Overall Recommendation:
4.0 stars
(10)
5 Stars:
40.0%
(4)
 
4 Stars:
30.0%
(3)
 
3 Stars:
20.0%
(2)
 
2 Stars:
10.0%
(1)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.1 stars
(10)
 
Story structure:
3.6 stars
(10)
 
Character:
3.3 stars
(10)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(10)
 
Emotion:
3.1 stars
(10)
 
 
1-10 of 10 reviews
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4 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Awesome fun

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
Main1302974971._sx60_sy80_
Charlotte
March 11, 2011
What a fun idea. I love the mash-up of different genres. Reminds me of Cowboys and Aliens. Really excited by this one.

You might get a little more specific with Lavinia when you introduce her. Who is she? Is she a wife, a mistress, a sister, a slave? I was a bit in the dark about her status vis-a-vis Flavius.

I thought Titus was very well drawn. He reminded me of King Leonidas from 300. I totally see Gerard Butler playing him. In general the gladiator stuff was very similar to the storyline in Gladiator. And yet this totally works because while that story is completely predictable, I also know the zombies are coming. It builds anticipation. And I love, love, love the smash cut from "Find something to kill that Gladiator!" to Cassius in full zombie mode.

"They call it, a Zombie." Awesome. It's just fun watching people discover the horror of a zombie. And using zombies for sport. That is exactly what the Romans would do. And I like that he's a fast-moving zombie, a fighter. I approve!

Dude, crocodiles and elephants? And zombies? That's insane. Love it. Wouldn't want to shoot it. But I love it.

I didn't really buy the zombie whores who were described as "Gorgeous. Perfect bodies. Sweat glistening." Elsewhere you describe the zombies as having gray skin and looking hideous. So that was a bit of a cheat.

You might want to cut back on your use of exclamation points. ("Marcus is now a zombie!") By the end of it, I was kind of exhausted and just wanted it to be over.

I'm not sure why, but the race from the garrison to the city walls was kind of boring? I guess maybe you already had a terrific race sequence with the elephants and this just seemed repetitive and less interesting.

I would like to see Lavonia go full zombie. None of this scratch on the arm stuff. Actually, you should probably have a love scene first, and then she goes zombie. That would really surprise us. Titus goes back to rescue her, and right before he gets there, she gets a bite.

That would upset us. And then we find out that there may be a cure. So Titus goes back into the city with Lucious, finds the wolf, gets the cure, and then he's betrayed by Lucious. And now you could have Lavonia jump out and bite Lucious. That would be kinda awesome. And then she's cured.

In general I think you could whack off 10-15 pages in the second half. But I'm a big fan of this one. Awesome idea, I definitely see this being made at some point. It's a natural.
 
11 out of 16 people found the following review helpful:

Tasty parts, needs some more brains

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
Main1304600334._sx60_sy80_
June 11, 2011
This is a very cool concept, the action scenes are exciting, and the set pieces are creative. The writing is clear and professional and the script is an easy read.

The main problems have already been identified by AS on the script forum: the hero is underdeveloped, the zombies need a supernatural origin story, and there needs to be a better villain.

Hero: Titus doesn’t have much of a hero’s journey. He starts by wanting to win his freedom, and that’s where he ends up. He’s such a superman he doesn’t really seem challenged at any point, so there’s never any doubt that he’s going to win. His backstory is thin and tired and comes very late in the script. He shows very little emotion, other than mild disdain and amusement, and everyone is is pretty much along for the ride.

Also, I found the other gladiators interchangeable. And Lavinia was right out of a 50’s sword and sandals epic: all she wants is to settle down with a nice man and have babies.

Origin: The zombie disease arrives by chance, like a bad case of bird flu. No one causes it, it’s not a punishment for hubris or whatever – it just happens. As AS has pointed out, this is a missed opportunity to tell how zombies got started. It’s mentioned that the wolf came from Africa, and the African mask/god appears briefly, but then this whole thread is dropped.

Villain: Flavius is a generic emperor, and then becomes slightly more interesting as a zombie. Quintus starts out as a nice enough guy, albeit a boring bureaucrat, and on Titus’s side (if purely for practical reasons). Then he becomes a villain very late and rather suddenly. Zombies alone aren’t really villains – they’re more of a force of nature. Great heroes need great villains as foils – e.g., Hans Gruber in “Die Hard,” Darth Vader, etc. Even in a “zombie” movie like “Aliens,” you still had the evil preppie.

