6
out of
6
people found the following review helpful:
A serious Sci-Fi Thriller, from a woman's perspective
4
out of
4
people found the following review helpful:
Sci-Fi Non-Fan Loves Script
It's interesting that some of the very things others don't like (or question) about the script are the very things that make it acceptable to someone who is really not a lover of science fiction. The "aliens" don't sound overly bizarre, scary, obnoxious, gooey, etc. The humans seem--human--normal, low-key, everyday folks with the typical problems and concerns of the folks we all know.
Dillon doesn't seem detached at all. The only couple I've known who spent 4 years undergoing serious fertility treatment ended up with a divorce. One might criticize his character for being a totally 1950ish mainstream, toe the line guy, but he and Skylar both know that is what he is. He wants the house, the car, the picket fence, the wife and child and probably the dog. In spite of the fact that he initially pushes for the experimental treatment and hides what he knows about it from Skylar, he is one who follows the rules and authority figures. So he opts for siding with authority when the chips are down. The fact that he doesn't give Skylar away and the fact that Skylar agreed to the treatment at his encouragement in spite of being ready to give up, reflects mutual love. It's emotion--just not hysterical emotion.
I love Nick's statement that his proof of certain weird things is that he read it in the National Enquirer. How many times have all of us read something in the Enquirer and said "no way", only to find that it was true?
Most of us, if pushed, would admit here is a possibility, maybe even the likelihood, that we are not the only sentient beings in the universe. The eerie thing about this script is that one can almost believe that something like this really could be. Since I am still not sure if the aliens are the "good" guys or the "bad" guys, there seems to be a lot of potential for a series of episodes with the added bonus of good roles for 30-40 something actors.
Kathy
Indiana
Dillon doesn't seem detached at all. The only couple I've known who spent 4 years undergoing serious fertility treatment ended up with a divorce. One might criticize his character for being a totally 1950ish mainstream, toe the line guy, but he and Skylar both know that is what he is. He wants the house, the car, the picket fence, the wife and child and probably the dog. In spite of the fact that he initially pushes for the experimental treatment and hides what he knows about it from Skylar, he is one who follows the rules and authority figures. So he opts for siding with authority when the chips are down. The fact that he doesn't give Skylar away and the fact that Skylar agreed to the treatment at his encouragement in spite of being ready to give up, reflects mutual love. It's emotion--just not hysterical emotion.
I love Nick's statement that his proof of certain weird things is that he read it in the National Enquirer. How many times have all of us read something in the Enquirer and said "no way", only to find that it was true?
Most of us, if pushed, would admit here is a possibility, maybe even the likelihood, that we are not the only sentient beings in the universe. The eerie thing about this script is that one can almost believe that something like this really could be. Since I am still not sure if the aliens are the "good" guys or the "bad" guys, there seems to be a lot of potential for a series of episodes with the added bonus of good roles for 30-40 something actors.
Kathy
Indiana
3
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Overall I liked it
I enjoyed reading this story and would love to see this movie. Overall I liked it and it's a real solid piece. That said, I have plenty of constructive criticism, too.
I liked the premise a lot. It's not outrageous but is fanstastic enough to be fascinating. I really wanted to know what was going to happen and how it would be resolved. The premise kept me reading all the way through, which is the point, right?
Story structure was good but not great. I really hoped this script would include the alien invasion and see how it was thwarted. I liked most of the scenes that were included but felt like we needed more scenes. I want to see more of how the couple interacts, not just love scenes and him talking on his cell phone. I want to know more about the procedure, what is done, etc. (the medical stuff is a little too much off-screen for my taste. This doesn't have to feel like a medical drama, but I'd like to see the fear on her face, maybe a grimace as the procedure occurs, etc. This would help involve me and build my emotional rapport with the main character. Also, how does he handle it? Or more specifically, I want to FEEL his lack of presence. It will help inform my decisions on his behavior later. The chase scenes are done well but again not great. I didn't understand the crowd movements in the desert fest riot scene. I really didn't understand the crowd emotion. Were they trying to help the police or hinder them or just staying out of the way? I wanted the crowd of free thinkers and hippies to stand up to the police, not just freak out and run away.
