Holy mackerel, you are one prolific writer, Bernie! What do you do in your spare time? Solve world peace? :) So I read through The ROM, and I really like your sense of humor, and the way this story doesn't take itself too seriously. The characters have the perfect witty one-liners for a story of this kind. One joke that made me laugh was when Dr. Gum says: Enough egg jokes, let’s get crackin’. I really appreciate when the characters and screenwriter poke fun of themselves.
There's a lot of really good action here, too. The raptors tear through everyone! Nice! There's lots of action, and you whip through it with your prose--exactly what an action/sci fi movie needs. Even though I'd say the story runs long on page count -- 90 to 110 is really the max these days -- unless you're writing for Bollywood, and then you can get away with much longer films! -- despite that, it reads very quick.
A couple of constructive critiques that I would have: first, the formatting needs work. Maybe it's just the way your files were imported? But if not, I would invest in The Screenwriter's Bible book. Of course, formatting is important, but I always prefer to focus on the story instead of the persnickety formatting details. As for the story itself, I do have to say--and I hope this doesn't offend you -- that it really reads more like a stream of consciousness effort, where maybe you were just trying to get all these great ideas you had down on paper? So, I guess I'm saying it reads more like a rough draft. There is A LOT of detail here that probably would have to be trimmed. On the other hand, you've got a lot of *great* detail. It's all just about choosing the *right* detail. So, maybe instead of cranking out the next-next story, it would be good to take this and really "cut the fat" as they say. Writing is re-writing, after all.
I guess the only other thing that I would add is that I did miss not having a central hero throughout. I realize you were trying to go for a big-budget "disaster" epic, but there are SO many characters in this story that I didn't really get a chance to know any of them. Usually, even in the disaster films, there are just a few characters that we can focus on and really get to know and care about (before they die horrible deaths -- ha, ha) and then there's also all this amazing disaster stuff happening around them.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Hope you find it helpful!!
There's a lot of really good action here, too. The raptors tear through everyone! Nice! There's lots of action, and you whip through it with your prose--exactly what an action/sci fi movie needs. Even though I'd say the story runs long on page count -- 90 to 110 is really the max these days -- unless you're writing for Bollywood, and then you can get away with much longer films! -- despite that, it reads very quick.
A couple of constructive critiques that I would have: first, the formatting needs work. Maybe it's just the way your files were imported? But if not, I would invest in The Screenwriter's Bible book. Of course, formatting is important, but I always prefer to focus on the story instead of the persnickety formatting details. As for the story itself, I do have to say--and I hope this doesn't offend you -- that it really reads more like a stream of consciousness effort, where maybe you were just trying to get all these great ideas you had down on paper? So, I guess I'm saying it reads more like a rough draft. There is A LOT of detail here that probably would have to be trimmed. On the other hand, you've got a lot of *great* detail. It's all just about choosing the *right* detail. So, maybe instead of cranking out the next-next story, it would be good to take this and really "cut the fat" as they say. Writing is re-writing, after all.
I guess the only other thing that I would add is that I did miss not having a central hero throughout. I realize you were trying to go for a big-budget "disaster" epic, but there are SO many characters in this story that I didn't really get a chance to know any of them. Usually, even in the disaster films, there are just a few characters that we can focus on and really get to know and care about (before they die horrible deaths -- ha, ha) and then there's also all this amazing disaster stuff happening around them.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Hope you find it helpful!!