2
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2
people found the following review helpful:
Excellent script.
2
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
Write to Reel Review - Touching Blue
From our website - http://writetoreel.com/touching-blue
Hank here.
Headed back to Amazon Studios to check out another script that they seem to be excited about.
Today’s pick is Touching Blue (which I thought was about someone jumping high and touching the sky initially) by Scott Mullen, and the version I read is here.
Overall all, decent idea, and a quick read.
1.) Can we visualize the description?
Yes…BUT, and I’ll go into this more later, there wasn’t enough action. The descriptions were easy to see in meh mind’s eye, but it was mostly when Blue was just touching objects, or sitting in one of the many modes of transportation glaring at other characters.
9 out of 10 points.
2.) Does the author use an acceptable format?
Yep here too. Although, and I know I sound like a frickin broken record, but there’s a few instances of “we see” and a few references to how a scene should be shot. Again, 9 out of 10 professionals giving you notes are going to nail you on this, so avoid doing it. They’ll tell you it’s the director’s job to say what gets shot how, so instead of giving them an excuse to leave your story, just rephrase action into an accepted format.
Since there wasn’t an overwhelming amount of it in Mullen’s script, I won’t take points off. (A few instances actually helped me visualize too, but before that qualifies you to include shot angles in your script, use them sparingly if at all.)
10 out of 10 points.
3.) Is the dialogue free of exposition and rich in subtext? Does each character have a unique voice?
First off, and most annoying…
Spencer’s dialogue…fix it. Mainly after the first exchange he adds nothing but, “Are you okay?” “It’ll be alright.” “You’ll be fine.” I wondered why he even came along for the ride, other than to drive and steal a quick kiss from Blue near the end. He’d be WAYYYY cooler (and more dynamic to use a Roy word) if HE didn’t talk to Blue initially. She should try to get him to open up a bit, and let her know if she’s being watched or not. Have him answer in a word or two. This way, little hints can show he cares, and still have the payoff near the end where he wants to bring her back, by really opening up.
Also, Blue needs to be reworked in some areas. I get she wants to live in solitude, and fears the outside world, but she really hits us over the head with her point of view. Mary Alice had a much better way of showing us how she views life.
7 out of 10 points.
4.) Does the writer understand the challenges and rewards posed by the medium in which they have chosen to tell his/her story? Shorthand version of this is: Is it a movie and not a play?
As I said above, clocked in at 111 pages in pdf format. Was it a play? No, but I also saw a lot of examples where it felt almost like it could be a show somewhere in between CSI and Fringe. Not going to deduct points though, as that seems very objective.
10 out of 10 points.
5.) Is there anything unique in what the writer presents? Are the writer’s idea, based on this sample, likely to continue to be original?
The initial idea was cool. After that though, the powers were all too similar. Imagine reading X-Men where most mutants fell into three categories. Three of the main characters had unique abilities, then it felt like Mr. Mullen got lazy and just gave them all a choice of a, b, or c.
It was cool how he took the idea of police using psychics to the next level, but I would have liked to have seen some different powers on the “screamers” being killed, or at least different ways they located people.
4 out of 10 points.
6.) Does the script have a hook?
Initially, yes. As I mentioned above, it’s like Mutant CSI: The First Class. The first few pages were confusing though when trying to figure a setting. We’re set up by seeing a screamer able to touch a wall a criminal is leaning against and find out where he buried his dead wife. Not totally unique, but I’m curious how she can do that.
13 out of 15 points.
7.) Is that hook effective?
Continuing from above, so far so good.
Then she’s killed, and the room goes dark. Blue turns on a light and it took me several pages to figure out this was a different room. I kind of got what she was as she was going through her motions of touching objects, but I thought she was there trying to find out who killed the woman from the previous scene.
Another problem I had is Blue initially chases a bad guy that gets away, but I wasn’t sure if he’s the main bad guy, or someone else. If he’s not the main bad guy, him getting away has no payoff. (But Spencer says it’ll be alright, like he always does, so I guess we as the audience must take his word for it.)
Why can’t this be Jack from the get go? Makes more sense for Quinn to come in and takeover the case from Meyer. Also lets Graham get what he wants, by forcing Blue to help as it isn’t an isolated incident. Both instances can be a chance to really turn up the conflict
5 out of 10 points.
8.) Is there enough to maintain the hook? Reveals, conflict, etc.?
Alright, here’s where my imaginary red pen ran out of ink.