And one strong point that bothered me. Every single instance of the "silver energy" weapon use... I had no idea who was using it against whom. The crumpled crispy bodies were not described well enough. I'm still not sure if the woman and child are consumed in the fire or walk away? And what kind of threat is needed to trigger the defense? And other scenes the silver energy weapon is used by hybrids from off screen, I think, but I couldn't follow it. If this is a sci-fi piece, that silver energy weapon is the payoff for most of the viewers. That's what they are there to see. It should be described in much more detail. And this may be just the inherent problem of reading a script and not understanding all the direction, but I think it needs more explanation.
The characters are all interesting but in the end too flat. We get generic indirect information about Skylar's emotional pain around her infertility issues but we don't see much of it, so we don't feel it with her. The husband is flat when he's there, which could be intentional. Dr. Zen is interesting but short-lived. Lisa and the other mothers are very flat. The hybrid girl at the end shows the only real emotion (other than generic crying) in the whole script when she is indignant at being paraded around as an AV device for hybridism.
The dialogue was solid but lost me a few times. You included some great jargon with Nick but really everyone else spoke generically. A lot of the dialogue between Skylar and her husband were questions, making it hard to tell how the question was answered, so I lost the interaction in those cases.
Emotion was fairly flat. I mentioned before that Skylar's infertility anxiety is handled too indirectly. I'd really like to see her be very openly anxious, very fragile, very needy at the beginning. Her world is crumbling, she can't paint... she needs comfort whether she's comfortable asking for it or not. I'd like to see more at the beginning of her fighting her urges to be needy versus independent, and how her husband's indifference contrasts and affects her struggle. This would help us relate to her, bond with her, and then make a stronger foil for her transformation later into strong, protective mother bear.
Another point is that I'd like to see more action and Skylar's involvement escalating as the storyline intensifies. Currently it all happens off screen. There is confrontation then running away, confrontation/run away. The only exception is when he leads them away and hides in a dumpster, and most of that is off screen. Even in the riot at Desert Fest, she basically just runs away. I want her to stand and fight at some point. And I don't even mean fists or guns or silver beams... I want her to trick the agents or trap them or something. Her escapes all seem disingenuous. I'd hate to pay $10 to see a woman get pulled off screen time after time for 2 hours. I want to see her transform from a weepy victim to a strong woman with a purpose who stands up for herself.
I liked the premise a lot. It's not outrageous but is fanstastic enough to be fascinating. I really wanted to know what was going to happen and how it would be resolved. The premise kept me reading all the way through, which is the point, right?
Story structure was good but not great. I really hoped this script would include the alien invasion and see how it was thwarted. I liked most of the scenes that were included but felt like we needed more scenes. I want to see more of how the couple interacts, not just love scenes and him talking on his cell phone. I want to know more about the procedure, what is done, etc. (the medical stuff is a little too much off-screen for my taste. This doesn't have to feel like a medical drama, but I'd like to see the fear on her face, maybe a grimace as the procedure occurs, etc. This would help involve me and build my emotional rapport with the main character. Also, how does he handle it? Or more specifically, I want to FEEL his lack of presence. It will help inform my decisions on his behavior later. The chase scenes are done well but again not great. I didn't understand the crowd movements in the desert fest riot scene. I really didn't understand the crowd emotion. Were they trying to help the police or hinder them or just staying out of the way? I wanted the crowd of free thinkers and hippies to stand up to the police, not just freak out and run away.
And one strong point that bothered me. Every single instance of the "silver energy" weapon use... I had no idea who was using it against whom. The crumpled crispy bodies were not described well enough. I'm still not sure if the woman and child are consumed in the fire or walk away? And what kind of threat is needed to trigger the defense? And other scenes the silver energy weapon is used by hybrids from off screen, I think, but I couldn't follow it. If this is a sci-fi piece, that silver energy weapon is the payoff for most of the viewers. That's what they are there to see. It should be described in much more detail. And this may be just the inherent problem of reading a script and not understanding all the direction, but I think it needs more explanation.
The characters are all interesting but in the end too flat. We get generic indirect information about Skylar's emotional pain around her infertility issues but we don't see much of it, so we don't feel it with her. The husband is flat when he's there, which could be intentional. Dr. Zen is interesting but short-lived. Lisa and the other mothers are very flat. The hybrid girl at the end shows the only real emotion (other than generic crying) in the whole script when she is indignant at being paraded around as an AV device for hybridism.
The dialogue was solid but lost me a few times. You included some great jargon with Nick but really everyone else spoke generically. A lot of the dialogue between Skylar and her husband were questions, making it hard to tell how the question was answered, so I lost the interaction in those cases.
