The Barber Brothers

Creator: Micah Gordon
Age rating: 17 and older
Being Vernon's identical twin has been tough for Matty. When this lonelier half of a brotherly barber team decides to change his look, he learns that a little mustache can cause a deadly backlash. It's Beardies vs. Shavos in this all out guerilla war for visage supremacy!
Project collaboration: By Permission
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Synopsis: MATTY BARBER and VERNON BARBER are two middle-aged twin brothers who operate a little shave-and-a-haircut men’s barbershop in a small New England town. The two share a little apartment above the shop. Vernon is a bit of a playboy—the town’s most sought-after bachelor. He is charismatic and charming, gets tons of women—young and old—and everyone in the town loves him. Matty, on the other hand, is frustrated and lonely, and has to endure hearing his brother in action almost nightly. He is a bit shyer and is often referred to as “Vernon’s brother.” He’s sort of a public pity case, and isn’t at all unfamiliar with the phrase “don’t worry, it’ll happen for you.”

The two brothers are well known in their town, and are famous for their quirky stories. You’re getting more than just a haircut with Matty and Vernon, you’re getting half an hour of entertainment. So much so that people show up an hour before their appointment just to hear some stories—The Barber Brothers shop is basically a boys club.

The thing about the Barber brothers, though, is that they’re not very good barbers at all. In fact, they only know one haircut, and it’s this sort of puffy on top, shaved in back, parted in the middle, dead raccoon-looking thing. So every man in this town has this haircut. It’s not entirely clear if anyone realizes it’s a bad haircut, but any time a guy leaves the chair, it’s inevitably followed by “great job, Matty” or “looks great, Vernon” and a big tip.

Though they both put on a very happy facade at the shop, Matty is pretty lonely and depressed. He’s always wrestling with the fact that him and Vernon look exactly the same, work together, shave and brush their teeth together, order the same things in restaurants, read the same books, do pretty much everything together, but Matty’s never been good with the ladies and Vernon gets a new one every night. One morning before opening shop, the brothers go to the diner for breakfast. Vernon realizes that Matty is interested in their favorite (and incredibly attractive) waitress, DANA, and tells Matty that he’ll get her in bed within five days. Matty’s obviously outraged. Vernon orders first—the usual—steak and eggs. Matty orders the same, but Dana tells him that the morning’s shipment never came in, and they only have one steak left. Vernon offers to let Matty have the steak, but Matty declines, and orders hashbrowns, bacon and fresh fruit. Matty lets out a big smile at the idea of the new breakfast. Dana brings the food, with a huge pile of bacon on Matty’s plate, and flashes him a flirty smile.

That day Matty is especially cheery at the shop—gets more tips than Vernon for the first time. That night, Matty’s in his room reading when he starts to hear Vernon with some girl in the next room. Frustrated, Matty puts down the book and flips on the TV, turns it way up to mask the sound. It happens to be Magnum P.I. He notices Selleck’s big fluffy moustache, and gets an idea.

The next morning in the bathroom, Vernon’s babbling on about his night last night while the two shave almost in unison. They finish their cheeks, neck and chin, and Vernon moves to his upper lip. Matty just grabs his towel and wipes his face.

By the end of the week, Matty has a full moustache. It causes quite a stir in town, and Vernon has vocalized his strong aversion to the thing, but Matty is loving the attention. A few girls have even started to come on to Matty.

One day after Matty finishes cutting ROY’s hair, like clockwork he gets the shaving-cream and starts to shave him. When he gets to the lip, Roy stops him. His wife likes Matty's moustache and he wants one too. Vernon’s customer hears this and says maybe he’ll start growing a moustache himself, but Vernon shaves it right off anyway.

More and more people start growing moustaches, but Vernon insists on shaving the whole face, so a rift begins to form between the brothers. Vernon starts to lose some customers who want moustaches to Matty, and although Matty is willing to shave his customers, some clean-shaven folks start exclusively using Vernon out of principle.

Things are starting to look up for Matty, who gets a date with Dana after a direct confrontation with Vernon. He gets a kiss at the end of the night and she giggles a bit from the moustache.
The next morning, Vernon is shaving and talking about the hot chick he banged last night when he realizes Matty isn’t even in the room. He’s skipped shaving all together, and plans to grow a full beard.

The issue quickly escalates to a town crisis. Everybody used to look the same, and facial hair is seen by many as a hostile public gesture. Marriages are put in jeopardy over facial hair choices, dirty looks and dirty words are exchanged in the streets of the once friendly town, and the barbershop turns into a veritable war zone. Despite the brutal conflict, the brothers still keep the shop open and still live together, because that’s all they’ve ever known.

Now the two groups begin to organize. The “Beardies” decide never to trim their beards or cut their hair again and the “Shavos” decide to shave their entire heads, and the Barber brothers by default become the leaders of their respective movements (Much to Matty’s chagrin). Now that nobody is getting “the town cut,” the barbershop has no more business, but it becomes a sort of parliament for both the movements.

Soon the Beardies start moving to the East side, dubbing it Mattyville, and the Shavos to the West, now called West Vernon, with the barbershop as a sort of “no man’s land” right in the middle. When Roy realizes that his wife has been having an affair with a shavo, and sees him buying her a ring, he pounces on him, beats him to a pulp and leaves him for dead in West Vernon. This ignites a full-on guerilla war.

Overwrought with guilt at what his decision to grow a moustache has provoked, Matty asks Vernon—who still lives with him—to help reunite the town and stop the violence. In their infinite wisdom, they decide that the only thing they can do is to sport the same look—a buzz-cut and trim beard compromise between the two looks—and reopen the shop for business, offering any hairstyle the customer would like. They dust off the old haircutting books and stay up all night studying the different styles.

As the morning’s war begins, a Beardy and a Shavo, having a bloody tussle in the street outside the shop, notice the “OPEN” sign hanging in the barbershop window. This causes them to put down their weapons and enter the shop. A few others follow, and they all pick out new haircuts in the book. Matty and Vernon tell some stories to calm everybody’s nerves. When the small group has finished, they decide to ascend to the roof and show their newfound camaraderie to the whole town, with Matty and Vernon staying back to serve any new customers. Both sides of town are furious, and they bomb the group, killing them all. Each side separately decides to raid the shop and kill the other side’s leader. They reach the shop at the same time and barge in, but when they get there they can’t tell Matty from Vernon, since they’ve both adopted the same look.

The leaders of each raid try to get it out of them, but Matty and Vernon refuse to identify themselves in hopes of uniting the two sides. Suddenly a SHOT rings out. A militant Shavo has shot one of the brothers! Matty drops to the aid of his brother, shouting “VERNON! NO!” The Beardies laugh, as the Shavos have shot their own leader. Another SHOT rings out, and Matty falls to the ground. After the assassination is complete, the two sides are faced with the problem of being in the same room with a bunch of weapons, and they all back out slowly to their respective sides of town so that war can resume.

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