Synopsis
"12 Princesses" is based on the Grimms' Fairytale "The 12 Dancing Princesses".
A young farmboy named Yannick is desperate to make something of himself. He's been relegated to feeding the animals on the farm, but he's always trying (and failing) to prove himself capable of more. Finally, when he harvests a field before it's ripe, the Farmer tells him to leave.
As he wanders on his way, he comes across a party at a village tavern. There, he meets December, the youngest of the famed 12 Princesses of the kingdom, though he doesn't realize she's a princess. When the Palace Guards show up to force the girls home, however, Yannick runs off with December into the forest, thinking he's rescuing her.
In the forest, the two run into an Old Woman who offers them a magical flower called Fairy's Breath. The flower opens a doorway to a Fairy World when you pluck a petal and speak the charm. But before December can finish the charm, the Palace Guards find them and capture Yannick.
Furious and fearful for their safety, the King decides to lock the Princesses in their bedroom from that night forward.
Meanwhile, in the Fairy World, we discover that the Old Woman from the forest is actually the Bad Fairy. She and the other fairies were banished from the kingdom by the King when he blamed them for the death of the Queen. Since then, they've been giving Fairy's Breath to lonely travelers in the forest and bringing them into the Fairy World. When they use the last petal of the flower, they are trapped forever, dancing in the Fairy World. The Bad Fairy realizes she can now trap all of the King's daughters since they now have the Fairy's Breath.
Back at the palace, Yannick awakes in the dungeon and meets a hapless Fairy named Franc whose been trapped in one of the King's Fairy Traps. When Yannick mentions "true love", Franc goes into an involuntary trance and prophesies about the Fairy's Breath and December. She then escapes from the Trap leaving Yannick behind.
Meanwhile, the Princesses lament their newfound captivity. But when December shows them the Fairy's Breath she got from the Old Woman, they speak the charm, opening the doorway. The Bad Fairy is there to greet them. They go with her into the Fairy World. Her gnome sidekick Iggy is told to stay behind and make sure the King knows nothing.
The next morning, Yannick is taken to meet Bob, the Palace Gardener. He needs a new flower boy, so the prisoner is tapped for the post. His job is to bring carnations to the Princesses bedchamber each day. But, when he sees some beautiful roses growing in a hidden garden, he decides those are more suitable for the Princesses and takes them instead. When he does so, January (the oldest Princess) freaks out, threatening to have him locked up forever. But December, recognizing Yannick, takes the blame. When Yannick sees December, he realizes she's one of the Princesses. She sneaks a petal from the Fairy's Breath into his hand.
Bob scolds Yannick for not following directions and Yannick feels stupid for having tried to rescue a Princess from her own Guards. He can't do anything right. Franc shows up, and Yannick tries to get information from her about her prophecy, but she doesn't remember giving it. Bob tells Yannick that January has forbidden roses at the palace since the Queen's death, as they were her favorite flower.
Meanwhile, the head of the household staff, Margaret, shows the King what she discovered that morning: all 12 Princesses' shoes are completely worn through. Iggy follows her into the King's office and hide himself in the King's Lawn Gnome collection.
The Palace Staff all gossip about the Princesses's shoes and Sir Doyle, a foppish self-loving gentleman, is brought in to discover the girls' secret. Iggy drugs his drink, however, and he falls fast asleep as the Princesses' go into the Fairy World again.
Yannick goes into the Fairy World as well, using the petal December gave him in the Bedchamber.
In the Fairy World, Yannick discovers a perpetual dance party at the Fairy Palace. There's a large lake leading to the Palace and Giants carry them across to the party. Yannick, however, takes a boat so as not to be seen. As the party progresses, he accidentally drops a roof tile next to the Bad Fairy and she sees him. She sends the Giants after him, but he narrowly escapes back into the World above.
The next morning, Yannick tells Bob and Franc that he knows where the Princesses are going. He tells them about the Fairy's Breath and Franc gets angry, telling him humans aren't supposed to know about it. It's against the Fairy Code. But seeing the Princesses so happy has given him an idea.
As the Princesses get ready for the day, they look out the window and see the Palace Gardens covered in roses. The King sees this too and they are all moved. Yannick is starting to bring some happiness back to the kingdom.
That night, Yannick goes back into the Fairy World with another petal December gave him. They secretly meet there while the others dance away. But the Bad Fairy sees them together.
