All Reviews

I think the world needs a feel good story right now. With so many people out of work or underemployed and big business focused on profits instead of people this script's timing could not be better. The fantasy is a nice exercise in giving opportunities to dreamers, empowering the creative drive that made America a great country. I like the hero and the fact the villain is a crooked banker sets the scene that is all to real today as the working people get the shaft all to often. The script flowed surprisingly fast and did not get bogged down with unnecessary back story. In the end I really enjoyed it although it seemed to need just a little fleshing out of the story, it was like a great soup that was under-seasoned, it needs a little punch to bring out the flavor. Overall this could be a winner and I would like to see a little polishing on this timely script.

I liked your script very much. Here is a list of takeaways for Gift Card.
This has a likable premise and depth in characters. Very Good!

1. Love the premise, very likable concept to get the viewers attention.
2. "Elderly" Women typo need to correct. (kindly)
3. I'd shorten the dialoging per person, shorter is more the normal cadence.
Can be broken up with second character reaction.
4. Suggest inputing more symbolism, metapors, physical obstacles in place of dialog.
5. Personality arch of character for Owen needs further development. Nice guy throughout, homeboy needs character flaw(s) or obstacles out of control.
6. Minor characters are fun (Gordan and Peterson), make sure they serve to move the storyline forward. Offering that extra info needed for Owen to proceed with his journey.
7. Like to have seen Owen present more emotion (non-verbal), all or nothing type ending.

-NYacos

Gift Card is an interesting premise. It touches on a few different elements that make it a pleasurable read, but it the end it falls a little bit flat.

I like the idea of an anonymous gift card changing the life of a struggling couple, but there are several holes in the script.

The Lester character is just not believable. He's a bank manager who quickly turns into a thief and kidnapper?

Some of the dialogue is flat and simplistic. At times the Owen - Shelley relationship seems forced.

The ending falls flat on two different levels. The creation of the website is a nice idea, but the introduction of a virus as a marketing tool is just too far out. Even though they weren't responsible for the glitch, the FBI would simply shut them down for good. No way do they stay in business. It's too big a stretch. Am I to believe that Owen wouldn't realize who was behind the Coolzee banner?

Lastly, who is Karl and what is the card? You left that too wide open and It left me wanting in the end. There needs to be some resolution.

Congrats on getting onto the notable projects list and good luck with the script going forward.

I hope the author will ponder his explicit and implicit messages about the innate potential for success in all the characters. Obviously, the Gift Card bestows unearned success, with all the attendant consequences. The events lead up to a conclusion in which the protagonist and various other persons, struggling to hang on financially, finally achieve their dreams -- partially through the merits of their good ideas, but largely due to the continued influence of the mysterious benefactors.

Of course this screenplay is fantasy, and this reader willingly suspended disbelief about all the various impossibilities right up to the conclusion. Nevertheless, I later had a nagging sense that the company workers and Owen were in some sense cheated by the CoolVee computer virus that makes them winners. They were starting to cooperate and to collaborate and to "make it" on their own, but it's clear that they could not have done so without the computer virus. That, I think, raises questions about the premise that the author needs to consider.

I don't suggest forcing a "moral" into the story, but I think that one or more are there already, implicitly. For example, the protagonist releases the villain rather than letting Karl kill him, and this good deed is rewarded -- but again, by the last-minute, unexpected CoolVee virus, with the problems mentioned above.

Even as it is now, I think Gift Card can succeed in theaters. It's a lot of fun. Adding a child or two might expand the audience without compromising the story -- something else to consider.

I think this has great potential. Here are my notes:
1. There should be more change in Owen. He starts nice and ends nice. What character flaws are corrected by his adventure with the card? Think Liar, Liar or Bruce Almighty.
2. I did sense change in Lester when there should not be any. Bad guys are bad because they never realize that they need to change. Make him a bigger bad guy that leaves with a threat, rather than a thank you and you make Owen look better for letting him go.
3. I am not clear about the coolzee virus that saved the day. If Owen isn't responsible for it then he isn't really the hero of the story.
4. Karl was a little harsh to be serving at the pleasure of a mysterious card designed to make people's lives better.
5. I don't think the Neal dialogue moves the story forward. It almost seems like a character flaw in Shelly, which isn't necessary. Her purpose is just to support change in Owen.

Again, you have a great idea; just push it a little further. I can't wait to see this on the big screen!

Wonderful, even, funny comic tone throughout.
Very professional handling of the comedy--pulling back when it verged on cruelty, yet letting it loose to great effect at times (the COCKY HOTSHOT boss tossing the resume into the trash)!
Very well done vignettes, particularly at the beginning. The bit with the elderly woman was put together very nicely with the funny twist at the end with the Construction worker.
The patter between the couple had some good unexpected bits in it too.
For me, the comedy of character that you're working in earns my laughter. Much more enjoyable than the breaking-of-the-social-norms or gross out comedy that has been in vogue recently.
Five stars for that.
All in all, I see the makings of a good movie here that will provide solid entertainment. Not there yet but you seem to have all the tools to make it happen.
That said, although I read it through, and it held my attention, there is a little tension missing. The story perhaps needs to be stirred up in some unpredictable ways. I also thought that the ending needs work. Not sure exactly what that would be but even though it had a twist to it, and everybody ends up okay--which is how comedies should end--it still seemed a little predictable.
One of the ways your script succeeds is that though you've put a lot of hard work into it, it is an easy read--you're not aware of the work but swept along by the easy-going comic invention. Another five stars for that.
Good luck with it!

It was a pleasure to read this script. I truly felt the need to continue reading to see how it would it would end. Thank you for posting it.

Bear in mind that I am not a writer, producer, critic or anything other than an enthusiast for this genre and the Amazon Studios platform. Having said that...

The premise is excellent and such a common dream/wish of most people that it has to ring close to most hearts. The main characters are very well fleshed out but so are the smaller parts, particularly the folks interviewing Owen at the beginning, the bus driver and absolutely the 5 co-workers for the dream company.

The only 2 things I might suggest are:

1) A bit more edge in some of the scenes where Lester is being fired (instead of the boss simply saying, "Yeah, you.' something else like, 'Yes and I'm having him escorted out of my office as we speak.' just as the bank security guard enters the room - a security guard who also now has a beef with Lester).

2) A little more fear from the wife as the motivation for getting rid of the card. Something along the lines of her fear that there is a Rumpelstiltskin-like payback awaiting them that Owen was told about but has forgotten. He should remain certain that he is the lucky benefactor but she should have sincere doubts, even during spa treatments. This would particulary feed into the separation near the end when she believes her worst fears have been realized by Lester's attack.

Again, these are just my thoughts - you have got a terrific script going here.