Following are some specific notes:

Pg. 2: The slave says the wolf MUST be killed, then on pg. 4 he says it CAN’T be killed.

Pg. 5: What is Flavius like? Young and debauched? Old and decrepit? A weary soldier or a young fop?

Pg. 6: It doesn’t seem likely that a woman would be able to just leap into the imperial box. It would have to be high up enough to be safe from lions and tigers and big men with battleaxes.

Pg. 11: Why are so many seriously wounded soldiers in the middle of Rome? There’s no indication that a civil war is in progress, which means that any battles must be hundreds or thousands of miles away and anyone wounded would be treated in a local field hospital. (Also, who exactly are they fighting before the zombies turn up?)

Pg. 12: The surgeon could ask WHEN he was bitten and express disbelief that the “infection” could have set in so quickly.

Pg. 19: I didn’t think syringes were around in Roman times, but Wikipedia backs you up on that. 

Pg. 21: “Zombosus Humanus” just sounds silly to me.

I really liked the initial zombie battle in the arena.

Turning the emperor into a zombie at the end of the first act felt early to me; this seems like an end of the second act “all is lost” moment, especially if Titus was counting on him for his freedom. I DO like the idea of the zombie Caesar, but it deprives you of a more rounded villain.

34: The elephants rocked.

36: If a crocodile eats a zombie, does it turn into a zombie or just get a bad tummy ache? Also, if everything a zombie bites turns into a zombie, where do they find plain old dead people to eat? Or do they just have to eat their lunch before it eats them back?

Toppling the statues seems petty and gratuitous, and Titus has more important things to worry about.

It’s implausible that Titus wouldn’t know where the Senate was if he grew up in the city. If he was a country boy, you might want to spell that out.

38: format glitch

39: The “acting emperor” thing is nonsense.

40: Quintus sounds WAY too much like Marcus Aurelius in “Gladiator” here.

41: Titus and Lavinia have their little chit chat while a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is raging outside. They don’t seem to realize they are in serious SH$% and will be lucky to live through the day.

45: Mulitple torches seem a bit much. One is plenty and also spookier.

52: Specify that the zombie harlots are obscured by the steam at first.

I liked the underwater scene.

54: Titus is blaming Quintus for unleashing the zombies, which seems unfair. Why call Quintus a monster? The guy’s been pretty decent to him up until now.

56: I thought “compared to what” was the best line in the script. For the most part, the dialogue is serviceable and a reasonable compromise between archaic and modern language. A few more memorable lines would liven things up.

57: Again, this is late for a backstory, and I feel I’ve heard versions of this story a hundred times before.

Here’s another reference to the “idea” of Rome (see pg. 40). But what IS that idea and what does it have to do with this story?

76: I like zombie central.

80: The wolf blood cure seemed random – almost deus ex machina – and a bald excuse to go wolf-hunting in the sewer. As AS pointed out, the cure should be supernatural, not pseudo-scientific.

However, I did dig the zombie sewer rats on pg. 83.

84: If he hates cats, you have GOT to set this up earlier (like Indy and snakes).

Again, the set pieces here are great and you really know how to write action. But I agree with AS that you need a stronger story and more compelling characters.
 
4 out of 6 people found the following review helpful:

She's Just Not That Into It??

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
Main1307839498._sx60_sy80_
July 01, 2011
So I came into this with low expectations and I was SOMEWHAT pleasantly disappointed. I've never read a zombie script although I've seen my fair share of zombie movies so the whole "contest" thing is what brought me here - and the chance to actually read a "horror" script and see how they are written.

As I commented in the forum - I'm not too keen on this zombie lust people seem to have - especially boys (men?). It seems so trite and cliche and, quite literally, DONE. TO. DEATH. It's like the genre itself is a zombie that no one knows how to kill. Funny, I don't feel that way about romantic comedies though. :D

Anyway - this script is sooooo been there done that. Honestly - that's how commercial it is. It's a no brainer and as soon as people step out of the theatre they're gonna feel like they were bamboozled. I just don't know what to say. Okay - yes, you did read that right at the beginning - I WAS somewhat pleasantly surprised because I think it's a solid script and it certainly is something that hollywood could shoot right now - no changes and make some kind of success out of it just because of the zombies and people (for whatever weird reasons) suddenly are into zombies. I won't be surprised if zombie ice cream comes out - spoiler alert: it'll be gray. with red streaks in it. and the carton will be ghoul green. And Ben & Jerry's will be the company. *sigh*