Emotion was fairly flat. I mentioned before that Skylar's infertility anxiety is handled too indirectly. I'd really like to see her be very openly anxious, very fragile, very needy at the beginning. Her world is crumbling, she can't paint... she needs comfort whether she's comfortable asking for it or not. I'd like to see more at the beginning of her fighting her urges to be needy versus independent, and how her husband's indifference contrasts and affects her struggle. This would help us relate to her, bond with her, and then make a stronger foil for her transformation later into strong, protective mother bear.
Another point is that I'd like to see more action and Skylar's involvement escalating as the storyline intensifies. Currently it all happens off screen. There is confrontation then running away, confrontation/run away. The only exception is when he leads them away and hides in a dumpster, and most of that is off screen. Even in the riot at Desert Fest, she basically just runs away. I want her to stand and fight at some point. And I don't even mean fists or guns or silver beams... I want her to trick the agents or trap them or something. Her escapes all seem disingenuous. I'd hate to pay $10 to see a woman get pulled off screen time after time for 2 hours. I want to see her transform from a weepy victim to a strong woman with a purpose who stands up for herself.
1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Very good! Very original idea, great characters and story line
Great story premise, everything flows really well. The only thing I would consider is developing the dialogue a little bit more..some lines don't really seem that believable/realistic. I would also develop Skylar's emotions a bit more towards the end when she is faced with losing the baby-unless you want her to seem like a very strong character, which could also work, but for now she is a little in the middle. I loved the Lilo and Stitch part and how it subtly foreshadowed what would happen and also the story on the radio of the baby who was growing up too fast, everything was foreshadowing. The ending was perfect as well, just make sure we know who each of the children are that we have already met. Great job!
1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Strong idea, well executed
Story flowed well, kept surprises coming. Emotional build for desiring pregnancy was well-developed and action was well-paced. Perhaps a stronger reaction written in at end when Dillon has to leave his wife? Maybe he starts to break down, Skylar reacts as well- Dillon covers to guards that he's just upset because he can't find her?? I felt that I needed a bit more emotion for the end of this main relationship in the story. I agree with other reviewer that I was a little confused at end, in the chaos but it didn't take me out of the story...
4
out of
6
people found the following review helpful:
Great premise; needs work to make it awesome
FIRST, A NOTE TO AMAZON STUDIOS: For the love of all that is holy, please make PDFs available for download!!! If you have a Mac, the RTF doesn't have page numbers or page breaks at all. Do you know how hard it is to judge pacing in a screenplay that has no page numbers? Luckily Barrington is smart and put a link to a PDF of the script on her blog, but seriously, get on this, Amazon Studios tech people.
End rant. On to the review.
You have a great concept. Woman who just wants to have a baby--something pretty normal for many people--can't get pregnant, and when she finally does, she finds out her baby is destined to save the world. (Insert Virgin Mary/Sarah Connor reference here.) I think this script could be developed into something very cool, deeply human and moving inside an entertaining sci-fi shell.
For me, you hit on the thematic core of this story on p. 94, when Skylar says her line to Dillon about "Say you're with me, no matter what happens." It seems like you have the opportunity to say something very powerful about what family means. It's not the white picket fence; it's not about appearances or Little League games or a certain lifestyle; it's people who love each other and will fight to protect each other. The hybrid army represents this on a large scale--they could choose either side, alien or human, but they've chosen to fight on the side of their human family members (seemingly the weaker side) presumably because they care about them. That's powerful. If you think I'm onto something with this, I'd suggest thinking about how you could develop this theme more explicitly throughout the script.
Now on to all the things I think you could improve :-).
The first act is WAY too slow. My instinct is that something like the clinic blowing up should be happening around page 25, but now it's on page 40-something. You could cut a lot out of the beginning and get things moving much faster, which would give you more room in the second act to build up the tension of the government chasing her, meeting the hybrids, finding out the truth about her baby, etc.
You need to work on the tone. It never felt scary and Skylar never felt scared. Her baby's an alien, Homeland Security's trying to round her up, this band of human-alien hybrid fugitives are saying they can protect her but she's not sure whether or not to trust them, and oh yeah, this is all connected to a potentially apocalyptic alien invasion of earth. And yet, except for that one scene of screaming in a car wash, Skylar seems...pretty Zen about the whole thing. We never have a real freak-out, what-the-hell-is-happening-to-my-life? moment from her. Having something alien growing inside you would seem pretty horrifying to most people and the government chasing you ain't exactly a picnic either. I need more horror, confusion, panic, shock, disbelief from Skylar and Dillon, and more scenes of them debating what to do. They both seem to go along with things pretty easily.