The next day Yannick announces to Bob and Franc that he's going to escape from the Palace with Princess December. There are only two petals left on the Fairy's Breath and he's going to use one and the Princesses will use the last one. The mention of the "last petal" makes Franc nervous. There's something about the last petal that she can't remember. Bob insists that Yannick's idea is terrible. He's just started to make things better and if he leaves with the Princess, things will be worse than before. But Yannick insists. They try to convince him to stay with a song and dance number, but he slips away.
As he blows off steam outside the Palace Walls, Yannick overhears the Bad Fairy talking to Iggy about the last petal. This makes him nervous and he runs to warn the Princesses, but he's caught in what looks like a Fairy Trap. But it's actually been set by the Bad Fairy to catch him. She tells him he's welcome to dance with them any night of course--except tonight. And she leaves him there.
Lamenting his situation, Yannick once again mentions "true love", accidentally summoning Franc who, once again, unknowingly prophesies, this time about how the last petal will trap the Princesses forever. Still in her trance, Franc magically opens the Bad Fairy's trap and Yannick escapes, telling Franc to bring help to the Fairy World.
Back in the Bedchamber, the Princesses speak the charm using what they (and the Bad Fairy) believe is the last petal. But when they do so, the doorway opens, and nothing else happens. The Bad Fairy is confused until Yannick shows up with Bob and shows them that he still has a petal, which is now the last petal. Furious, the Bad Fairy drops another trap over the 12 Princesses, telling Yannick "there's more than one way to trap a Princess" and she takes the girls into the Fairy World with her, closing the doorway.
Yannick decides to use the last petal to go after them, but Bob tells him he can't because then he'll be trapped and useless. Seeing Yannick so distressed, Bob speaks the charm himself, bringing the curse upon himself, but opening the doorway again, taking them both into the Fairy World.
Meanwhile, Franc has gone to the King for help. There Iggy breaks his cover trying to convince the King that Franc is lying, but Franc prevails.
In the Fairy World, the Princesses are trapped, Bob is under the dancing curse and Yannick is looking for a plan when he's discovered again by the Bad Fairy. Just in time, however, Franc and the King arrive with the Palace Guards and an army of enchanted Lawn Gnomes. A battle ensues. In the end, good prevails and the Bad Fairy is accidentally crushed by one of her Giants. The King offers Yannick all that he has, but, Yannick tells him, "I think I've already found everything I was looking for."
The things that I really enjoyed:
As always, I love your music and the emotion it carries. The theme when the trapdoor appears is great!
I thought the balance of music and dialogue/story was great.
I liked the personalities of each of the characters and how those were worked into the story.
I thought the dialogue was witty at times, there was good humor.
I liked how important dialogue and plot elements were weaved into your songs to carry the story forward.
I really think there is a lot of potential here, and I can't wait to see what this becomes. I didn't get to see Blackbeard, but, based on the songs I did hear, I was disappointed that it didn't get picked up to be experienced by a wider audience. I truly hope this one takes off.
I'm no qualified critic, but here are my suggestions:
I felt there were a few abrupt swings of emotion that seemed a little forced or caught me by surprise and could be eased into through dialogue or visual expressions: the bad fairy's bursts of anger, the farmer's dismissal of Yannik, the king's tirade over his daughters' sneaking out, the eldest daughter's anger at her father and at Yannik's roses, etc.
In contrast, I think there was a good emotional development in the love story between Yannik and December. Some examples: December asking about Yannik's name, a stolen glance between the two as she passed, a brief holding of hands etc. More of this without being forced or obvious would be welcome. I know that the hero and maiden often experience love at first sight, but it's nice when this fairy tale element is supported with little moments that develop more substance to support the feelings of the heart before that happily-ever-after kiss. I also would have liked to see Yannik and December dancing together again when they meet in the fairy world.
When Yannik breaks the roof tile and the bad fairy sends the giants after him, what are the princesses thinking? Do they know he was there? Are they under some spell? Otherwise, why doesn't December react?
Also, it was hard to feel exactly how much of a mess-up Yannik felt like. We understand that he wasn't trusted to help in the harvest, and he also dreamed of being the hero of the harvest and against the dragon. He later screws up with the roses. Clearly he has confidence issues and he might be a bit of a klutz. Perhaps there could be some brief flashback memories or a montage of other well-intentioned failures and screw-ups during his song or woven into his dream to draw us in to the intense desire to succeed that he feels when he decides to harvest the field. This might also help us understand why the farmer doesn't let him help with the harvest and why the other harvesters mock him.