Ever read The Lord of the Rings Trilogy? The books, not scripts from the movies. If you did, and compare them to the movies, you should get what I’m talking about here.
Not…enough…ACTION!
There is a lot of dramatic talkie talkie, but when we finally get to a good part, like Blue almost catching the criminal, it’s sped through so we can get back to more talking during forensics.
This is what I was referring to when I asked about Lord of the Rings. Remember the epic battle scene at Helm’s Deep? Awesome ending to the second movie right? In the books it was, and I’m drawing on my aging memory here, like one and a half pages.
What?! That’s right, Tolkien wanted to get back to the talking and debating.
Now, unless you’re genius enough to create an entire world with THOUSANDS of years of descriptive history and various ages, you probably should avoid this, which would be my advice to Mr. Mullen.
There are numerous cliché scenes, whether riding in a plane or a van, or sitting in hotel rooms, that need to be jettisoned for ACTION.
I didn’t really care what happened next as I went through the script, and had a hard time initially understanding why. This is it though, the few times I did get excited, it was over before I could do anything with it.
LOVE STORY PROBLEMS.
This is beginning to be my pet peeve as I read these scripts. If you’re going to have a love interest for the main character that they end up with in the end, introduce them early. (Most professionals advise RIGHT AFTER the inciting incident, but again, the earlier the better.)
Taylor was introduced halfway through, besides a reference or two in the beginning, but when we find him, we’re playing catch-up. Blue’s all over the place with him, and although I liked her being selfish because she could finally touch him, I found myself asking, “Does she really love him?”
That whole “bringing him back” segment needs to be cleared up to answer that previous question. If she’s selfish, fine make her selfish, but if she truly loves him, she won’t want to touch him regardless of how good it feels.
GRAHAM.
He needs to be reworked. He mainly needs more depth. My suggestion would be like a Professor Xavier, but with a really dark side. The older screamers from the Barn know he’s selfish, but he should be very gentle and nurturing with the younger folks like Emma. That way we’re left wondering if maybe he isn’t somehow connected to the murders.
1 out of 10 points. (Unlike Roy, I feel mean giving zeros.)
9.) Does the story play to a target audience, and have the elements demanded by that audience?
Another problem is the target audience is kind of undefined. If we’re shooting for sci-fi buffs, I think the lack of unique powers and all the sitting around will leave them wondering if they need more popcorn.
If it was meant for the dedicated, and they are, CSI type viewers I think the slight sci-fi stuff will weird them out. (It’s why my mom loves CSI, but dad watches Fringe by himself.)
5 out of 10 points.
Conclusion
I liked it, but mainly because it was a fast read and didn’t take up a lot of my time. I can very much see it as a cable TV series more than a major motion picture. And if with current trends, that might be a better strategy to get it going, what with the original programming successes of HBO, Showtime, and even Scifi.
My favorite character was Norman. I loved him being able to know when people were lying or not, and once I figured out the finger thing I thought it was very cool. If more characters could have little unique characteristics like his, I would have been more worried about them getting bumped off.
The ending was a nice twist. I knew Sandra was in on it, but how it was presented was different than how I imagined, and had me thinking I was wrong right before the conclusion. I think this scene could have also been drawn out more, but that falls under #8, but I remembered it here.
64 out of 100 points.
Hank here.
Headed back to Amazon Studios to check out another script that they seem to be excited about.
Today’s pick is Touching Blue (which I thought was about someone jumping high and touching the sky initially) by Scott Mullen, and the version I read is here.
Overall all, decent idea, and a quick read.
1.) Can we visualize the description?
Yes…BUT, and I’ll go into this more later, there wasn’t enough action. The descriptions were easy to see in meh mind’s eye, but it was mostly when Blue was just touching objects, or sitting in one of the many modes of transportation glaring at other characters.
9 out of 10 points.
2.) Does the author use an acceptable format?
Yep here too. Although, and I know I sound like a frickin broken record, but there’s a few instances of “we see” and a few references to how a scene should be shot. Again, 9 out of 10 professionals giving you notes are going to nail you on this, so avoid doing it. They’ll tell you it’s the director’s job to say what gets shot how, so instead of giving them an excuse to leave your story, just rephrase action into an accepted format.
Since there wasn’t an overwhelming amount of it in Mullen’s script, I won’t take points off. (A few instances actually helped me visualize too, but before that qualifies you to include shot angles in your script, use them sparingly if at all.)
10 out of 10 points.
