1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Interesting premise, original take on old genre
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Great thriller!!!
Pros
The story is interestingly structured, but it works well within the genre. The mixture of flashback with real time weaves us in and out in an entertaining fashion. Both are well told and it is clear the author knows the world he is writing. The author understands his genre and tells the story in such a way that you feel compelled to turn the page. The ending has a nice twist to it that is both surprising and yet natural that comes from within. If you pay attention, the clues are there and it is possible to guess the outcome, but I admit I didn't which is always a good thing. I enjoyed most of the characters. I thought that they were fairly distinctive. The main character, Robert, actions were questionable, but they made sense by the story's end.
Cons
Your opening scene header should say where we are (town & state). You may even include an insert on screen to that effect. My biggest complaint is there is way too much description. Screen writing requires that you write with a scarcity of words. Read "Alien" for an example of scarcity in writing. Check screenplay formatting standards. For the most part, the dialog is good, but many times, it was "on the nose" or inconsequential. Finally, it is too long. At 129 pages, that is the kiss of death. For what it is, it should probably come in at or under 100 pages. There are many ways the author could achieve this, most of it already mentioned. Some scenes could be combined, like the very last two scenes where Robert meets Marty/Creedy at Winters' house. You could end it here with your final climax, etc.
The story is interestingly structured, but it works well within the genre. The mixture of flashback with real time weaves us in and out in an entertaining fashion. Both are well told and it is clear the author knows the world he is writing. The author understands his genre and tells the story in such a way that you feel compelled to turn the page. The ending has a nice twist to it that is both surprising and yet natural that comes from within. If you pay attention, the clues are there and it is possible to guess the outcome, but I admit I didn't which is always a good thing. I enjoyed most of the characters. I thought that they were fairly distinctive. The main character, Robert, actions were questionable, but they made sense by the story's end.
Cons
Your opening scene header should say where we are (town & state). You may even include an insert on screen to that effect. My biggest complaint is there is way too much description. Screen writing requires that you write with a scarcity of words. Read "Alien" for an example of scarcity in writing. Check screenplay formatting standards. For the most part, the dialog is good, but many times, it was "on the nose" or inconsequential. Finally, it is too long. At 129 pages, that is the kiss of death. For what it is, it should probably come in at or under 100 pages. There are many ways the author could achieve this, most of it already mentioned. Some scenes could be combined, like the very last two scenes where Robert meets Marty/Creedy at Winters' house. You could end it here with your final climax, etc.
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Joe