Skylar and Dillon seem pretty flat to me. Dillon in particular is kind of a non-entity. What connects them? Why did they fall in love? Are they still in love? What's special about Skylar that convinces Dr. Zen she has what it takes to carry an alpha? And why, specifically, does she want a baby? What does it mean to her? I think this is a particularly important question, because that's the dream of happiness she'll be fighting to preserve throughout the whole script.
There's no tension between Skylar and Dillon in the first act, so Dillon's betrayal seems to come out of nowhere. Nick's obvious attraction to Skylar also comes off as a bit sketchy and weird, since she seems to be happily married. What if she's not? What if there's tension between Skylar and Dillon, partially because they have different visions of the future and what having children means. Maybe for Dillon it's a lifestyle thing, a milestone; it's all about appearances; all their friends are doing it, whereas for Skylar it's more of an emotional connection. Then it makes sense that Dillon would abandon the idea of a baby when it threatens to disrupt their lives, while Skylar would cling to it.
Maybe, when they're all running from Winters, Dillon doesn't get away. He gets arrested, and we actually see the scene where Winters convinces him to track down Skylar and turn her in. We can see Winters promising Dillon everything he tells Skylar--safety, a normal life, etc. It doesn't have to be true, and we don't have to know what Dillon decides--keep the tension alive for later. But then we can see that he genuinely does it out of love for Skylar, which makes him seem like not as much of an ass.
You need to develop Winters into a more threatening antagonist and maybe introduce him earlier. I'm also not entirely clear on what the government wants: kill the hybrids? Contain them? Study them? "Kill them" seems to be the easiest one to go with, but then we have to see clearly that that's what they're doing. This will help you answer another big question I have, which is why Skylar decides to trust the band of hybrid fugitives. You can make it really simple by not giving her any choice at first--it's go with them or be captured by Winters--she makes a snap decision, trusts them, and they protect her. It's only later that she learns to value and even love them. The relationship between Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese in the first Terminator movie is a great model to follow for this--she doesn't really trust him at first but some mofo in a biker jacket is about to blow her head off, so she'll take her chances. In each action sequence, you see them working together a little more until she's finally taking the lead. (Actually Terminator is a fantastic model to follow for anyone writing an Everyman/woman-Becomes-the-Chosen-One story.)
Your scenes of action and peril need to be more compellingly written. You don't have to get all Michael Bay or anything, but right now they don't have a lot of momentum. There are loads of different ways to write action so just get some spy/thriller/chase-y scripts, find one you like and copy the style. Also Nick's death goes by pretty quickly and didn't have much emotional impact for me. And what happens to Dillon at the end? Oh, and how did Skylar find out about the email address that has the clues for the rendezvous points? Did I miss this somehow? I'm also not entirely clear on the rules of what powers the hybrids have and when they can use them.
I really liked the ending scene where you see the little community they've established--again, the idea of family. I think the tone is still a bit too light though. I mean, they don't really know that everything's going to be okay yet, right? They still have to fight off an alien invasion. I'd say they've got a long way to go before things are okay.
As the script exists right now, I don't know that it works as a stand-alone feature. As a two-hour pilot it could be pretty cool. I'm interested to know how you would envision the rest of the series.
End rant. On to the review.
You have a great concept. Woman who just wants to have a baby--something pretty normal for many people--can't get pregnant, and when she finally does, she finds out her baby is destined to save the world. (Insert Virgin Mary/Sarah Connor reference here.) I think this script could be developed into something very cool, deeply human and moving inside an entertaining sci-fi shell.
For me, you hit on the thematic core of this story on p. 94, when Skylar says her line to Dillon about "Say you're with me, no matter what happens." It seems like you have the opportunity to say something very powerful about what family means. It's not the white picket fence; it's not about appearances or Little League games or a certain lifestyle; it's people who love each other and will fight to protect each other. The hybrid army represents this on a large scale--they could choose either side, alien or human, but they've chosen to fight on the side of their human family members (seemingly the weaker side) presumably because they care about them. That's powerful. If you think I'm onto something with this, I'd suggest thinking about how you could develop this theme more explicitly throughout the script.
Now on to all the things I think you could improve :-).