3.) Is the dialogue free of exposition and rich in subtext? Does each character have a unique voice?
First off, and most annoying…
Spencer’s dialogue…fix it. Mainly after the first exchange he adds nothing but, “Are you okay?” “It’ll be alright.” “You’ll be fine.” I wondered why he even came along for the ride, other than to drive and steal a quick kiss from Blue near the end. He’d be WAYYYY cooler (and more dynamic to use a Roy word) if HE didn’t talk to Blue initially. She should try to get him to open up a bit, and let her know if she’s being watched or not. Have him answer in a word or two. This way, little hints can show he cares, and still have the payoff near the end where he wants to bring her back, by really opening up.
Also, Blue needs to be reworked in some areas. I get she wants to live in solitude, and fears the outside world, but she really hits us over the head with her point of view. Mary Alice had a much better way of showing us how she views life.
7 out of 10 points.
4.) Does the writer understand the challenges and rewards posed by the medium in which they have chosen to tell his/her story? Shorthand version of this is: Is it a movie and not a play?
As I said above, clocked in at 111 pages in pdf format. Was it a play? No, but I also saw a lot of examples where it felt almost like it could be a show somewhere in between CSI and Fringe. Not going to deduct points though, as that seems very objective.
10 out of 10 points.
5.) Is there anything unique in what the writer presents? Are the writer’s idea, based on this sample, likely to continue to be original?
The initial idea was cool. After that though, the powers were all too similar. Imagine reading X-Men where most mutants fell into three categories. Three of the main characters had unique abilities, then it felt like Mr. Mullen got lazy and just gave them all a choice of a, b, or c.
It was cool how he took the idea of police using psychics to the next level, but I would have liked to have seen some different powers on the “screamers” being killed, or at least different ways they located people.
4 out of 10 points.
6.) Does the script have a hook?
Initially, yes. As I mentioned above, it’s like Mutant CSI: The First Class. The first few pages were confusing though when trying to figure a setting. We’re set up by seeing a screamer able to touch a wall a criminal is leaning against and find out where he buried his dead wife. Not totally unique, but I’m curious how she can do that.
13 out of 15 points.
7.) Is that hook effective?
Continuing from above, so far so good.
Then she’s killed, and the room goes dark. Blue turns on a light and it took me several pages to figure out this was a different room. I kind of got what she was as she was going through her motions of touching objects, but I thought she was there trying to find out who killed the woman from the previous scene.
Another problem I had is Blue initially chases a bad guy that gets away, but I wasn’t sure if he’s the main bad guy, or someone else. If he’s not the main bad guy, him getting away has no payoff. (But Spencer says it’ll be alright, like he always does, so I guess we as the audience must take his word for it.)
Why can’t this be Jack from the get go? Makes more sense for Quinn to come in and takeover the case from Meyer. Also lets Graham get what he wants, by forcing Blue to help as it isn’t an isolated incident. Both instances can be a chance to really turn up the conflict
5 out of 10 points.
8.) Is there enough to maintain the hook? Reveals, conflict, etc.?
Alright, here’s where my imaginary red pen ran out of ink.
Ever read The Lord of the Rings Trilogy? The books, not scripts from the movies. If you did, and compare them to the movies, you should get what I’m talking about here.
Not…enough…ACTION!
There is a lot of dramatic talkie talkie, but when we finally get to a good part, like Blue almost catching the criminal, it’s sped through so we can get back to more talking during forensics.
This is what I was referring to when I asked about Lord of the Rings. Remember the epic battle scene at Helm’s Deep? Awesome ending to the second movie right? In the books it was, and I’m drawing on my aging memory here, like one and a half pages.
What?! That’s right, Tolkien wanted to get back to the talking and debating.
Now, unless you’re genius enough to create an entire world with THOUSANDS of years of descriptive history and various ages, you probably should avoid this, which would be my advice to Mr. Mullen.
There are numerous cliché scenes, whether riding in a plane or a van, or sitting in hotel rooms, that need to be jettisoned for ACTION.
I didn’t really care what happened next as I went through the script, and had a hard time initially understanding why. This is it though, the few times I did get excited, it was over before I could do anything with it.
LOVE STORY PROBLEMS.
This is beginning to be my pet peeve as I read these scripts. If you’re going to have a love interest for the main character that they end up with in the end, introduce them early. (Most professionals advise RIGHT AFTER the inciting incident, but again, the earlier the better.)
