All Reviews

Very enjoyable and fun though I found the scenes toward the end too implausible for my taste. But that's me. The rest of the story is top notch though

I believe you can go far with this script. This would be a great movie, but some of the characters were a little muffled for me.... Refine your changing characters or growing characters, but anyways I enjoyed the whole script!

Keep it up!

The Question IS – is this “National Lampoon’s VACATION” with a “Spy Kid–ectomy” -– OR -- “National Lampoon’s VACATION” with a “Midnight Run-ectomy”.

I’ll go on the record and say I prefer the latter but in order for that to be the case the CAVE finale needs some modification, as in toning down of the high tech/Indiana Jones stuff.

For starters I have an amazingly tiny number of fixes…

PAGE 66:

POSSIBLE TYPO ++ They sprint off across the bridge
spasming bridge.

PAGE 79:

TYPO ++ They keep move on.

PAGE 93:

Charlie hurries across the tiles, keeping to the red ones.

++ SHOULDN’T IT BE “YELLOW ONES”?

PAGE 108:

TYPO ++ navigating the opposite down world like it’s her home court. (upside-down)


Your writing and formatting is definitely professional level. GREAT JOB! Very clean draft; very fast read. Your command of language and turn-of-phrase made the trip truly enjoyable.

Now for the cave scenes, I see things going from the far-fetched/tongue-in-cheek right into fantasy/Spy Kids/Indy territory. I do enjoy all of those films but do you want to challenge the viewer with such impossible extremes when you managed to stay just under the wire of absolute fantasy. If you rained in a bit, no Indy booby-traps – no Golden Idol moment, it would maintain your very well conceived overall tone. This is my only strong suggestion and it would take very little tweaking.

Otherwise you have my next favorite movie destination, the one I’d want to see, leaving with a smile ear-to-ear.

Great Job!

Patrick McConnell
generasp@yahoo.com

If this show is entertaining, then the combo of Hawaii and laughs will be sorely needed now that Dog the Bounty Hunter was cancelled this month.

Robert D

I have read through many scripts on Amazon now, and I must say, The Detourist has the sharpest dialogue and structure that I've read so far. Nothing feels rushed or over the top. Set pieces are fantastic. Excellent work.

I kept thinking of the Chevy Chase Vacation movies. With the right cast I would want to see it...

Take out some of the electronic devices, make them just phones, the movie would be dated before it hit dvds.

There is a point where it becomes Home Alone- where everything becomes all action- when they have to resort to walking. Like to see it be more real, not over the top. Make it about, hitting bottom, more we have to survive, we are miserable- but we are helping each other. That is when the characters transform. Make daughter more like a princesses in the beginning, complaining about the wind and her hair, etc. but not worrying about it in the end and proving to herself she can do anything. Husband and wife working together, where in the beginning, they never agreed on anything. Son and daughter helping each other.

Great humor throughout.

It would be a good time for a movie based out of Hawaii, with the success of the Descendants being so successful.

I liked it and read it in one evening.

Clearly the dialogue is the best part, funny and very polished.

If it were a movie, I'd go to see it. (With the kids)

The only part which is a bit unbelieveable are the bad guys. Mr. Parker Big and his thugs.