Let me just say it like I mean it:

PREMISE - Stale. Could have been better, more creative, but it is what it is. But we can't cry over spilled milk, right? Even if we manage to scrape it back into the carton, it still won't be fresh. So - zombies are what we're working with. And Romans. *sigh* Nothing about this is interesting. It IS commercial though - and a blockbuster is a blockbuster, but we have to stop feeding the mindless masses. Maybe that's what your message is - that the audience is made up mostly of zombies. The whole thing about the Romans being the birth of everything civilized and having that under threat - what "Rome" stands for - boring. Those "civilized" people are ground zero of some of the most heinous crimes against humanity and we're still trying to sell the message of their "greatness" and how if they are threatened so then the fate of the world must be. Please. I bet the Africans, Chinese, Natives, etc couldn't give a toss as they had their own idea of what civility was before the Romans came along. I'm not buying it. And this notion that all evils generate from the Dark Continent - come on, people. It's the 21st century and we're still trying to convince the world the devil is black? That damn African slave should have stabbed that army dude.Some good their "voodoo" did them. I mean, really? They could come from a continent that births demons with untold powers, but they couldn't stop the white man from putting them in chains and dragging them across the world to pick cotton for 23 hours a day?? They couldn't use their powerful voodoo to at least get the white man's money??? COME. ON. If you had dark powers like that at your disposal - you MIGHT let somebody take you across the world, but it for damn sure wouldn't be for them to conquer YOU. Unless you're retarded. You would let them take you so you could unleash your power on THEM and conquer THEM. Everything evil, mystical, and powerful always comes from Africa - yet the damn Africans can never win for losing. I've never understood this. It's faulty logic and seeks to perpetuate a false history and a false idea about who and how certain races are.

STRUCTURE: Not much I can say here - I thought the overall structure was good. There was some good pacing - but the zombie orgy was too quick. Slow that down a bit. Take your time - "make story not zombie." There needs to be some more sub plots. Why would we care about these people? Why would we want them to survive a vicious attack when they are vicious themselves? Seems they got what they deserved, doesn't it? Who should we identify with exactly? The blood thirsty spectators? The whores? The stupid/juvenile evil rulers? The callous gladiators? Or the stolen African slaves? And where are all the slaves when zombiepalooza is happening? What - wolves and zombies don't eat dark meat? Or do they have a secret hiding place or immunity? I guess if it's night time - they are hard to see anyway. Where are the Negress slaves? Don't tell me Rome went to Africa and came back with everything but those exotic, naked, curvy, super stacked from the front to the back chocolate queens. Not likely. And since the demon IS African - perhaps the other Africans know something about it that could help their captors right off the bat, but strangely enough, no one even thinks to ask. Incidentally, this would be the perfect time for those slaves to get right back on those boats and go home. They certainly would have no compassion on these people who disrespected them by kidnapping them and their ridiculing their ancient knowledge - despite being warned. Wouldn't that be an interesting twist - the black perspective. The movie would be called "ZvG.RT!: Zombies vs Gladiators - Real Talk!" and would last about five minutes. It would certainly be a comedy. Someone said before that there needs to be a love story and they are correct. Love will get you through anything - even a genre mashup. So somebody better fall in love to up the stakes in this thing. And one gruesome thing - zombie children and infants...yikes. There will most definitely be some decapitating of little ones. Don't know how you can skip that because children were at these arena games, too, and zombies aren't partial. I liked the zombie concubines - that scene seems like it would be filmed beautifully. The fangs are an iffy morph for a zombie movie and would make people think too much of vampires - like the concept is a confused one or something. Why do their eyes turn red? Like the Howling? Why can't they turn gray? Seriously, if you saw someone with glowing red eyes - would you care WHAT happened to them? No, you would want to kill them immediately because you would think whatEVER happened - nothing good could come of it. The doctor being all fascinated was weird. These are superstitious people - I can't see them being all "Wow, dude's skin is gray and he refuses to die and his eyes are an unholy color - let's cage him and run tests. He might have chlamydia." You know what I mean? And I thought zombosus humanus was too hilarious. I kept thinking "thrombosus." I found it interesting that the doctor dude came up with a name instantly - almost like he'd seen it before. No thought, no struggle with the meaning of life - no searching the vast Roman libraries - no nothing. Just instantly knew it's a zombie. Which goes back to my original idea - these guys are the evil ones. They've been experimenting with old Roman (not African) mysticism and science and unleashed something they couldn't control. If not - Africa would have been a continent of zombies when they got there - it's impossible to think the thing had never bit an African. Perhaps the Romans experimented in ancient times and lost the beast in Africa and have been hunting for it through the centuries (an elect group of scholars and leaders) and it was finely captured and brought home again so that Rome could conquer the world as it had planned millenia ago when the beast first got away. So far the action is okay. I wonder what's happened to the wild menagerie that was freed - the lions, tigers, gators, bears, camels, sea turtles? These creatures would be hunting the gladiators, too, whether they are zombies or not.

