Script readers tend to read the first and last sentence of long paragraphs. The first paragraph to set the scene in ZAP suite is twenty seven lines.
Maybe it is just me, but I like scripts that stick to the rule of no more than two and a half lines of text for action paragraphs.
My rewrite of Jake held to that rule here: http://studios.amazon.com/scripts/2989
Another rule I try to follow is: Action paragraphs should be written in present tense, active voice, and strong action verbs.
ZAP uses passive voice and continuous tense too much for my taste.
I didn't understand why Baby Howie needed to look like a big baby at fourteen. We would expect something as strange as this to lead to a big payoff somewhere in the script. I didn't see it.
ZAP tells us about the characters. How will a director put this on screen to show us the character traits?
Several scenes threw me when the action paragraph tells of an action that happened outside the scene in the recent past.
Here is an example: "He is talking on the phone and as he reaches over to hang up the phone there is a CU of his hand." I see continuous tense, passive voice, and a cut to a closeup.
All in all, I thought it a good story with lots of room for improved read ability.
Review of ZAP Suite.
Script readers tend to read the first and last sentence of long paragraphs. The first paragraph to set the scene in ZAP suite is twenty seven lines.
Maybe it is just me, but I like scripts that stick to the rule of no more than two and a half lines of text for action paragraphs.
My rewrite of Jake held to that rule here: http://studios.amazon.com/scripts/2989
Another rule I try to follow is: Action paragraphs should be written in present tense, active voice, and strong action verbs.
ZAP uses passive voice and continuous tense too much for my taste.
I didn't understand why Baby Howie needed to look like a big baby at fourteen. We would expect something as strange as this to lead to a big payoff somewhere in the script. I didn't see it.
ZAP tells us about the characters. How will a director put this on screen to show us the character traits?
Several scenes threw me when the action paragraph tells of an action that happened outside the scene in the recent past.
Here is an example:
"He is talking on the phone and as he reaches over to hang up the phone there is a CU of his hand."
I see continuous tense, passive voice, and a cut to a closeup.
All in all, I thought it a good story with lots of room for improved read ability.
Vern