2
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Funny stuff
This is a great workplace comedy. The main characters are funny and it's an interesting, new idea.
1
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
A hilarious, low budget workplace comedy
1
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
Could be a sleeper hit
Pretty witty office story... it could be the next office space , but perhaps not quite as dry. Hopefully, we'll see some version of No More Mr. Nice guy hitting the big screen in the nearish future.
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Office comedy, funnier-than-most - needs clearer premise but fires on nearly all cylinders.
*Overall impression
Immensely enjoyable - I loved spending time with these characters. And, hugely funny.
It's reminiscent of some truly great modern comedy shows and films in places (Arrested Development, Scrubs and Horrible Bosses spring to mind) but does its own thing too.
There are some patchier bits - I've given some comments below re: the premise, which I think could use a serious rethink - and also one or two plot points that felt forced and some jokes that just weren't up to the overall high standard - but for the most part it's a real winner. I sincerely hope we'll see *more* of no more mr nice guy soon! Wordplay humour :)
*Premise / Structure / Character
I think Charlie and Drew say it best on page 100 - Jordan's not the guy who beats up the bully - nor is he the bully - and nor, for that matter, is he really the bullied.
At least, not typically. I do get that you want to address the employee experience at a certain company level, and for that I salute you - it would be all too easy to have done the whole thing from a typical entry-level worker's point of view, and ended up with something less original.
But I think the problem with the overarching premise as things stand is that, Jordan's problem is not really that he's bullied, but that he's used by other people, not appreciated, not even noticed. Partly it's because he's effectively a middle-manager, but mainly it's at the core of his being nice.
Hence, as he progresses and gets too big for his boots, (genre) logic would dictate that, rather than becoming an outright bully, his overconfidence should mean that he stops noticing other people; stops appreciating his friends. Maybe even 'forgets' Samantha's name like she forgot his.
Having said that, I do think the bully thing works once you get into it - but you do need to clear up what really spurs Jordan's character on. The way he is feeling when he first drives past and sees the playground - wouldn't his dawning realisation in fact be that 'bullies get what they want in life'? I think if that's what you're going for he should set out straight away to be the bully - to not take any crap. But, because he's a nice guy, maybe he pledges to bully other bullies - and protect the bullied. Like Robin Hood, but a bit meaner (Charlie and Drew would undoubtedly discuss the impossibility of having one's cake and eating it). Then as things progress he would lose the part of him that knows which lines not to cross; his innocence.
For that matter, what is Simon's true role? I really like him as a character, but is he not treading on the toes of Drew, and perhaps Jordan too? Could he instead be merged into Drew - the happy-go-lucky type who doesn't have to worry about being fired, because his uncle's got his back? We already know he caves easily - wouldn't he help advance Jordan's career (if still necessary) in return for a few big buckets of chicken drumsticks?
Perhaps Jordan could be blazing a trail, and set up Drew (in Simon's role) as the uber-bully, ready to be the final domino that launches Jordan into a cushy promotion. But, a jealous Harvey hopes to steal his thunder and stops Drew first - not realising (or perhaps forgetting) the cardinal sin of sacking a Hammill. Jordan's prepared admonishments for Drew are re-directed at Harvey, and Jordan gets promoted (while dodging a Drew-sacking bullet). A demoted Harvey could then cause a ruckus from the ground up.
I guess there are lots of variables at play, and I wouldn't claim to have all the answers - but the way it feels currently is that you have a taken a simple premise (the bullied becomes the bully) and over-complicated it, in order to avoid being too conventional - but at the same time losing some clarity.
*Stakes
It makes sense that the people Jordan cares about form his real motivations and by extension, the stakes. I have to say though, I wasn't entirely convinced by the fat cats thing. It's funny, but I don't know if it makes a strong enough centrepiece for the end. That said, I realise that it's more about helping Samantha and beating Harvey. I guess I just felt it was a bit too faux-kooky. It's a funny idea and it'd make some good visual gags; maybe you just need to tie it a bit more to Samantha - we know that she cares about the cats, but not really why. The closest tangible link is when she makes the model fat cat - maybe that could be one of the first things she used to practice making or something, before her pet cat died?
*Dialogue
Really superb dialogue throughout. You guys have a knack for timing.
If I had to pick out one or two conversations/gags that seemed to let the side down:
The whole Dark Knight bit is funny, but at a page and a half it feels contrived - compared to the Adaptation bit that at least had a grounding in Charlie's job.
The Harvey/Sir thing feels a bit overcooked by the later stages.
Also, the pogo stick requesting seemed to jar a bit.
But otherwise, I think pretty much every page kept me laughing. I'll be honest, I'll be happy when I can write comedy that works this well!
*Cinematic Value / Special Qualities
The stuff that Jordan does as COOS could be a lot more visual - more imaginative and ambitious too. Think bigger. Instead of putting tacks down and making a lame joke, why not rent out Marge's home parking space to a busload of nuns - teach her a lesson that way. And maybe do some complicated cross-teaching tie people's punishments together. I feel you could have a lot more fun with this aspect of the plot.
Otherwise, definite cinematic potential. Maybe just review the lead-up to the end to ensure it's as snappy as the rest of the script - but I think this will arise from tightening the premise overall.
I can't wait to see future adaptations (of this)!
