Your characterizations are strong, and it's clear you have a good idea of the mood/atmosphere you're trying to get across to your readers (and with any luck, eventually your viewers). However, at times it can be a bit of a difficult read. I say this only because of the density of descriptive passages that are not dialogue. If you read the script for Michael Clayton, or the Hurt Locker, you'll see how sparse the stage descriptions need to be. Take a look - you'll see what I mean! A screenplay isn't entirely about what's on the page; it's about what's between the lines.
Hope this helps! And keep up the good work!