Synopsis:When Alex Dudley was thirteen life was simple. There were only three kinds of women in his life: His mother, his sister and the ones in Bruce Medley’s dad’s workshop. For five dollars Alex could have his pick and if he grew bored with her, no problem, all he had to do was flip the page.
Twenty years later, Alex is well positioned on the fast track to corporate success and is married to Rachel, an intelligent, beautiful and exceedingly busy woman. Between commutes the most passionate interlude they’ve had in recent months is when Rachel glanced up from her laptop long enough to smile at him through a mouthful of take-out Dim Sung. To compensate, Alex looks to his new neighbour, Maria. Every day she comes home from a jog at precisely 6:45 PM and every day Alex is there waiting for her in the elevator. Only his briefcase and a tight fitting pair of briefs conceal the urgency of his carnal fantasies on these “chance” encounters.
With his love life languishing, Alex’s job alone offers him hope of fulfilment until, Johnson, a rival co-worker, uses his system ID to humiliate him and he’s fired on the eve of a big promotion. That night, Alex tries to tell Rachel what happened but, distracted by work, Rachel doesn’t hear him.
The following morning, Alex pretends to leave for work then waits in the park across the street for his wife to leave. While there he happens upon a grisly crime scene—the latest in a series of attacks by the Spandex Killer. Alex lingers long enough to get photographed by Detective Archer, of the sex crimes unit, before returning home to pick up his golf clubs.
Meeting his still best friend, Bruce, at the country club he explains his dilemma. Bruce, a slick real estate agent and self proclaimed bachelor-savant, counsels him to use his new found freedom to take a vacation from his marriage. Ignoring Bruce’s advice, Alex returns home intending to come clean only to find a message from Rachel telling him that she is working late. With nothing but idle time on his hands, Alex follows Maria out on her daily jog. Hopelessly out of shape, Alex is unable to keep up.
After picking up some take-out food at a neighbourhood restaurant, he hears a cry from a mover pinned in a stairwell by a runaway piano. Alex hurries to the rescue and earns the gratitude of the piano’s owner, Sue. Sue is young, cute and, after being stuck at home with a dying grandmother for the past ten years, she’s desperate for a man. Any man. Alex barely escapes with his marriage vows intact.
His willpower lagging, Alex stops by an adult video store on his way home. Before he is able to find some relief by his own hand he is interrupted by Bruce. Having sold Alex’s new neighbours their condo he’s just stopping by on his way to pay a courtesy call on Maria while her boyfriend, Marco, is using the seasons tickets Bruce gave him as a signing bonus. Spying Marco passing by through the peephole Bruce leaves Alex to continue his liaison with the DVD. The mood broken, Alex stuffs it in the garbage. Taking the trash to the dumpster behind the building, Alex sees flashing police lights and follows them to an alleyway where another victim of the Spandex Killer has been found. Detective Archer spots Alex and matches him to his photo from earlier.
Rachel comes home and Alex tries one last time to woo his wife only to have her offer the excuse that her assistant came down with the flu and she’s swamped by extra work. To add insult to injury, Alex steps onto the balcony where he hears the passionate cries of Bruce and Maria through her open bedroom window.
The next day Alex conveniently runs into Sue while jogging past her apartment. She asks for his help with some shelves and Alex uses the opportunity to impress her with his skills on the piano. His mom forced him to take lessons, to keep his idle hands from doing the devil’s work, and warming up he recalls how he first enticed Rachel up to his dorm room with the promise of a song. The memory rekindles his feelings for Rachel and he runs into the streets shouting out his love for his wife.
At home, Alex cooks an elaborate feast, bones up on his back rub skills and is just stepping out of the shower when he hears a knock on his door. Marco is certain that Maria is cheating on him and demands to know if Alex has seen anyone suspicious. Noticing that Alex is in his bathrobe, as is Maria, he flies into a jealous rage. He punches Alex then sets his dog on him. A larger dog would have gone for the throat but it’s only a Shiatsu so it aims a little lower. Alex loses his briefs but escapes with most of his manhood intact.
While Alex licks his wounds, or at least disinfects them, Maria comes to apologise. Forcing her expertise as a nurse on him Alex doesn’t hear Rachel coming through the door behind them. The shock of seeing what Rachel thinks she sees Maria doing sends her storming out of the condo and into the elevator. Alex pursues down the stairs and gets to the street just in time to see Rachel driving off. At an all time low, it’s the perfect moment for Detective Archer to swoop in, sirens blaring, and arrest him as the Spandex Killer.
At his interrogation Archer presents an array of evidence — implicating photos from work, mangled boxer shorts and a little buddy whose seen an unnatural amount of wear and tear — then locks him up for the night. The next morning, he’s released with no explanation. Not able to face his empty condo, Alex sits alone on a park bench and, come nightfall, that’s where the real Spandex Killer finds him. Unbeknownst to him, though, Alex is just the bait in Detective Archer’s trap.
Public praise for his role in the sting does little to mend his shattered private life. With nowhere left to go Alex returns to Sue’s apartment. Buying her piano he uses it to perform a sidewalk serenade for Rachel. His playing may be off key but Rachel knows sincerity when she sees it.
With his marriage on solid ground again, Alex has only one last matter to attend to. On the pretence of scouting a hot property tip from Bruce, Alex parks on a quiet residential street. Busy scouring the want ads in the seat beside him Rachel doesn’t see Marco ring the bell on the house across the street. Nor does she see the man who answers the door. His frantic screams that he doesn’t know anyone named Maria fall on deaf ears and Marco brings the full rage of his spurned love to bear on Johnson.
As Alex pulls away from the curb it’s as if he’s turned a new page on his life and, while it may look remarkably similar to the page before, he knows that it will be more than enough to keep him busy.