The action sequences, especially the sword duels, were particularly staged well and were visually compelling in your descriptions. The format here is top notch and so is the fantasy world, and the fantasy speak you've concocted with your characters. The overall premise of the Storm Dragons defending Thalderon, which is the nation stuck between the enemy nations, was compelling and left open several possibilities for a great story. It was simple enough to work really well. But the key is trying to keep it simple and not overblown.
The biggest problem I had with this concept is trying to follow along with the great number of odd-named characters and their distinct purposes within the story. I can see that you put a great deal of time and effort into your well-thought out dialogue and fantasy speeches concerning the purpose of the Storm Dragons, the Dragon God, the Night Eye and the other mythical figures and their legends. It reads and sounds like a film within the fantasy genre.
But I just couldn't quite follow along after about thirty pages in. I felt that the author got so caught up in the "fantasy speak" that it not only hurt the pacing but hurt the reader's ability to identify with the characters and their journey. I know it's fantasy, but their needs to be some moments of levity in this, or something that can easily be translated to the modern day.
Too many long passages became frustrating to me early on...but I feel I'm at a disadvantage here, because I typically hate fantasy films like 300, Wrath of the Titans and Conan The Barbarian. I'm probably not the best person to critique your script because I just can't get into the story or fantasy world dialogue.
The best, and worst, thing about fantasy is that you can create whatever world you want and real world rules don't apply. But the tendency with fantasy is to get too carried away with your own ideas that the ideas become scrambled and un clear.
I got lost pretty early on and couldn't identify with any of the characters or felt the need to follow them on their journey. I feel this was due to too much information and back story thrown at me all at once.
I could see simplifying this story to a great extent, cutting down on characters and giving them a distinct voice and purpose that stands out. But I was immediately drawn in by the city of Thalderon and the passages between the enemy nations. This was a great, simple concept that left a lot of open doors for story concepts about the rival nations.
But strong format, great action sequences and very inventive fantasy world and distinct language show a professional at work with Storm Dragons.
The action sequences, especially the sword duels, were particularly staged well and were visually compelling in your descriptions. The format here is top notch and so is the fantasy world, and the fantasy speak you've concocted with your characters. The overall premise of the Storm Dragons defending Thalderon, which is the nation stuck between the enemy nations, was compelling and left open several possibilities for a great story. It was simple enough to work really well. But the key is trying to keep it simple and not overblown.
The biggest problem I had with this concept is trying to follow along with the great number of odd-named characters and their distinct purposes within the story. I can see that you put a great deal of time and effort into your well-thought out dialogue and fantasy speeches concerning the purpose of the Storm Dragons, the Dragon God, the Night Eye and the other mythical figures and their legends. It reads and sounds like a film within the fantasy genre.
But I just couldn't quite follow along after about thirty pages in. I felt that the author got so caught up in the "fantasy speak" that it not only hurt the pacing but hurt the reader's ability to identify with the characters and their journey. I know it's fantasy, but their needs to be some moments of levity in this, or something that can easily be translated to the modern day.
Too many long passages became frustrating to me early on...but I feel I'm at a disadvantage here, because I typically hate fantasy films like 300, Wrath of the Titans and Conan The Barbarian. I'm probably not the best person to critique your script because I just can't get into the story or fantasy world dialogue.
The best, and worst, thing about fantasy is that you can create whatever world you want and real world rules don't apply. But the tendency with fantasy is to get too carried away with your own ideas that the ideas become scrambled and un clear.
I got lost pretty early on and couldn't identify with any of the characters or felt the need to follow them on their journey. I feel this was due to too much information and back story thrown at me all at once.
I could see simplifying this story to a great extent, cutting down on characters and giving them a distinct voice and purpose that stands out. But I was immediately drawn in by the city of Thalderon and the passages between the enemy nations. This was a great, simple concept that left a lot of open doors for story concepts about the rival nations.
But strong format, great action sequences and very inventive fantasy world and distinct language show a professional at work with Storm Dragons.
Sorry about the delay.