I was intrigued by the concept of a missing Dillinger and the different persons it effected - however I must admit that - for me at least - it didn't quite pay off.
The story was too 'one-note' with not enough intrigue. ebb and flow to really work as is.
Most of the characters spoke with the same voice - plus there were simply too many to really be able to connect with in any meaningful way - they simply lacked credibility.
I thought that the combine element really missed an opportunity, unfortunately I don't have any suggestions on how to improve that or in fact most of the story - which in of itself speaks volumes on just how non-involved and disinterested I now feel in terms of the story and the characters whom inhabit it.
Which - as I stated above - I really liked the concept and ‘wanted’ to be taken on a journey that simply never materialized, sorry.
In terms of constructive ideas: lessen the amount of characters (combine 2 or 3?); tighten the story to increase clarity; focus on Rachel's POV throughout not just at the end.
Finally, this is just one person’s opinion; please don't take anything written above as in any way personal - I'm just giving you my unbiased and frank view.
The story was too 'one-note' with not enough intrigue. ebb and flow to really work as is.
Most of the characters spoke with the same voice - plus there were simply too many to really be able to connect with in any meaningful way - they simply lacked credibility.
I thought that the combine element really missed an opportunity, unfortunately I don't have any suggestions on how to improve that or in fact most of the story - which in of itself speaks volumes on just how non-involved and disinterested I now feel in terms of the story and the characters whom inhabit it.
Which - as I stated above - I really liked the concept and ‘wanted’ to be taken on a journey that simply never materialized, sorry.
In terms of constructive ideas: lessen the amount of characters (combine 2 or 3?); tighten the story to increase clarity; focus on Rachel's POV throughout not just at the end.
Finally, this is just one person’s opinion; please don't take anything written above as in any way personal - I'm just giving you my unbiased and frank view.
I wish you all the best with your coming drafts
- respectfully, Jim