The first act is WAY too slow. My instinct is that something like the clinic blowing up should be happening around page 25, but now it's on page 40-something. You could cut a lot out of the beginning and get things moving much faster, which would give you more room in the second act to build up the tension of the government chasing her, meeting the hybrids, finding out the truth about her baby, etc.
You need to work on the tone. It never felt scary and Skylar never felt scared. Her baby's an alien, Homeland Security's trying to round her up, this band of human-alien hybrid fugitives are saying they can protect her but she's not sure whether or not to trust them, and oh yeah, this is all connected to a potentially apocalyptic alien invasion of earth. And yet, except for that one scene of screaming in a car wash, Skylar seems...pretty Zen about the whole thing. We never have a real freak-out, what-the-hell-is-happening-to-my-life? moment from her. Having something alien growing inside you would seem pretty horrifying to most people and the government chasing you ain't exactly a picnic either. I need more horror, confusion, panic, shock, disbelief from Skylar and Dillon, and more scenes of them debating what to do. They both seem to go along with things pretty easily.
Skylar and Dillon seem pretty flat to me. Dillon in particular is kind of a non-entity. What connects them? Why did they fall in love? Are they still in love? What's special about Skylar that convinces Dr. Zen she has what it takes to carry an alpha? And why, specifically, does she want a baby? What does it mean to her? I think this is a particularly important question, because that's the dream of happiness she'll be fighting to preserve throughout the whole script.
There's no tension between Skylar and Dillon in the first act, so Dillon's betrayal seems to come out of nowhere. Nick's obvious attraction to Skylar also comes off as a bit sketchy and weird, since she seems to be happily married. What if she's not? What if there's tension between Skylar and Dillon, partially because they have different visions of the future and what having children means. Maybe for Dillon it's a lifestyle thing, a milestone; it's all about appearances; all their friends are doing it, whereas for Skylar it's more of an emotional connection. Then it makes sense that Dillon would abandon the idea of a baby when it threatens to disrupt their lives, while Skylar would cling to it.
Maybe, when they're all running from Winters, Dillon doesn't get away. He gets arrested, and we actually see the scene where Winters convinces him to track down Skylar and turn her in. We can see Winters promising Dillon everything he tells Skylar--safety, a normal life, etc. It doesn't have to be true, and we don't have to know what Dillon decides--keep the tension alive for later. But then we can see that he genuinely does it out of love for Skylar, which makes him seem like not as much of an ass.
You need to develop Winters into a more threatening antagonist and maybe introduce him earlier. I'm also not entirely clear on what the government wants: kill the hybrids? Contain them? Study them? "Kill them" seems to be the easiest one to go with, but then we have to see clearly that that's what they're doing. This will help you answer another big question I have, which is why Skylar decides to trust the band of hybrid fugitives. You can make it really simple by not giving her any choice at first--it's go with them or be captured by Winters--she makes a snap decision, trusts them, and they protect her. It's only later that she learns to value and even love them. The relationship between Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese in the first Terminator movie is a great model to follow for this--she doesn't really trust him at first but some mofo in a biker jacket is about to blow her head off, so she'll take her chances. In each action sequence, you see them working together a little more until she's finally taking the lead. (Actually Terminator is a fantastic model to follow for anyone writing an Everyman/woman-Becomes-the-Chosen-One story.)
Your scenes of action and peril need to be more compellingly written. You don't have to get all Michael Bay or anything, but right now they don't have a lot of momentum. There are loads of different ways to write action so just get some spy/thriller/chase-y scripts, find one you like and copy the style. Also Nick's death goes by pretty quickly and didn't have much emotional impact for me. And what happens to Dillon at the end? Oh, and how did Skylar find out about the email address that has the clues for the rendezvous points? Did I miss this somehow? I'm also not entirely clear on the rules of what powers the hybrids have and when they can use them.
I really liked the ending scene where you see the little community they've established--again, the idea of family. I think the tone is still a bit too light though. I mean, they don't really know that everything's going to be okay yet, right? They still have to fight off an alien invasion. I'd say they've got a long way to go before things are okay.
As the script exists right now, I don't know that it works as a stand-alone feature. As a two-hour pilot it could be pretty cool. I'm interested to know how you would envision the rest of the series.
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Bueno! (And I don't normally say that about Sci-fi!)