CHARACTERS: Every character in this needs more depth and more development. We have no real idea of what motivates any of these people. They seem like characters from The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston (I seriously thought Moses was gonna make an appearance), Elizabeth (Flava Flavius reminded me of that French dude that wanted to marry Elizabeth - the one that they caught wearing make-up and a dress. He seems lazy and effeminate. Not to mention a little touched in the head. The scene where he gets upset at Titus not boning the muscle chick - the level of anger is too much for that small confrontation. We need a set up that Titus is favored above this guy and that people trust Titus more and maybe want to see HIM as Caesar because this foppish dude has made so many bad decisions in the past which is why the crowds are so huge at the games. The Caesar has waived the arena tax to appease the stupid public and give them sport to take their minds off the horrible way the city is being run). The lady, Lusty Lavinia? She seems like a wonder woman slash cirque du soleil performer slash stripper. I can't tell if she's young and beautiful or just a flexible cougar. Why is she's Flavius' whore again? Does she have a plan? Is she plotting revenge perhaps for a sister that was taken away at a young age to be a plaything for the senate??? And why are she and the other dude (his adviser) thick as thieves? What are their motives? In fact - what is the motive of a zombie? Once a person is bitten - they are vicious, but essentially harmless - like a dog. A pitbull, if you will. They are only evil if trained that way. Why do the zombies crave flesh as opposed to - vegetables? Or no food at all? Why are they never full? They hunger but don't thirst - why? Were the Romans trying to create a kind of army (according to their ancient texts) that could sustain massive injuries and long battles abroad with little resources? And their experiment go horribly wrong? Do not forget that your film is ground zero for zombies so it MUST explain and illustrate zombie protocol. Why do they die when you shoot them in the brain or cut off their heads? What is the connection to the brain or the disconnection that makes the birth and the death of a zombie possible? This is your chance to create the history and the lore - not just mimick it. I really don't like how Flavius in an idiot in real life, but actually evolves as a zombie. If he can do it - why can't they all? I don't understand how the zombies can withstand fire - I would assume that fire would destroy their brains as much as an arrow or decapitation would. And how after they are charred beyond recognition - a simple bow and arrow shot can make them explode in a sea of ash. ??!! They have no eyes, but they can still charge after the gladiators. This is some Pirates of the Carribean Interviewing Vampires in the Twilight on Elm Street typa stuff. It will be hard to suspend one's disbelief. I can see the cast: Viggo Mortgenson (Titus), Angelina Jolie or Catherine Zeta or Rachel Weiss (Lavinia), Ralph Fiennes or Jude Law (Flavius)

DIALOGUE: Passable. Needs to be more snappy. And it needs to draw you in more. Right now it doesn't. Needs more tension, more suspense, more clarity, more life.

EMOTION:You don't really think of emotion when you think of zombies so for me the question is "why do I care?" - I don't. The emotion is not going to be in this story so you need to evoke emotion in the audience - give them someone or something to care about. I cared about the Africans that were fresh off the boat and thrown into the Gladiator pit. I think I could care about Titus - he is a type of Moses - delivering his people and all. I would like to care about him more and perhaps I will if I finish the script. I don't think the stakes are high enough for him. I want to know who he was before he was put in that pit. It seems like an act of vengeance on someone's part. And the relationship with him and Lavinia seems - weird, but promising. Were they past lovers? Are they cohorts? What are their ulterior motives? What lives do they have waiting for them outside the pit??? They will free Rome in the end (I'm guessing), but will they free the slaves? History says not, so I still don't see a reason to care for these people. They escape one savagery only to visit it upon another group of people who will not fair so well as them for another several millenia...

