Follow the Money. I see an Ironman rewrite but I do not see the money. Where did Carter get the money to build the dome in secret?
Sarah should not have been dead but vaporized; that makes it more plausible that she travelled through the portal but then what became of her doppleganger in the other universe?
Fight another parallel world might work as a premise.
A dome that 600 million people did not notice and run to for help? Not buying it. How come the drones did not see it? Why are the drones not using classic siege warfare to attack the dome? What is their hurry to attack the dome?
Energy? Where is all the energy coming from to do all this with the suits? and Where did the skills come from to be able to reactive the suits and supply them with energy. It just replaces one current modern technology with an older modern technology in a world filled with The Dark or Middle Ages people.
Gorman’s Grunts just seem to materialize from the ether. How did he gather and transport these folks to the dome? If they could wipe out the drones before with the same tech and personnel then why did they not do it?
The night convoy? Can the drones not see or hear at night? How does Gorman’s Grunts camouflage their convoy so they can make it.
I like a story first, action sequences later. Just seems like this does not jump in to the story midstream.
The premise and backstory provide a solid ground for this story, and the post-armageddon world with struggling military holdouts will certainly provide some good visuals and keep it from feeling as "Star-gatey" as the premise seems, at least on the surface. I really like "mirror world" feeling and the fact that the protagonist lost a limb which brings up the whole Star Wars/Man v. Machine thing. There are a lot of elements in this story that seem to come from other movies stories (Stargate, Event Horizon, Star Wars, the TV show Sliders, etc.), so the difficulty will be to make it stand out on its own.
Sarah should not have been dead but vaporized; that makes it more plausible that she travelled through the portal but then what became of her doppleganger in the other universe?
Fight another parallel world might work as a premise.
A dome that 600 million people did not notice and run to for help? Not buying it. How come the drones did not see it? Why are the drones not using classic siege warfare to attack the dome? What is their hurry to attack the dome?
Energy? Where is all the energy coming from to do all this with the suits? and Where did the skills come from to be able to reactive the suits and supply them with energy. It just replaces one current modern technology with an older modern technology in a world filled with The Dark or Middle Ages people.
Gorman’s Grunts just seem to materialize from the ether. How did he gather and transport these folks to the dome? If they could wipe out the drones before with the same tech and personnel then why did they not do it?
The night convoy? Can the drones not see or hear at night? How does Gorman’s Grunts camouflage their convoy so they can make it.
I like a story first, action sequences later. Just seems like this does not jump in to the story midstream.