Great script! Truly (<---and I don't lie just to make people feel good)
I enjoy reading scripts because, for me, it is a very visual process requiring the imagination to take part in the creation of locations, environments, and tone. Generally, Sci-fi doesn't sit very well with me because I dislike imagining futuristic looking spaceships. However, I love the locations and environments of this sci-fi script: art studios, the woods, salt flats, neighborhood homes, diners, gas stations, etc. My favorite form of fantasy comes in a familiar looking package, because it makes me feel that something this extraordinary could actually happen to any of us in THIS lifetime. I love the potential tone of this as a series.
But more important than the headers for each scene, are the contents, which I sincerely enjoyed in this case. The story was clear, immediately identifiable, and the pace that started in a slow and gentle way, telling of the sensitive matter of a couple trying desperately conceive, melded perfectly into the intense pace of a thriller/escape piece.
The only reason I gave it four stars is because I think it could just be polished up and refined, to become even stronger.
The main character, Skylar, is a good character to watch make difficult decisions, and root for in the end. She starts off as a bit of a weak and frustrated woman, she nearly breaks down in the middle of the story, and finally she realizes she has to make a big decision, make it fast, and risk everything to follow through. While I really liked her character I think it could be improved upon by making her even more indecisive and ready to give up at the beginning. This would not only make her arc stronger I think, but it would allow her husband, Dillon to be an even stronger proponent of the baby than he already is, which would make the ending more ironic I believe.
I also think Skylar might benefit from having stronger doubts before everyone realizes that aliens are amongst the humans and also before she and Dillon have there first argument about the baby. If she were to contemplate throwing away her daily shots before anything is suggested, that would make her turn around and stance in the end stronger...perhaps?
My favorite character is Nick. I wouldn't change anything about him. He represents one of the first humans to be excepting of the aliens, which will in turn possibly save humanity, but he does it with a genuine excitement and sincerity. His love for Skylar also adds a nice bit of tension and there is something sweet about it. But...SPOILER ALERT: I do not like the fact that he dies (assuming that's what going limp meant)! Not only because he's my favorite character, but also, if this is meant to be the beginning of a TV series, I think Nick could end up being a valuable part of an ensemble cast. He is not connected to the hybrids like any of the mothers, but if he fights for their rights, he could be a human mover-and-shaker. The kind of character that doesn't look like the perfect warrior, but when he is put to the test he shines like a knight in armor. Also are there any male humans on the side of the hybrids? Plus he has the capacity to lighten the mood and keep little bits of humor in the everyday story line, which I think is very much needed in dramatic/heavy story lines.
I think some of the dialogue between Dillon and Skylar could be tweaked a little to make Dillon look a little more favorable. He seemed a little pushy and selfish throughout the script, which wasn't a big deal until the end. At the end it made me think back to the beginning and wonder if I was supposed to view him as selfish all along. Now I'm okay if he becomes a bad guy in the end, or if he becomes someone who may or may not end up on the good or bad side. But, if Dillon seems a little less selfish in the beginning of the pilot script, and if he has more inner turmoil in the middle, then it will make the reader/viewer feel more sympathetic towards him in the end. As though Dillon is truly struggling with trying to do the right thing, not just doing everything for himself. Being convinced that all humans are in danger is a stronger reason than just thinking you alone are in danger. Dillon can still be the stronger proponent of the baby in the beginning, but more as if he knows Skylar is the one who really wants this. Does that make sense?
In the end, I really truly enjoyed reading this script, I would love to see this come to life!
Only bummer: Long pilots just make me greedy for really long episodes every week!
I enjoy reading scripts because, for me, it is a very visual process requiring the imagination to take part in the creation of locations, environments, and tone. Generally, Sci-fi doesn't sit very well with me because I dislike imagining futuristic looking spaceships. However, I love the locations and environments of this sci-fi script: art studios, the woods, salt flats, neighborhood homes, diners, gas stations, etc. My favorite form of fantasy comes in a familiar looking package, because it makes me feel that something this extraordinary could actually happen to any of us in THIS lifetime. I love the potential tone of this as a series.
But more important than the headers for each scene, are the contents, which I sincerely enjoyed in this case. The story was clear, immediately identifiable, and the pace that started in a slow and gentle way, telling of the sensitive matter of a couple trying desperately conceive, melded perfectly into the intense pace of a thriller/escape piece.
The only reason I gave it four stars is because I think it could just be polished up and refined, to become even stronger.
The main character, Skylar, is a good character to watch make difficult decisions, and root for in the end. She starts off as a bit of a weak and frustrated woman, she nearly breaks down in the middle of the story, and finally she realizes she has to make a big decision, make it fast, and risk everything to follow through. While I really liked her character I think it could be improved upon by making her even more indecisive and ready to give up at the beginning. This would not only make her arc stronger I think, but it would allow her husband, Dillon to be an even stronger proponent of the baby than he already is, which would make the ending more ironic I believe.
