Hey, Really liked your premise - one of my favorite sub-genres in horror/thrillers where civilized people must access their inner beasts in order to survive (Hills Have Eyes, etc). You should read Jack Ketchum's OFF SEASON and JOYRIDE - great examples of this sub-genre.
My main critique would be to eliminate most of the parentheticals. You use a ton of them, and from what I've studied actors and directors hate them. Go through your script and review these and ask yourself if they're truly necessary. Ones that I think are necessary are the ones when you have multiple characters (like scenes in the van) and you need to show who's speaking to who.
Really liked your premise - one of my favorite sub-genres in horror/thrillers where civilized people must access their inner beasts in order to survive (Hills Have Eyes, etc). You should read Jack Ketchum's OFF SEASON and JOYRIDE - great examples of this sub-genre.
My main critique would be to eliminate most of the parentheticals. You use a ton of them, and from what I've studied actors and directors hate them. Go through your script and review these and ask yourself if they're truly necessary. Ones that I think are necessary are the ones when you have multiple characters (like scenes in the van) and you need to show who's speaking to who.
Best,
Tim