All Reviews

Note: I haven't watched any of the visuals but I have read both screenplays. So my comments apply only to the screenplays (which may or may not match the uploaded visuals)

I hate both dream sequences. I specifically hate opening with a dream sequence. It feels like a cheat to the audience. We start one way and then have to adjust, immediately being told that what we were establishing in our minds was all fake. I hate voice-over, too, but less so than dream sequences.

I loved the dialogue on the whole. Seemed witty and fast-paced and polished. I could see a lot of that making it into the shooting script.

You start with a dragon (eve if it is a dream) but then we never see a dragon in the story. There's no payoff to this setup. He should battle giants. Or you should bring a dragon into the climax. You're establishing an expectation that never gets fulfilled.

In the beginning Yannick seems to really really want to be a farmer. He seems so excited to be able to harvest a field that it makes more sense if he leaves the old man and goes and looks for more farmwork. He should be disinterested in farmwork more like the first draft. From the get go he should want more than just a slight upgrade to his life.

January only has one parent left. She seems unusually heartless in dealing with him. She knows that his condition is caused by great sadness and loss. Yet, she mocks him for it. Isn't she also feeling that same loss and sadness? I think you did a good job in leaving behind January as the villain of the story but there are still remnants of her being a bad guy.

I think you paint yourself into a corner by saying (however cute it sounds) fairies live on happiness and sunshine. By that measure, the bad fairy should be extremely weak. She consumed by hate and darkness. I don't think you can have a bad guy that gets it's power from happiness unless they are stealing happiness. But then most fairies would be bad, not good.

Clearly the bad fairy has the power and the will to use magic to trap the princesses. So why go through all the petals of the flower, waiting till they seal their own fate? Why wouldn't she just take them the first time she saw them? This section of plot drags out for no good reason as we all wait for them to get rid of all the petals.

The love story is still lacking. I can understand that maybe Yannick loves December at first sight because she's the prettiest. But, what is so great about Yannick that she loves him equally in return?

The audience sees early on that the party goers in fairyland are zombie-fied. How do none of the princesses notice?

I can't understand why Bob tries to break up Yannick and December around page 93. Seems almost as if he's saying something as selfish as "don't fall for her, I need you to keep up the rose garden". And this is right after a scene where you show December asking his name and connecting with him. Seems like a very forced point to just fit the "another fish in the sea" song in. Bob has to know the girls well enough to know December is different.

Yannick should catch December, not Franc. Let your Hero do all the saving. It'll make him more heroic. Right now he's mostly getting saved himself by Bob and Franc. Bob makes more a sacrifice in the story than Yannick does.

12 Princesses is a must see. I loved the over acting and innuendos. The mix of current and historic concepts made what might have been a fairy tale for the younger set relevant to all. This story transcends any morality play in that the issues facing teenagers are handled with poise and acuity.

Having become aware of this story only recently, I read the second draft of the script first. It is a story I enjoyed and found memorable. After watching the first test movie, I found myself disappointed the second draft's opening scene wasn't in it; I was apparently looking forward to seeing the scene with the dragon and humour animated. The addition of the various critters, their personalities and nuances added to the story significantly - the story is not the same without Ham.

Switching the villain from being the sister to the bad fairy was a welcome change; the bad fairy and her personality made the darker side of the story feel more dangerous (in a good way) and the villain more epic. The Fairy World felt much larger here than the gazebo in the first test movie.

Franc came alive in the second draft with a clear purpose for her existence, while her humour and banter is more refined. Later, when Franc and Bob sing to Yannick about love never being fair, the concept felt right while some details felt wrong. The song mentions December being cold, although in the second draft she never was or appeared to be cold to Yannick; the line from Bob came across as heartless, pointedly unkind, and out of character. In the second draft "trying" the other sisters seemed out of place in a couple of ways, such as choosing another sister places him in the same danger; I felt Yannick's friends would not want him falling for October rather than suggesting he try falling for October. Other than these details, the song reinforces how dangerous it is for Yannick to travel to the Fairy World that his friends would attempt to convince him to turn away from his love, while demonstrating his love for December by accepting the risks.

Overall, I enjoyed the second draft script and found it visually vivid. Thank you.