Again -why do we care about any of these people?? Surrounded by so much senseless death and destruction - there must be one overriding ideal that somebody, ANYbody can hold on to over the 90 minutes it will take to tell (sell) this story. But let me finish reading to see if the second half changes my opinion.

NOTE: Above review was reading only half the script. I finally finished it and the second half was much, much better! I actually felt some tension and couldn't wait to see what happened to everybody. I love that Lavinia turned into a zombie. I think she should have turned while she and Titus were making love. Can you imagine that on the big screen?? That would be awesome. I think you can trim some stuff - especially since the story and the emotion really kick in after page 60. I still don't buy the intelligent zombie thing - I just can't see why Flavius has more sense undead than alive. The antidote thing needs work - I think someone said it before - that was a little too picture perfect wrap up. The obstacles were more dramatic, but less dangerous - i.e. the zombie animals. The attack was relentless, but why would rabid animals be afraid of each other? Why would the wolf appear so conveniently and have such a strange effect on the other zombie creatures? Titus captured a demon - with his bare hands... and a leather muzzle. O.o WAY. TOO. EASY. The last action bits made it seem like you were just trying to get through the rest of the script because it was getting long. Trim the fat and you can do that second half justice. I wasn't buying the antidote thing either - if you think about it realistically/logically - they are throwing those arrows and darts with serum willy nilly into a writhing pit of zombies and humans fighting to the death. This would be a most comical scene the way it's written for, almost assuredly, as soon as the antidote hit one guy to make him human a zombie would catch his scent, pounce and bite and make him a zombie again. You would ALMOST have to come up from behind the action to make this work and hope that all the soldiers would fall back, away from the fighting, and not forward, into the fray. And the onslaught of antidote daggers and arrows would have to be relentless and someone would have to be there to drag the cured people away immediately lest they risk getting bitten by a zombie who is close by. Or someone would have to be constantly telling them to stay down til the antidote kicks in - they when they are cured they tell the next group to stay down and that way they are cured like dominoes falling and being cured from the back while the fight rages on towards the front until all are saved (those who haven't had their heads cut off). I still want to know what happened to the slaves at the beginning and what happened with the women and children. I'm sure they must have turned to zombies too? If this is too gruesome for you then you must use the device that all other writers use - at some point the men must send their women and children in some sort of mass exodus early on as they stay behind to defend the city against the approaching danger. There are women, children, men, zombies, and slaves yet we only see what happens to the men and the zombies. 3/5 of your population are unaccounted for and unspoken of.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

A new and interesting twist to the zombie genre

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
Main1359047423._sx60_sy80_
London
March 05, 2013
I love zombie films and when i saw the premise for this I couldn't wait to have a read. Having written a screenplay using zombies myself, I know first hand tthat it's very difficult trying to find new ways of recreating something that has been done time and time again. This was brillant way to bring the zombie genre into a new light.

Zombies against gladiators - brilliant, no guns just close quarters sword swinging, gut slicing action.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

VERY COOL

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
Main1376090002._sx60_sy80_
Tokyo
August 13, 2013
I'm new to this site and so wanted to read the original script to see how the development process had changed it. I must say I like this better than the more recent premises and characters I've seen for the same story (i.e. low-class rather than prince; natural plague rather than magic).

For what it's worth (as I guess no one's looking at this draft anymore), I think it could be improved in three simple ways: 1) tie the story into some existing history about an ill-documented plague in Rome (with a super at the beginning or end); 2) make the dialogue more of the period and less modern American (it walks a fine line with the whole tongue-in-cheek cool approach vs. seriousness, but I think it could maintain that balance with better period dialogue); 3) remove the contradictions with it affecting the girl more slowly than others and only some zombies exploding into dust when shot with arrows.

Regardless, the premise and set pieces are amazing!
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

A riveting tale

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
Profileimage._sx60_sy80_
Atlanta, Ga
August 22, 2011
I enjoyed the script quite a bit. I believe the characters could be developed a little more with some additional background details.

I found the method of delivering the serum at the end to be a stretch. I would agree that it makes for a more exciting climax but not a very realistic one. It seems to me that if you shoot a zombie in the neck with an arrow and it turns into a human again, it will still have an arrow in its neck and a whole new set of problems. Same with stabbing someone with a spear. I'm not sure what solution that I can offer, perhaps something smaller like the darts of a blow gun. Maybe it could be in liquid form and poured over the zombies. Maybe they could be attacking the walls and instead of dumping boiling oil on them, you could dump luke warm seum on their heads in order to save them.