Taylor was introduced halfway through, besides a reference or two in the beginning, but when we find him, we’re playing catch-up. Blue’s all over the place with him, and although I liked her being selfish because she could finally touch him, I found myself asking, “Does she really love him?”
That whole “bringing him back” segment needs to be cleared up to answer that previous question. If she’s selfish, fine make her selfish, but if she truly loves him, she won’t want to touch him regardless of how good it feels.
GRAHAM.
He needs to be reworked. He mainly needs more depth. My suggestion would be like a Professor Xavier, but with a really dark side. The older screamers from the Barn know he’s selfish, but he should be very gentle and nurturing with the younger folks like Emma. That way we’re left wondering if maybe he isn’t somehow connected to the murders.
1 out of 10 points. (Unlike Roy, I feel mean giving zeros.)
9.) Does the story play to a target audience, and have the elements demanded by that audience?
Another problem is the target audience is kind of undefined. If we’re shooting for sci-fi buffs, I think the lack of unique powers and all the sitting around will leave them wondering if they need more popcorn.
If it was meant for the dedicated, and they are, CSI type viewers I think the slight sci-fi stuff will weird them out. (It’s why my mom loves CSI, but dad watches Fringe by himself.)
5 out of 10 points.
Conclusion
I liked it, but mainly because it was a fast read and didn’t take up a lot of my time. I can very much see it as a cable TV series more than a major motion picture. And if with current trends, that might be a better strategy to get it going, what with the original programming successes of HBO, Showtime, and even Scifi.
My favorite character was Norman. I loved him being able to know when people were lying or not, and once I figured out the finger thing I thought it was very cool. If more characters could have little unique characteristics like his, I would have been more worried about them getting bumped off.
The ending was a nice twist. I knew Sandra was in on it, but how it was presented was different than how I imagined, and had me thinking I was wrong right before the conclusion. I think this scene could have also been drawn out more, but that falls under #8, but I remembered it here.
64 out of 100 points.
1
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Bluer
Thanks for turning me onto draft three.
The intro is much better than the previous version. I think you can amp up the screamers so they make a more visual impact on the screen without sacrificing their vulnerability.
Blue and the others of her ilk as written would look to a bystander like odd-birds in their rubber outerwear but i think the story would benefit by giving them more of a presence. Perhaps they look scar, but we discover that despite their looks they are vulnerable?
Suggestion, the screamers go into trances when using their site. They look kind of freaky when using their gifts. Perhaps Kathy is a "scribe" she touches the wall and goes into somekind of convulsive trance, during which she scrawls directions to the location of the body of the murdered wife. When she's finished, she slips the directions under her door to a deputy waiting outside.
Perhaps, Blue's eyes roll back in her head when she's tracking the rapist? Maybe she glides down into the subway station. And people are freaked out. Perhaps only the presence of the police escort keeps them from panicking?
I think you could offer a POV showing her trance vision. Maybe it looks something like the scene in Lord Of The Rings where the Ranger slips on the Ring...he sees into another dimension, the nazgul approaching. But in this case, the object of her search is illuminated somehow. I think this would add a fun slightly macabre flavor to the story.
Also I like her paranoia about being watched. I think you could take that a bit further. Blue has problems...perhaps there is someone capable of quelling her fears? He talks her down, so to speak?
About the revelation that Kathy and many others of her kind are dead or missing: I think this should unfold over the first act....we discover on page thirty that Kathy isn't alone...and that it's likely one of her kind. I think discovering this knowledge could be interesting. The intro to the movie "Se7en" comes to mind. Of course, it doesn't have to be that graphic. I really like that film but it was difficult to watch.
Additionally, I think the first 13 pages could be tighter. What if you have the FBI agents at the crime scene as Blue investigates. Her finding the rose could then lead straight in to the chase of the rapist.
Hope the suggestions help. Again, loved your premise!!!!!
The intro is much better than the previous version. I think you can amp up the screamers so they make a more visual impact on the screen without sacrificing their vulnerability.
Blue and the others of her ilk as written would look to a bystander like odd-birds in their rubber outerwear but i think the story would benefit by giving them more of a presence. Perhaps they look scar, but we discover that despite their looks they are vulnerable?
Suggestion, the screamers go into trances when using their site. They look kind of freaky when using their gifts. Perhaps Kathy is a "scribe" she touches the wall and goes into somekind of convulsive trance, during which she scrawls directions to the location of the body of the murdered wife. When she's finished, she slips the directions under her door to a deputy waiting outside.
