It might just be my tastes. The dialogue is essentially a mix of cunt, mother jokes and the occasional pulling it back comment from Mikel. Add some punch in there, as well as some depth.
Also, I would add some scene changes. If we say 1 page equals 1 minute then at the start they're standing there talking about vagina's and doing each others moms for 13 minutes at the gym. Seems a little long. There's definite bright spots, when the girls group and guys group meet at the Hunt Club for example, but there needs to be more there for the reader to turn the page.
Also, I would add some scene changes. If we say 1 page equals 1 minute then at the start they're standing there talking about vagina's and doing each others moms for 13 minutes at the gym. Seems a little long. There's definite bright spots, when the girls group and guys group meet at the Hunt Club for example, but there needs to be more there for the reader to turn the page.