. Kappel says:
Scott,
This third draft is a well written screenplay, a great read, and needs very little, but I have a few observations and suggestions I hope may help.
Most of my concerns have to do with Blue. She grows from weak at the beginning to stronger at the end, but not enough. She does slug frat boy, races through the crowd at the fairgrounds, tackles Jack, but.
1. Blue helps save Taylor at the bridge, but others pull him up and actually save him—Pg 80
2. Blue promises to take care of Emma PG 69…and at page 89 she commits mind suicide telling others to take care of Emma. Emma saves her! It takes a long time to get viewer/reader respect again.
3. Blue does not resolve any of the climax situations herself. Spencer shoots Jack and Taylor lets Sandra get away with a mind wipe. Our heroine both times is on the ground overwhelmed at the climax.
The only thought I have is that perhaps Blue has a hidden power besides tracking. One she is afraid of and afraid to let others know about until the climax. It is why she is hiding herself. Her threat to Graham at page 108 that he is done is one she has the power to enforce if he plays games again.
This third draft is a well written screenplay, a great read, and needs very little, but I have a few observations and suggestions I hope may help.
Most of my concerns have to do with Blue. She grows from weak at the beginning to stronger at the end, but not enough. She does slug frat boy, races through the crowd at the fairgrounds, tackles Jack, but.
1. Blue helps save Taylor at the bridge, but others pull him up and actually save him—Pg 80
2. Blue promises to take care of Emma PG 69…and at page 89 she commits mind suicide telling others to take care of Emma. Emma saves her! It takes a long time to get viewer/reader respect again.
3. Blue does not resolve any of the climax situations herself. Spencer shoots Jack and Taylor lets Sandra get away with a mind wipe. Our heroine both times is on the ground overwhelmed at the climax.
The only thought I have is that perhaps Blue has a hidden power besides tracking. One she is afraid of and afraid to let others know about until the climax. It is why she is hiding herself. Her threat to Graham at page 108 that he is done is one she has the power to enforce if he plays games again.
Jason G. says:
Watched version 4 animatic. Thought it was pretty solid for the most part. 2 critiques. 1. This feels like a sequel to Push, or Jumper. Same vein of story. Not bad, just not especially unique anymore. 2. The ending is a bit of a let down. The villain more or less gets away with it with a mind wipe. Even if she does do that, she should get locked up in an asylum. She said she was in one before, and there is a cathartic element to seeing her in jail, if not death row. Also, interesting that they cancel they're powers, but it came across as super cheesy to say they touch for ten minutes..... you could say the same thing without putting a time limit on it. Maybe a better approach would be for graham to confess that he and a love tried killing themselves and found out it only took away their powers. She did kill herself, while he realized the error of his ways.
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