Perhaps, Blue's eyes roll back in her head when she's tracking the rapist? Maybe she glides down into the subway station. And people are freaked out. Perhaps only the presence of the police escort keeps them from panicking?
I think you could offer a POV showing her trance vision. Maybe it looks something like the scene in Lord Of The Rings where the Ranger slips on the Ring...he sees into another dimension, the nazgul approaching. But in this case, the object of her search is illuminated somehow. I think this would add a fun slightly macabre flavor to the story.
Also I like her paranoia about being watched. I think you could take that a bit further. Blue has problems...perhaps there is someone capable of quelling her fears? He talks her down, so to speak?
About the revelation that Kathy and many others of her kind are dead or missing: I think this should unfold over the first act....we discover on page thirty that Kathy isn't alone...and that it's likely one of her kind. I think discovering this knowledge could be interesting. The intro to the movie "Se7en" comes to mind. Of course, it doesn't have to be that graphic. I really like that film but it was difficult to watch.
Additionally, I think the first 13 pages could be tighter. What if you have the FBI agents at the crime scene as Blue investigates. Her finding the rose could then lead straight in to the chase of the rapist.
Hope the suggestions help. Again, loved your premise!!!!!
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Great!!
Really enjoyed it.... I look forward to seeing it as a real movie
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people found the following review helpful:
Disappointed with the ending
I enjoyed reading this script but, while I was reading it, I couldn't help thinking that if I was watching it on the screen I would probably be bored.
It doesn't have many action scenes and I think that can be a problem.
Also in my humble opinion the end was a deception. I was expecting a huge twist but that didn't happen. I figured out who the killer was way before the end and that ruined it for me.
Also the reason why the killer was killing the other screamers is very weak. It don't work for me. The way that the killer surrenders didn't convinced me at all, it was too easy.
I love the concept and the characters that the author created but I have to say that I was expecting more in the end.
One question that popped up in my mind when I was reading was how Taylor's mother, Sandra, was a screamer too. If screamers get burn when they touch other people how did she got pregnant? Was before she became a screamer? That would mean that she became a screamer when she was more than 22 years old, the other screamers became screamers when they were children. You get what I mean?
The script is very easy to read as it is very well written and formatted. As an aspiring screenwriter I hope I can write like this one day.
As a movie fan I'm just disappointed with the ending.
It doesn't have many action scenes and I think that can be a problem.
Also in my humble opinion the end was a deception. I was expecting a huge twist but that didn't happen. I figured out who the killer was way before the end and that ruined it for me.
Also the reason why the killer was killing the other screamers is very weak. It don't work for me. The way that the killer surrenders didn't convinced me at all, it was too easy.
I love the concept and the characters that the author created but I have to say that I was expecting more in the end.
One question that popped up in my mind when I was reading was how Taylor's mother, Sandra, was a screamer too. If screamers get burn when they touch other people how did she got pregnant? Was before she became a screamer? That would mean that she became a screamer when she was more than 22 years old, the other screamers became screamers when they were children. You get what I mean?
The script is very easy to read as it is very well written and formatted. As an aspiring screenwriter I hope I can write like this one day.
As a movie fan I'm just disappointed with the ending.
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Extremely worthy of spending on funds!
There are two certain traditions in film, the protagonist being a male, and an adult. Well, it’s always good to break away from the chains of tradition so you can grace the world with uniqueness. Such works that result from such action-taking are unique and that’s what ‘Touching Blue’ is. I congratulate Scott Mullen - the writer - for having used a teenage girl as protagonist; that’s what I call triumphing over usualness. Touching Blue is unique. To my knowledge, the story concept is original.
The combination of Thriller and Suspense with Science Fiction and fantasy gives Touching Blue a compelling hook. This would be a great audience-charming movie!
About the 3-act structure, dialogue, characters, and portrayal of the genres attributed to the script story, narration/action, I must say a great job was done. It was too excellent of the writer that I am really speechless about it, the fact this review isn’t a long one.
Touching Blue is not just worthy but extremely worthy of spending on funds!
The combination of Thriller and Suspense with Science Fiction and fantasy gives Touching Blue a compelling hook. This would be a great audience-charming movie!
About the 3-act structure, dialogue, characters, and portrayal of the genres attributed to the script story, narration/action, I must say a great job was done. It was too excellent of the writer that I am really speechless about it, the fact this review isn’t a long one.
