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When I finished the piece, I had a difficult time trying to figure out what everything was
about. Clearly, it's either me, or the story needs more work. Screenplays are blueprints: First for the Director/Actors and for all the other people who will make this film.

I was having a difficult time trying to wrap my arms around the story and its characters. Did I care about them. And you need to care. Maybe that was my biggest problem. What was the real theme. In a film like this, when The End comes, you want to have some kind of epiphany, no matter how small. In this case, I was somewhat confused. But it could just be me. Others will surely have a different take on it.

It's clearly an Indie project. And could be filmed on a relatively low budget, with upcoming actors and actresses. It may be that the writer, Joseph, if he was directing the piece would pull it all off, because he understands more that is in his head than what's on the paper.

There are too many blocks of dialogue. The dialogue blocks need some heavy trimming, and more subtext.

On page 12, was there any reason for a repeat of Cal's answering machine message????

Page 30, Sarah walks to Kingston--confusing. It almost seems like she's walking to the city of Kingston. (Say: Sarah walks over to Policeman Kingston.)

Page 31, It seems a little too quick after almost dying in the snow, for Celeste to be getting it on with Dom, but then again, she is a strange one.

You could be tighter in your Scene Headings' descriptions.

On Page 42, Brewery- Tom's office. You could cut that entire conversation after "Yes, yes, of course right up to Tom hangs up the phone.
Sarah L. walks in.

Page 43- Again, blocks of dialogue. Need to be trimmed.

Page 51- Torture dialogue seems slightly confusing. I was beginning to wonder if Celeste was the Angel of Death? Was I on the right track here and then somehow lost it?

page 59- You HAD some magnificent dreams/not have?

Pages 74-76 needs sharper and edited dialogue. More subtext.

82- Dom's speech at funeral home has too much small talk. Again, that may be me. Sorry.

Page 86- Celeste opens the door and motions to get out. (Motions to who?) Carol and her daughter exit from another car and then they go into the house.

The sex on 87 & 88 seems rather weird. But then again, maybe this is Celeste's character.

101- Dialogue blocks again way too long. More white on the page.

As I said in the review title, I need to reread this piece again. It could just be me. I'm not sure what your other reviews have said. If they don't match mine in any way, just toss this one in the barrel. This is such a subjective business that it can at times drive you mad.

If anything here helps than use it.

Keep up the dodge.

Best, Richard Guimond

You should get rid of the Cont'd, they're not necessary. All your SOUNDS should be in CAPS, example, sighs, blubbers, laugh, etc. Please try to show more, not tell more. Your dialogue runs on too much. It needs to be broken up with action.