I also think Skylar might benefit from having stronger doubts before everyone realizes that aliens are amongst the humans and also before she and Dillon have there first argument about the baby. If she were to contemplate throwing away her daily shots before anything is suggested, that would make her turn around and stance in the end stronger...perhaps?
My favorite character is Nick. I wouldn't change anything about him. He represents one of the first humans to be excepting of the aliens, which will in turn possibly save humanity, but he does it with a genuine excitement and sincerity. His love for Skylar also adds a nice bit of tension and there is something sweet about it. But...SPOILER ALERT: I do not like the fact that he dies (assuming that's what going limp meant)! Not only because he's my favorite character, but also, if this is meant to be the beginning of a TV series, I think Nick could end up being a valuable part of an ensemble cast. He is not connected to the hybrids like any of the mothers, but if he fights for their rights, he could be a human mover-and-shaker. The kind of character that doesn't look like the perfect warrior, but when he is put to the test he shines like a knight in armor. Also are there any male humans on the side of the hybrids? Plus he has the capacity to lighten the mood and keep little bits of humor in the everyday story line, which I think is very much needed in dramatic/heavy story lines.
I think some of the dialogue between Dillon and Skylar could be tweaked a little to make Dillon look a little more favorable. He seemed a little pushy and selfish throughout the script, which wasn't a big deal until the end. At the end it made me think back to the beginning and wonder if I was supposed to view him as selfish all along. Now I'm okay if he becomes a bad guy in the end, or if he becomes someone who may or may not end up on the good or bad side. But, if Dillon seems a little less selfish in the beginning of the pilot script, and if he has more inner turmoil in the middle, then it will make the reader/viewer feel more sympathetic towards him in the end. As though Dillon is truly struggling with trying to do the right thing, not just doing everything for himself. Being convinced that all humans are in danger is a stronger reason than just thinking you alone are in danger. Dillon can still be the stronger proponent of the baby in the beginning, but more as if he knows Skylar is the one who really wants this. Does that make sense?
In the end, I really truly enjoyed reading this script, I would love to see this come to life!
Only bummer: Long pilots just make me greedy for really long episodes every week!
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Impressive, Elevated Science Fiction!
First, I have to say, Science Fiction is not usually my genre. I often find it remote and unconnected to what involves me most in stories: character and theme. But I have to say this script really grabbed me.
As a protagonist, Skylar is immediately identifiable and intriguing. Her infertility is handled with care and yet Skylar is more than simply her problems. She feels particularly three dimensional for an early draft characterization.
Dillon is a little less clear, a bit less defined, but instead of that troubling me, it made me feel for Skylar even more, as if a bit of the distance I felt from him was her perception of him. It added to her loneliness, and her longing.
I felt every scene in the fertility clinic rang true, and once strange things started adding up, I was hooked. I also must compliment the use of dream imagery. It is easy to go overboard with such moments, but I felt these were simple and fit very well into the theme of the story.
Having had children myself, I can honestly say that when your hormones are raging you do come up with all sorts of strange feelings about the stranger you are carrying.
Once Skylar becomes a fugitive, the pace really picks up and the pages fly. I guess the best compliment I can give is that when I finished the last page I wanted more. I suppose that is exactly what you would want with a backdoor pilot.
In summary, I found the story gripping, the characters real and relatable, and the themes and issues a refreshing change from the usual stories I have read in this genre.
As a protagonist, Skylar is immediately identifiable and intriguing. Her infertility is handled with care and yet Skylar is more than simply her problems. She feels particularly three dimensional for an early draft characterization.
Dillon is a little less clear, a bit less defined, but instead of that troubling me, it made me feel for Skylar even more, as if a bit of the distance I felt from him was her perception of him. It added to her loneliness, and her longing.
I felt every scene in the fertility clinic rang true, and once strange things started adding up, I was hooked. I also must compliment the use of dream imagery. It is easy to go overboard with such moments, but I felt these were simple and fit very well into the theme of the story.
Having had children myself, I can honestly say that when your hormones are raging you do come up with all sorts of strange feelings about the stranger you are carrying.
Once Skylar becomes a fugitive, the pace really picks up and the pages fly. I guess the best compliment I can give is that when I finished the last page I wanted more. I suppose that is exactly what you would want with a backdoor pilot.