Also, how did the wolf come to be a zombie in the first place? A little more detail there would make the story more plausible.

Otherwise, great job and good luck...!
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

ZvG original draft review

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
Main1304289439._sx60_sy80_
Southeast AK
July 29, 2011
I really enjoyed this story. I love zombies and am very into ancient roman civilization and politics, etc. So this was immediately a great combination for me. I just have a few comments, then below is a copy of a review for the re-write script I also read and commented on, which isn't so much a review of story structure, plot and characters as it is technical details.

It was interesting that you chose to preserve (most of) the minds of the people the zombies once were, giving them more purpose than the usual flesh-eaters. It gives something different to the story, but sometimes I'm not sure what to make of it. By this detail they don't appear to be bound by "zombie hunger", the overpowering urge to just eat and eat. In one part of the story they actually pass up on victims while pursuing Quintus.

I wonder what the zombies would do if they had completely taken over Rome, because they are not simply mindless like in other stories.

As noted in the review below, I was slightly confused about Lavinia's character. We see her entertain before the gladiators fight, and she seems to be an entertainer. Then she asks for freedom so I assume she is a slave, but Quintus offers to take care of her. Maybe I am looking too much into everything but she just doesn't seem like a slave to me, and isn't always treated as such. Maybe just specify "what" she is, as well as who, when introducing her (LAVINIA (20s), slave).

I think I would have preferred lack of a cure and some sort of strategic military victory, but I didn't dislike the way the story went. I just pictured zombies turning back into humans, riddled with arrow holes and gashes from swords, being of little use because once cured because many had deadly wounds.

I like Titus's history, a little more back story on other characters would also be great.

I hope my review was at least somewhat helpful. As I said I really enjoyed the story and am excited to see how it evolves!


---

THE FOLLOWING WAS POSTED ON ALEJANDRO'S RE-WRITE
http://studios.amazon.com/scripts/6985

**Also note that I limited my review of terms below to words only spoken in dialogue, rather than text descriptions, because only the spoken/written words that would appear in the movie really need to be addressed**

First off, the re-write is a great improvement on the original, cutting down a lot of extra, unnecessary text. Most of the following points are technical/grammatical errors that should be easy to revise. Most apply to the original draft so I will post a review there as well.

There are quite a few spelling errors throughout the script, and missing words in several spots of dialogue (like page 82, the bottom of the page has Quintus speaking and a word or two appear to be missing). Also on page 69 Lavinia says "oh god" instead of referencing "gods". Like I said- simple, fixable errors that I just wanted to point out in case they were not already corrected.

I would like to first note that I am no history expert, but throughout the script there are many words used that do not belong in a story taking place in 300 A.D.

Syringes - this immediately stuck out; i believe the first use of any type of syringe was in the late 1600's, refined in the 1800's to use fine needles.

Antidote - terms like "cure" are just fine but antidote is a term first used around the 1400's

Hospital - this is 13th century medieval/old french.

Surgeon - another term of the 1400's, ancient Romans used the term "Medicus"

Platoon - a term of the 17th century, I think.

All these should be fairly simple to research and confirm, and it would be a good idea to scan the rest of the script for similar errors. Nothing like technical errors in details of history to throw off a good period-piece zombie movie!

My only other note is that I was a bit unclear of Lavinia's character. We see her entertain before the gladiators fight, and she seems to be an entertainer. Then she asks for freedom so I assume she is a slave, but Quintus offers to take care of her. Maybe I am looking too much into everything but she just doesn't seem like a slave to me.

Regardless - I love this script and can't wait to see where it goes!
 
1 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Promising fun.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
Main1316287725._sx60_sy80_
California
July 05, 2011
Good job.
 
0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

BCL'S Rating

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
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Bethlehem
August 19, 2011
I wrote a critique a few days ago. I feel that I was fair however since I am also offering a rewrite of the script for the August Contest, I feel that it is in poor taste to also have a review of the original script. What I feel needed work, changes, alterations will be evident in my version of the script.

This being the case I have opted to remove my original review posted a few days ago. If anyone is truly interested or concerned with my opinions, I will gladly answer in a message. Thank you.
 
0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

ZvG: Zombies Vs Gladiators review

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
Profileimage._sx60_sy80_
October 28, 2013
 

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