Touching Blue is not just worthy but extremely worthy of spending on funds!
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A Marvelous Journey Worth Taking -- Touching Blue
Hello Scott,
Congratulations on creating a powerful, thought provoking, fluidly written psychic drama.
What a pleasure to read; your formatting was as close to perfect as I’ve ever read. Great craft and fresh characters make this script jump off the page. My imagination shines brighter then the test movies; I believe this has a much greater potential then what is alluded to in these test pieces. This is a good example of the inherent possible negative of the entire test movie philosophy. I have nothing against trying to highlight a strong script but a less than encouraging reaction to the test movie can have a negative impact on a project; can taint a delicate impression. I think you have something brighter, BLUER, than what the test movie imagines. I hope to see this fully realized script made into a visually stunning reality on the big screen.
“THREE” possible format fixes for your entire script, amazingly well done…
PAGE 25:
++ TYPO ++ Asked up to keep it
quiet. She was good. (Asked us)
PAGE 31:
EXT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
SUGGEST…
++ INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
PAGE 34:
SUGGEST CUT ++ Mid-range.
Scott, I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your next script. Thank you for allowing me to read and enjoy this one.
Patrick McConnell
generasp@yahoo.com
Congratulations on creating a powerful, thought provoking, fluidly written psychic drama.
What a pleasure to read; your formatting was as close to perfect as I’ve ever read. Great craft and fresh characters make this script jump off the page. My imagination shines brighter then the test movies; I believe this has a much greater potential then what is alluded to in these test pieces. This is a good example of the inherent possible negative of the entire test movie philosophy. I have nothing against trying to highlight a strong script but a less than encouraging reaction to the test movie can have a negative impact on a project; can taint a delicate impression. I think you have something brighter, BLUER, than what the test movie imagines. I hope to see this fully realized script made into a visually stunning reality on the big screen.
“THREE” possible format fixes for your entire script, amazingly well done…
PAGE 25:
++ TYPO ++ Asked up to keep it
quiet. She was good. (Asked us)
PAGE 31:
EXT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
SUGGEST…
++ INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
PAGE 34:
SUGGEST CUT ++ Mid-range.
Scott, I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your next script. Thank you for allowing me to read and enjoy this one.
Patrick McConnell
generasp@yahoo.com
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A Screenplay Worth Studying
This is a screenplay worth studying. It's greatest strength is that it is highly visual, devoid of unnecessary description and narrative.
Third act problems: I have some reservations about the killer's identity primarily because the conclusion somehow didn't seem to flow from the preceding developments. Perhaps after another reading -- or watching a test film -- I'll feel otherwise. If the author agrees, though, I think it shouldn't be hard to introduce the character earlier and make the resolution more satisfying and integral.
This script is really gripping, and I lost my "willing suspension of disbelief" only once, when Tailor, standing on the bridge contemplating suicide, falls dues to a broken railing. I just didn't buy it. I hope the author can find a way to make the fall/rescue scene more plausible.
I'll be reading this again -- to learn from it. I'm glad this is on the development slate -- an excellent decision by Amazon Studios.
Third act problems: I have some reservations about the killer's identity primarily because the conclusion somehow didn't seem to flow from the preceding developments. Perhaps after another reading -- or watching a test film -- I'll feel otherwise. If the author agrees, though, I think it shouldn't be hard to introduce the character earlier and make the resolution more satisfying and integral.
This script is really gripping, and I lost my "willing suspension of disbelief" only once, when Tailor, standing on the bridge contemplating suicide, falls dues to a broken railing. I just didn't buy it. I hope the author can find a way to make the fall/rescue scene more plausible.
I'll be reading this again -- to learn from it. I'm glad this is on the development slate -- an excellent decision by Amazon Studios.
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Good Work !!!
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Sweet concept!! Best of luck to you
I can see from the site that this script has been well received and performed good in competition so there isn't much I can offer in the way of advice in how to improve it.
The writer knows how to write in the screenplay form. The writing is vertical and efficient. No scenes or dialog is wasted or there as filler. Everything flows well from page one to end. Structure is solid through the acts and plot points. Formatting and style is professional and on par with any produced screenplays I have read.
Plot and characters all work very well, with none of the characters appearing as cliché or 2-dimensional.
The most important question with a script after you make sure all the elements are in place and it works as a script, is would I watch this as a movie? The answer is yes.
It was one of the days of writing that I read this and wished I could write as well. Well done and good luck with it.