All Reviews

I very much enjoyed the premise. I did think however it was very rushed. I know with comedies, that is sometimes the case. You kinda knew where the story was headed. I was surprised by the quick ending too.

All in all though, I did like the script.

Excellent script! Rob Jackson was relatable and charismatic. He grew from one place to another. The love interest was well set up with ample conflicts with the leading man and their progress was fun. I thought Don was a good character who had much to teach Rob.

The only two things I might recommend you consider would be:
- Take a look at some of the training scenes. I am not certain that all of them are politically correct, particularly the lesbian bar. I am not sure that would really make it out of Warner Bros.
- Review the third act. I felt it was a bit abrupt. On the whole, I felt like you could have used another 8-10 pages in the story. Perhaps it would help to introduce a bit more of Rob's context and backstory, for instance by bringing in his family in act two? This could create more comedy and conflict in act two that could make the whole thing more rounded and substantial for Rob and more satisfying for the audience.

But great job. At minimum it's a great writing sample but I think it is also makeable. The question is whether you can get a comedic romantic lead who can also pass as a professional athlete. Will Ferrel no. Jack Black no. Sandler no. Stiller no. Matt McConaughey might be a bit old to be a professional athlete. Jamie Foxx? Maybe. I'm sure someone can think of someone.

I don't know about Hollywood, but I love baseball movies. Pride of the Yankees, Bang the Drum Slowly, The Natural, Bull Durham, Field of Dreams, Eight Men Out, For the Love of the Game... they all touch on an experience and a game that is deeply rooted on our collective psyche. The trick is tapping into that shared experience in a new and compelling way. Forget your spec experience. This is a good script and I'm glad you posted it. In 1995, it would have sold for a small fortune as a spec. Today, it's on Amazon. Hopefully, it will find the audience and commercial support it deserves.

Well done, Matt.

I noticed a few typos on pages 12, 17, 44, and 78.
There could be others, but I didn’t notice them. If you use Final Draft or MM you could have the program read the script to you. Always helps me.
This is a fully realized world with interesting characters that a reader can empathize with in a both emotional and spiritual way.
A page-turner.
I try not to use the word well…at the beginning of dialogue because it is a time killer and actors tend to need little prompting when delivering “important” lines.
I reviewed the book "Empire the Great" several years ago. Thematically somewhat similar to your script. Check it out.
One major problem is the characters talk the same. They come from different worlds and backgrounds, why would they all talk the same.
You could lose about ten pages and improve the read quite a bit.
Overall, very good.

I only read the first ten pages. That was enough. The whole baseball scene didn't seem genuine. It reads like a baseball movie written by someone who doesn't know anything about baseball.