I searched for a synopsis of the original fairy tale on wikipedia and found a few details that might be woven into your story without disrupting anything else. For example, there are 3 groves of trees in the fairy world (silver, gold, and diamonds) that are passed on the way to the fairy world palace that could easily be part of the scenery without needing to be explained. In the tale, the soldier who discovers the princesses' secret takes a branch from each and a golden goblet from the palace as evidence. You could incorporate this plot element with Yannik similarly taking a sample of each to show to Bob or the King as evidence and they could be depicted as initially not believing him. These and other possible elements from the original tale would be welcome Easter Eggs to those who know the Grimm story.
The king was quirky and not all there. It is easy to see that he keeps a tight rein on his daughters when his guards catch them at the tavern. When the maid finds worn out shoes, it seems like the uproar over the mystery is a little premature. In the original story, they mystery is such a big deal because the daughters' shoes are repeatedly ruined and worn out. I would have liked to have seen some more time pass by, perhaps several days, while the daughters disappear and go dancing. During the gossip song, it would be natural to show the maid finding worn out shoes several times and taking them to the king before Sir Doyle is brought in. The guards could be shown during this song trying to peek in the princess' room, not finding anything amiss, and then the princesses pulling out a petal once the guards had left. You could also show Iggy somehow thwarting the guards' attempt to spy on the princesses. At this point, we still would not have seen anything of the fairy world other than the princesses going through the trapdoor. You could also show the flower with slowly disappearing petals. Then Sir Doyle could be brought in, Yannik could follow them into the fairy world and the mystery could be revealed to the audience. This would necessitate a rewrite of some of the dialogue from the bad fairy welcoming them again to the dance party rather than implying this is simply their 2nd visit. All of this would convey the vastness of the mystery that is baffling the king, Sir Doyle, and the entire court before Yannik (like the soldier in the classic tale) is able to solve it. This would also give added excitement to the scene where Yannik declares to Bob and Franc that he knows where they've been disappearing to.
In the end, when Franc converts the other fairies back to the good, it might be a little more believable if there had been some doubt or concern expressed earlier among their ranks questioning the morality of their entrapment/enslavement of those from whom they were sucking happiness. I like Franc's loyalty to a fairy code that might be hinted at in the actions and responses of the other fairies who are only on the evil side because of the strong leadership and inspiration of the bad fairy (who should have a name, did I miss it?).
I like that the giants are dumb and dimwitted. But they end up seeming like the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters: threatening, but not very scary or evil--kind of misguided and deserving of empathy. Their nature makes it hard to bring out the action and intensity of a final battle that often makes movies so appealing. In Ghostbusters, the end sequence was infused with that action/climactic feeling when the Marshmallow Man caught fire and transformed from a soft, fluffy, dumb giant into an angry, fiery fiend. There might be other fantasy creatures (dragons and such) that could be a part of the final battle without having to make the giants more evil. This would also allow Yannik the chance to play out his dream fantasy of conquering a dragon while struggling to free the princesses. Also, to solidify Yannik as December's knight in shining armor, he might be the one to catch her instead of Franc when the giant is falling over.
In summary, I think there is great potential here. I think animation is a great way to go. I've missed the traditional fairy tale animation that has been replaced by formulaic computer-animated features that are full of humor but lack that magic and music that we all love from classic Disney. There is a stark, obvious contrast in movie quality from the PBS/Wonderworks Narnia movies to the recent Disney remakes and from the old, animated Lord of the Rings films to Peter Jackson's acclaimed trilogy. You can walk into any Walmart and find animated knock-offs of Disney's latest movies for $3 rather than forking out $20 for the real deal. And you can tell the difference in quality that was lost in saving $17. The Swan Princess was a movie that fell somewhere between these two extremes that was lower budget and didn't get the Disney label, but it was very well done and well-received. Your movie doesn't have to be a Disney, but I would feel let down if yours fell among the knock-offs in quality. I would also hope that yours could trump the Barbie 12 dancing princesses movie I had to endure with my little girl... that wasn't horrible, but definitely painful as a man and a father! As one who is always trying to introduce others to your works and to share that feeling I get as I listen, I would hope for your movie to be at least on par with the Swan Princess in quality and reception. I'm rooting for this one!