In summary, I found the story gripping, the characters real and relatable, and the themes and issues a refreshing change from the usual stories I have read in this genre.
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A gift for all movie fans
I am not a fan of science fiction or fantasy films. On the scarce occasions that I do watch them, I am often thrown off by the unusual world they establish at the very beginning, reminding me of how different from me those characters on the screen are.
“Children of Others” offered me a chance to look into the genre of science fiction, and see that a good sci-fi film can draw me into a futuristic world with a character I can truly connect to. Skylar is a normal citizen just like all of us. She is a struggling print artist, and she has a husband who loves her. They are not rich, nor do they have any special powers. They expect their first child, and have been doing so for years. They have become desperate, and are willing to try anything to have a baby.
The screenplay painstakingly spends pages at the beginning portraying a family we can sympathize with, and it succeeds. We care for this couple, feel their pain, and hope that they will succeed and get their life on the right track. That’s why when something seems wrong after they participates the unconventional experiment led by Dr. Zen, a mysterious Asian scientist, it is as terrifying to the reader as it is to the protagonist.
The first half of the script works much like a horror: we know something terrible is going to happen to the baby, yet we don’t know when. Skylar is conflicted; she has a hunch that what’s inside of her maybe a ticking time bomb, but she is inevitably in love with this new life. Watching Skylar going down the dark road is like watching an addict spiraling out of control - we understand why she can’t turn around, but fear the worst that would happen to her.
The worst will come in due time: Skylar is just one of the many victims of a government experiment that went wrong. A population of “hybrids” that combine the genes of human and aliens that has taken an identity of its own and demands its power. Skylar is forced into a new nation against her own will. But will her love for her child - no matter what it will turn out to be - transcend her old sense of humanity?
“Children of Others” is a science fiction, but it’s also a tale of morality, betrayal, and ultimately, love. I’m glad I read it, and I believe once it is transformed into a cinematic vision, it will be a gift to not only sci-fi fans, but also fans of all genres.
“Children of Others” offered me a chance to look into the genre of science fiction, and see that a good sci-fi film can draw me into a futuristic world with a character I can truly connect to. Skylar is a normal citizen just like all of us. She is a struggling print artist, and she has a husband who loves her. They are not rich, nor do they have any special powers. They expect their first child, and have been doing so for years. They have become desperate, and are willing to try anything to have a baby.
The screenplay painstakingly spends pages at the beginning portraying a family we can sympathize with, and it succeeds. We care for this couple, feel their pain, and hope that they will succeed and get their life on the right track. That’s why when something seems wrong after they participates the unconventional experiment led by Dr. Zen, a mysterious Asian scientist, it is as terrifying to the reader as it is to the protagonist.
The first half of the script works much like a horror: we know something terrible is going to happen to the baby, yet we don’t know when. Skylar is conflicted; she has a hunch that what’s inside of her maybe a ticking time bomb, but she is inevitably in love with this new life. Watching Skylar going down the dark road is like watching an addict spiraling out of control - we understand why she can’t turn around, but fear the worst that would happen to her.
The worst will come in due time: Skylar is just one of the many victims of a government experiment that went wrong. A population of “hybrids” that combine the genes of human and aliens that has taken an identity of its own and demands its power. Skylar is forced into a new nation against her own will. But will her love for her child - no matter what it will turn out to be - transcend her old sense of humanity?
“Children of Others” is a science fiction, but it’s also a tale of morality, betrayal, and ultimately, love. I’m glad I read it, and I believe once it is transformed into a cinematic vision, it will be a gift to not only sci-fi fans, but also fans of all genres.
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Rosemary's Baby + Children of Men = WIN
Barrington's "Children of Others" achieves something uncommon in the sci-fi genre - it gradually, inconspicuously elevates the audience's suspension of disbelief. Since it starts out rooted firmly in the everyday world, it takes no effort for the reader to understand Skylar's circumstances. From there, hints of otherworldliness weave into the story with unexpected ease. The result is a script that makes one think on a variety of levels - not only about the plight of the characters, but also about the writer's skill in smoothly ramping up the sci-fi element. Glad to have found the script on this site; hope to see it on the big screen soon!
Let me be clear: the bones of this story, the premise and characters, are both strong and unique. From this draft I can easily envision a tightened, heightened sci-fi classic in the rarified company of Gattaca and Children of Men. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.