Overall Recommendation:
3.0 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
Character:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
2.0 stars
(2)
 
 
1-2 of 2 reviews
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Has Potential but mostly vanilla

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
February 05, 2012
I should start this off by letting you know that I have learned a lot by reading and re-reading the columns written by Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio--an outstanding duo who have put up some blockbusters recently. You may be familiar with them, but if not, you can find their web page at wordplayer.com.

As the script reads to me, it is likely that if all things were included it would likely not be less than a
NC-17 rating, given the language, violence and sex. They are all intensely used in the story, which I think does it a disservice. However, let me make my points, one at a time.

1. What is the target audience for this story? There is an old man, with young children (9 and 13 are young) hearing this story. Now, it would seem to me that if they were hearing the story, it would be much less graphic than what was written, due to their sensitivities, being kids, innocent, etc. Adults telling adults the same story around a campfire would be another story.

2. The site I referred to above should be (in my opinion) studied carefully by all screenwriters because they are able to help show important pieces that often go missing in stories. For example, the column titled "A Hot Script" deals with sex scenes and provides ways to communicate without it be excessive, which I believe this story is. It is one thing to stimulate, and another to overwhelm.

3. The same thing goes for the violence and language. First the language: the words the characters use should reflect their personalities and character, and should be distinct and varied. For me, the heavy handed language actually took away from the story, and made all the characters appear weak, reactive and victims that only could use language to fight against what made them afraid. Vanilla characters, with little distinctive traits. Ted and Terry's column also deal with these and other issues.

The violence closely resembled the recent War of the Worlds movie, where blood is everywhere. While this might appeal to some, the story once again becomes vanilla--everything blends into a blur of blood and violence--a constant barrage where by the end, it will desensitize the reader (or movie goer) and again take away from the story. The story becomes lost.

Is the story equal to violence? Or is the story something different, where you have a hero trying his best to save our world from a ruthless force? Maybe he loses that girl he loves and his emotions come through; maybe he thinks he is going to lose her and becomes more serious?

I think a story like this (which has been played out time and time again) can be distinctive if you carefully go for the character development, emphasizing who they are more, their weaknesses and failures, and giving them more value than simply being chopped up before the end of the story. Personally I had little or no feeling for the majority of the characters, so it was like when they died--well, yep, there goes another one. Only 9 more to kill off.

Think of the movies--commercial ones--out there that are making it big time, which is what I am assuming that you want to do. Compare this story to those and think about how it could play out with the movie goers.

I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for the opportunity to review this story.

Bruce
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Worth Price of Admission

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
January 24, 2012
I'm not a professional reviewer so I'll give my non-professional review. This is a very funny script. It reminded me a lot of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and Mars Attacks. I love those types of movies and this one fits right in with them. The story is fast paced and the characters are believable. If the language and sexual situations are toned down this could easily play to a wider audience (PG-13). Either way you've set it up nicely for the sequel. Owen Wilson would be a nice choice for Jack Schmit!
 

Reviews for