1
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people found the following review helpful:
Getting better
1
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people found the following review helpful:
Intriguing premise that needs some polishing
First of all, five stars for a great premise.
Good opening. I finished reading the script in one sitting. It is a clean and easy read. Some minor typos but I don't care if the story keeps me hooked. And it did.
Hammett's character needs some work. Would have been more interesting if there was a love interest or someone he deeply cared for in the colony. I also agree that a subplot here would immensely help.
The temple, the statue and the being that killed the greedy - well, though everything was clear, a bit more elaboration on them would have been nice. The current setup is fine but something is lacking.
All in all, I would definitely like to see this on the development slate and as a movie in the future. Once again, great premise. Just need some work to take it to the next level.
Cheers :)
-- Sumit
Good opening. I finished reading the script in one sitting. It is a clean and easy read. Some minor typos but I don't care if the story keeps me hooked. And it did.
Hammett's character needs some work. Would have been more interesting if there was a love interest or someone he deeply cared for in the colony. I also agree that a subplot here would immensely help.
The temple, the statue and the being that killed the greedy - well, though everything was clear, a bit more elaboration on them would have been nice. The current setup is fine but something is lacking.
All in all, I would definitely like to see this on the development slate and as a movie in the future. Once again, great premise. Just need some work to take it to the next level.
Cheers :)
-- Sumit
2
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
Well done.
I can see why this is up for consideration for Amazon's Development Slate, it's really good.
There are several elements that make me think of your story as "Sleepy Hollow meets Pirates of the Caribbean." Which is a good and bad thing I guess. It's great, because those are great/successful movies. It's bad because you don't want your work compared to much to someone else's.
Similarities aside, it is by no means a copy of either of those stories and is a really well done script.
I do wish there were page numbers and there are some typos, but overall very clean.
Act 1 and 2 were the strongest to me, but there was some good reveal at the end. I think some subplots would help add beef to Act 3.
Things to consider:
Maybe a little backstory on Hammett?
Backstory on the temple or more on the connection with Roanoke.
Using the approaching winter analogy throughout the story for some more foreboding.
A love interest.
Really good job.
There are several elements that make me think of your story as "Sleepy Hollow meets Pirates of the Caribbean." Which is a good and bad thing I guess. It's great, because those are great/successful movies. It's bad because you don't want your work compared to much to someone else's.
Similarities aside, it is by no means a copy of either of those stories and is a really well done script.
I do wish there were page numbers and there are some typos, but overall very clean.
Act 1 and 2 were the strongest to me, but there was some good reveal at the end. I think some subplots would help add beef to Act 3.
Things to consider:
Maybe a little backstory on Hammett?
Backstory on the temple or more on the connection with Roanoke.
Using the approaching winter analogy throughout the story for some more foreboding.
A love interest.
Really good job.
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More polish!
And a few very minor changes, Am going to introduce that wonderful English device for questioning people, the thumbscrew, felt it needed to make an appearance during the scene of the first murder. and maybe a few red hot pokers for good measure!!!