All Reviews

This is a beautifully written script. The opening paragraphs are spellbinding -- as measured and controlled as they are poetic. You have a very consistent and confident voice, and that's something that simply can't be taught.

Isaac is a great lead. You make him mysterious and forceful without ever resorting to the lazy shorthand of untouchable coolness. I also really respect that you never soften him in a cheap bid for audience sympathy. His early interactions with Korleone feel layered and moving and most importantly true. The way you fold symbolism into the narrative is also very impressive. I felt the weight of philosophy bearing down on Isaac even in the most quotidian scenes. Coach Jackson and the rest of the Demons add to the fun with simple but strong characterizations, and the script is full of great one-liners.

That's not to say I think the script is flawless, but I hope you'll take my critiques simply as friendly suggestions to be used or discarded exactly as you see fit. I think you have a very good script here but with a bit of work you could have a great one.

The main issue, as I see it, is with your story structure. The second act feels like a jumble of set-ups with no major payoff. The narrative simply feels unfocused once it leaves Chicago. While those early scenes are vibrant and dramatic, with an almost hypnotic rhythm at times, the movie sort of hits a reset button once we get to Nevada and loses its momentum. The rising action is eventually re-directed into a brother against brother conflict over Korleone's gambling activities, but this feels somewhat petty and underdeveloped compared to the psychic torment and physical violence that threatened Isaac at every turn in his hometown.

We need to see the stakes continually rise, and the only way I can see that happening is through a more intense and personal fall-out between Isaac and Korleone. Rather than force them apart with a mobster plot device, perhaps try a love triangle or even just a disagreement over how to play the game. Maybe Isaac develops into a more generous and defensive player while Korleone is the epitome of the selfish showboater. Either way, I think their falling out should stem from their own choices, not an outside influence. The final game should resolve their conflict, not create a new one between Isaac and the never before seen or mentioned Malik. I think that would give you a bit more of the downer ending feel you were going for. As is, the last game seems more like a second act turn to set up a climax that never happens, and we jump past all the good stuff right to a truncated 'where are they now' montage. I would say above all, focus on your pacing and rising action -- make sure the story is always pushing toward a climax that is directly relevant to the inner struggles of your protagonist.

These issues aside, I think you have a fantastic piece of work here and I congratulate you on it. Your passion for the subject matter and these characters is apparent on every page, and it made Ball a genuine pleasure to read. Bravo.

The story caught me because I'm a ex-professional ball player, but reminded me of He's got Game right from the start. Why I ask have we seen this before. When doing a baksetball movie about inner-city kids I think this premise is so predictable, either he sells out by throwing games or the Father fresh out of cook county prison needs to pay a debt. I'd watch if it was a straight to DVD movie but wouldn't pay to see it!