All Reviews

Rayfield Scott was a generally entertaining screenplay. It reads well and the story is easy to follow. I liked how Ray escaped from the jail, and the action scenes are fast paced and exciting. The dialogue works. Nothing quotable, but it certainly wasn't heavy handed. The story is rich with various plots.

What attracted me to this screenplay was the premise of a sister hiring a bounty hunter to pry her brother from the clutches of a gang that he willfully joined. I don't recall ever seeing a similar story line in the context of western at least. It's intriguing because it allows for a story that doesn't have a standard ending. What if Lyle doesn't want to be saved? How will the gang react? Would the sister accept Ray killing her brother? Maybe it's a double cross? In other words, I was curious to see how the story would turn out. Unfortunately, the story is not primarily about finding the brother Lyle and bringing him in despite it being in the log line. In fact, Beth seems somewhat nonchalant about Lyle for most of the story.

Beyond not delivering on what was advertised, the story lacks focus. At first, it seems the story will be about avenging Lillian's murder but the problem is is that Garrison hangs out in the open and Rayfield could kill him at any time it seems. Then Beth shows up but saving Lyle doesn't seem important. The the theatre company shows and starts taking up screen time and focus on Rayfield's goal. For this story to be effective, Rayfield needs to be single minded, as he should be, in getting revenge.

It's fine that there are multiple storylines. It's just that they don't smoothly intertwine. The beginning seems mechanical as if you are trying to tell Rayfield's back story as quickly as possible. Even the ambush killing by the Garrison Gang feel perfunctory when it could have a lot of tension. Also, despite being an educated man, after the murder of his wife, Rayfield turns into this quiet stoic gunman with no attachment to his past. Perhaps, he should use his education even if it's to help children in the town and thus surprising the locals.

This leads me to another thought in that there is little real conflict between Beth and Rayfield even when his valuables are stolen. Perhaps, Beth can have a more condescending attitude toward Rayfield at the beginning and can grow to love him when she discovers this intelligence he has hidden behind his tough exterior. Also there is the conflict of Rayfield engaging in a romance with the memory of Lillian hanging out there. It was also difficult to believe that Beth's fiance would allow her to go on this dangerous trip loaded with money by herself.

The robbery of the theatre group would work better if it was part of Rayfield's goal of revenge. Currently, it's the big goal of the antagonists but doesn't affect Rayfield much at all. Also, I think it would be interesting if the goal of catching Lyle was in conflict with Ray's goal of revenge. The bottom line is that the current story is very linear and lacks complications and twists.

There were a few moments where things happened too fast or needed additional description. (1) Right after Ray attacks Garrison, Garrison immediately proceeds to ambush a stagecoach. (2) Lyle is tied up to a tree although we don't have a description of Ray doing it. (3) Harris disarms Ray and brings him to Garrison.

I had a bad reaction to Rayfield killing Lyle as he was trying to escape. It might have been better to let him go or else make it clear he had it coming to him. This note could go either way but that was my visceral reaction.

The plot involving Julia doesn't pay off. Does Ray know the train is going to be robbed when he wakes up in jail? It's not clear. Ray's only goal with regard to Julia is to watch her perform and nothing else.

A lot of time is spent with Garrison and Juanita. I'm not sure if that relationship completely works. It might be better to spend more time with the protagonists.

All in all, it's a solid screenplay. The elements are all here and I think if you develop the conflicts and potential conflicts it will reach the screenplay I imagine it can be.

Good luck. Phil.

I love the continuous action. This keeps the audience interested. You are definately on the right track. The only thing this story needs is a little more character building to help the audience step into the characters shoes. Maybe a scene or two more that helps develope why the main characters are reacting the way they are to situations. I am looking foward to seeing " Rayfield Scott" in theatres. I love westerns. Good luck.

CONGRATS ON THE WIN!

It's been a joy to see Mr. Miyaki's screenwriting skills and scripts develop over the time I've worked with him. This script would make for a great Western revenge thriller. There's a clean line of action with a likeable protagonist on a righteous quest for revenge.

One of the great elements of the character is that he doesn't begin as a gunfighter. He's a passive school teacher (if I'm remembering correctly), but after his wife and child are killed, he spends years training himself to be a great shootist. Add to that a truly dastardly villain and you have a gritty but fun Western action thriller. It would make a great (and reasonably budgeted) commercial film in the vein of Unforgiven, Taken and True Grit.

The author has also hired a talented artist to adapt it into a graphic novel -- I've seen the proofs and it looks great!

I loved 'True Grit' and makes you want more western movies.....

So I read this script and I like Ray as a character, Beth too. Good dialogue and action scenes. Overall a interesting story.

Its a film I want to watch. Good luck with making Rayfield Scott!

Start by saying that it's a good work!

The plot is interesting, the subplots well-designed and well-intersected with the main one.
The main character was developed very well: it's a deep character, very well structured, and its dialogues are (almost) never out of context.
You can't say the same thing about the antagonist: he is first presented as a rapist and murderer, and then in some cases shows a humanity that doesn't suit him.

I like the relationships between the characters: real and well built. The same can be said of the main conflict between protagonist and antagonist: it keeps alive the interest in the story.

One thing to note: where is the first plot twist? It's fondamental for a good script, but I wasn't able to find it. It could be when Beth hires Ray to find her brother, but in this case this is a rather weak plot twist, cause it doesn't change the course of the story (Ray still continues to look for Garrison).

The final (after the climax) does not hold: Ray killed Beth's brother (and she loved him so much), so it is unthinkable that she returns to live with him.

Another thing that I do not like is the title: the name of the main character recalls too the various “Wyatt Earp” or “Billy the kid”.

Finally, a good job, but in my opinion not good enough to win a contest.

It is always nice to see writers of the next generation, showing appreciation for the western genre. Ryu did a wonderful job of staying within the bounds of the familiar. Good Premise too