Immensely enjoyable - I loved spending time with these characters. And, hugely funny.
It's reminiscent of some truly great modern comedy shows and films in places (Arrested Development, Scrubs and Horrible Bosses spring to mind) but does its own thing too.
There are some patchier bits - I've given some comments below re: the premise, which I think could use a serious rethink - and also one or two plot points that felt forced and some jokes that just weren't up to the overall high standard - but for the most part it's a real winner. I sincerely hope we'll see *more* of no more mr nice guy soon! Wordplay humour :)
*Premise / Structure / Character
I think Charlie and Drew say it best on page 100 - Jordan's not the guy who beats up the bully - nor is he the bully - and nor, for that matter, is he really the bullied.
At least, not typically. I do get that you want to address the employee experience at a certain company level, and for that I salute you - it would be all too easy to have done the whole thing from a typical entry-level worker's point of view, and ended up with something less original.
But I think the problem with the overarching premise as things stand is that, Jordan's problem is not really that he's bullied, but that he's used by other people, not appreciated, not even noticed. Partly it's because he's effectively a middle-manager, but mainly it's at the core of his being nice.
Hence, as he progresses and gets too big for his boots, (genre) logic would dictate that, rather than becoming an outright bully, his overconfidence should mean that he stops noticing other people; stops appreciating his friends. Maybe even 'forgets' Samantha's name like she forgot his.
Having said that, I do think the bully thing works once you get into it - but you do need to clear up what really spurs Jordan's character on. The way he is feeling when he first drives past and sees the playground - wouldn't his dawning realisation in fact be that 'bullies get what they want in life'? I think if that's what you're going for he should set out straight away to be the bully - to not take any crap. But, because he's a nice guy, maybe he pledges to bully other bullies - and protect the bullied. Like Robin Hood, but a bit meaner (Charlie and Drew would undoubtedly discuss the impossibility of having one's cake and eating it). Then as things progress he would lose the part of him that knows which lines not to cross; his innocence.
For that matter, what is Simon's true role? I really like him as a character, but is he not treading on the toes of Drew, and perhaps Jordan too? Could he instead be merged into Drew - the happy-go-lucky type who doesn't have to worry about being fired, because his uncle's got his back? We already know he caves easily - wouldn't he help advance Jordan's career (if still necessary) in return for a few big buckets of chicken drumsticks?
Perhaps Jordan could be blazing a trail, and set up Drew (in Simon's role) as the uber-bully, ready to be the final domino that launches Jordan into a cushy promotion. But, a jealous Harvey hopes to steal his thunder and stops Drew first - not realising (or perhaps forgetting) the cardinal sin of sacking a Hammill. Jordan's prepared admonishments for Drew are re-directed at Harvey, and Jordan gets promoted (while dodging a Drew-sacking bullet). A demoted Harvey could then cause a ruckus from the ground up.
I guess there are lots of variables at play, and I wouldn't claim to have all the answers - but the way it feels currently is that you have a taken a simple premise (the bullied becomes the bully) and over-complicated it, in order to avoid being too conventional - but at the same time losing some clarity.
*Stakes
It makes sense that the people Jordan cares about form his real motivations and by extension, the stakes. I have to say though, I wasn't entirely convinced by the fat cats thing. It's funny, but I don't know if it makes a strong enough centrepiece for the end. That said, I realise that it's more about helping Samantha and beating Harvey. I guess I just felt it was a bit too faux-kooky. It's a funny idea and it'd make some good visual gags; maybe you just need to tie it a bit more to Samantha - we know that she cares about the cats, but not really why. The closest tangible link is when she makes the model fat cat - maybe that could be one of the first things she used to practice making or something, before her pet cat died?
*Dialogue
Really superb dialogue throughout. You guys have a knack for timing.
If I had to pick out one or two conversations/gags that seemed to let the side down:
The whole Dark Knight bit is funny, but at a page and a half it feels contrived - compared to the Adaptation bit that at least had a grounding in Charlie's job.
The Harvey/Sir thing feels a bit overcooked by the later stages.
Also, the pogo stick requesting seemed to jar a bit.
But otherwise, I think pretty much every page kept me laughing. I'll be honest, I'll be happy when I can write comedy that works this well!
*Cinematic Value / Special Qualities
The stuff that Jordan does as COOS could be a lot more visual - more imaginative and ambitious too. Think bigger. Instead of putting tacks down and making a lame joke, why not rent out Marge's home parking space to a busload of nuns - teach her a lesson that way. And maybe do some complicated cross-teaching tie people's punishments together. I feel you could have a lot more fun with this aspect of the plot.
Otherwise, definite cinematic potential. Maybe just review the lead-up to the end to ensure it's as snappy as the rest of the script - but I think this will arise from tightening the premise overall.
I can't wait to see future adaptations (of this)!
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
office humor at its finest
This is a sharp script that should be pretty relatable for just about everyone. Who hasn't had a terrible job like this before?
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Stellar Script and Story
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Fun!!
A couple of the moments had me laughing out loud. Really simple and strong premise with some great jokes sprinkled in.
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Pretty Funny!
Pretty funny take on the office comedy genre!
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Loved it!
I thought this was awesome - would love to see it on the big screen!
1
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Hilarious script
Found myself laughing throughout this great script. I would love to see this movie made. Anyone else see Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the protagonist Jordan?
