0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Best project on Amazon
Really great ideas. Best original project on Amazon right now.
2
out of
5
people found the following review helpful:
Solid Potential - Needs A Bigger Punch
In my opinion, this first draft is the most intelligent and promising of the top 5. A great premise with the US Gov't replacing 99% of its soldiers with drones, a solid plot structure with some interesting twists, and some unique characters and villains to boot (especially the Android). So, you've got that going for you. But what are some improvements?
My immediate thought after reading the resolution of the script was "Well, isn't that just dandy." Everyone makes it home safe, he gets a nice little award, and even a surprise grandson as a cherry on top. Blah - scrap that. Too fake, too phony and cliche. This story from the start is gritty, in the hot desert sands, a no shit general who sticks to the old ways, who questions the US gov'ts decision to replace blood and guts soldiers with autonomous robots. This story should have a gray ending, the hero should come out bruised, the US government should suffer real consequences for its naivety, the world should come out changed.
With these thoughts in mind, I would rewrite the Reactor Sequence, ACT 3, and the resolution. Instead of simply writing off the villain by saying, "Knowing Keller, he won't then use the virus," how about he DOES run the virus. How about something happens to the world or the US as a consequence for their naive actions?
In my opinion this story needs to narrow its focus; it's very unrealistic to have "an airborne mechanical virus called STUXNET 7 that scrambles binary systems" that threatens the entire world. I'd bring it down a notch and make it as scientifically feasible as possible; how about a normal (non-airborne) STUXNET virus that disrupts US nuclear facilities which control its drone forces, or perhaps a virus that disrupts a newly launched Allied Satellite which controls drone forces.
Let's move on the big Android reveal. It's a nice twist, but I think it would pan out better if you foreshadowed that this android technology was in production in the first acts of the script (moreover, show that Gen. Worth was particularly spiteful of this technology). Gen. Worth's should end up changing his mind over the course of the movie, realizing after Android May's death that it can be beneficial. Again, you need to emphasize the theme regarding the moral ambiguity of technology. Also, please think of something more fascinating than "his blood is blue!" when he's revealed to be an Android.
In the final act, the villain should send off the virus and wreak havoc; the world needs to have consequences and we as an audience need to see that. It's fine for the protagonist to prevent all out catastrophe, but make something bad and impactful happen to the characters.
Hopefully this wasn't too long-winded. You've got a good start, but now you need to make it truly suspenseful and impactful.
My immediate thought after reading the resolution of the script was "Well, isn't that just dandy." Everyone makes it home safe, he gets a nice little award, and even a surprise grandson as a cherry on top. Blah - scrap that. Too fake, too phony and cliche. This story from the start is gritty, in the hot desert sands, a no shit general who sticks to the old ways, who questions the US gov'ts decision to replace blood and guts soldiers with autonomous robots. This story should have a gray ending, the hero should come out bruised, the US government should suffer real consequences for its naivety, the world should come out changed.
With these thoughts in mind, I would rewrite the Reactor Sequence, ACT 3, and the resolution. Instead of simply writing off the villain by saying, "Knowing Keller, he won't then use the virus," how about he DOES run the virus. How about something happens to the world or the US as a consequence for their naive actions?
In my opinion this story needs to narrow its focus; it's very unrealistic to have "an airborne mechanical virus called STUXNET 7 that scrambles binary systems" that threatens the entire world. I'd bring it down a notch and make it as scientifically feasible as possible; how about a normal (non-airborne) STUXNET virus that disrupts US nuclear facilities which control its drone forces, or perhaps a virus that disrupts a newly launched Allied Satellite which controls drone forces.
Let's move on the big Android reveal. It's a nice twist, but I think it would pan out better if you foreshadowed that this android technology was in production in the first acts of the script (moreover, show that Gen. Worth was particularly spiteful of this technology). Gen. Worth's should end up changing his mind over the course of the movie, realizing after Android May's death that it can be beneficial. Again, you need to emphasize the theme regarding the moral ambiguity of technology. Also, please think of something more fascinating than "his blood is blue!" when he's revealed to be an Android.
In the final act, the villain should send off the virus and wreak havoc; the world needs to have consequences and we as an audience need to see that. It's fine for the protagonist to prevent all out catastrophe, but make something bad and impactful happen to the characters.
Hopefully this wasn't too long-winded. You've got a good start, but now you need to make it truly suspenseful and impactful.
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Great Action, Great Ending!
Based on the treatment alone, I can safely say this script is going to kick ass.
Love the setup, action sequences, and the twist ending!
Love the setup, action sequences, and the twist ending!
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