This was an interesting read. The premise grabbed my eye before I wrote my first review for AS. I started watching the test movie and enjoyed the writer's comedic impression of characters - but I was getting confused. Made a mental note to read the script. 17 reviews later, I've read it. And I'm glad I did.
"Far From Me" really comes down to a particular, frustrating feeling which everyone can relate to - wanting to give up. I remember reading a Sylvia Plath poem, "Tulips", in high school, and fixating on the "hooks" that she described digging into her flesh, caused by her son and husband. The painful but necessary ties that bound her to life - keeping her away from a very inviting dark calm in death.
In this story, Matthew hooks into his friend Leo's skin, and compels him to live. Leo has every opportunity to give up, to let go, to ignore reality and just go into an eternal sleep. But Matthew won't let him.
This would be simple enough to swallow - except that the flashbacks reveal to us that Matthew has been far from heroic over the course of their past shared experiences. He's been selfish and even cowardly when they've had to deal with serious predicaments in the past. Leo has always been sensitive, attentive and carries the burden of guilt even when it's not his cross to bear. But now that it's his chance to save himself, he needs help. Without his friend, without someone to help other than himself, his faith falters.
This is a story I would probably enjoy more as a novel, yet I could still see it working as a good indie production, maybe a cross between "Open Water" and the part of "The English Patient" where she's stuck in the cave...and a dash of a lifetime drama about college students, with the tone of something like "Ordinary People". (sorry! i was lost for a third example)
In my opinion, there could be a little more drama generated by more mystery to Matthew. I'd rather suspect that he is dead - than have it confirmed so early. Have it come out through subtle aspects of their dialogue. Instead of saying that he is Leo's 'version' of him, have it be more discreet - just keep the signs that he can't do things that a living person could do. He can only inspire Leo to want to live. Having said that, I do like the moment when he 'wakes up'. It was a surprise and depicted well.
The dialogue in the flashbacks rings pretty true - some funny stuff with the frat brothers, and plenty of laughs between Leo and Matthew in general, like when they're making the flight video and he says "I hope you're gonna edit out the part where you lost the keys for 20 minutes" or something. That was funny. I also liked the duct tape joke - that Leo packs like an 8 year old. Felt very natural.
What was weird for me was that they dealt with so much tragedy together. It's perfectly reasonable - I've had plenty of repeat shared experiences with friends from way back that are tragic - but I'm not WITH them every time something happens. It was strange to me that they were together when Grant fell, together when they find out Grant is dead, together when Lisa and her friend crash.
Furthermore, the whole Lisa accident was weird. If Matthew was going to 'crash' an all girls retreat to propose, why would they be following Lisa's car? I would think Leo would drive Hayley and Matthew and Lisa would be together, and then after making sure the girls arrived safely - Leo would drive Matthew home after the proposal.
Also later, when Leo gets drunk, Matthew picks him up at 3am. But I thought Leo was Matthew's ride to the hospital..? So if anything, wouldn't Matthew need to take a bus or cab to the hospital, and then drive Leo's car?
It's not a fast paced action film, and it's not meant to be. But it's a nice sentimental script which could probably use another draft or two, maybe with more 'action' on the raft and fewer flashbacks, more mystery around Matthew's state of being - and I think it will work.
Nice job!
PAGE NOTES
56 spelling/grammar - 'needing to something crazy'
"Far From Me" really comes down to a particular, frustrating feeling which everyone can relate to - wanting to give up. I remember reading a Sylvia Plath poem, "Tulips", in high school, and fixating on the "hooks" that she described digging into her flesh, caused by her son and husband. The painful but necessary ties that bound her to life - keeping her away from a very inviting dark calm in death.
In this story, Matthew hooks into his friend Leo's skin, and compels him to live. Leo has every opportunity to give up, to let go, to ignore reality and just go into an eternal sleep. But Matthew won't let him.
This would be simple enough to swallow - except that the flashbacks reveal to us that Matthew has been far from heroic over the course of their past shared experiences. He's been selfish and even cowardly when they've had to deal with serious predicaments in the past. Leo has always been sensitive, attentive and carries the burden of guilt even when it's not his cross to bear. But now that it's his chance to save himself, he needs help. Without his friend, without someone to help other than himself, his faith falters.
This is a story I would probably enjoy more as a novel, yet I could still see it working as a good indie production, maybe a cross between "Open Water" and the part of "The English Patient" where she's stuck in the cave...and a dash of a lifetime drama about college students, with the tone of something like "Ordinary People". (sorry! i was lost for a third example)
In my opinion, there could be a little more drama generated by more mystery to Matthew. I'd rather suspect that he is dead - than have it confirmed so early. Have it come out through subtle aspects of their dialogue. Instead of saying that he is Leo's 'version' of him, have it be more discreet - just keep the signs that he can't do things that a living person could do. He can only inspire Leo to want to live. Having said that, I do like the moment when he 'wakes up'. It was a surprise and depicted well.
The dialogue in the flashbacks rings pretty true - some funny stuff with the frat brothers, and plenty of laughs between Leo and Matthew in general, like when they're making the flight video and he says "I hope you're gonna edit out the part where you lost the keys for 20 minutes" or something. That was funny. I also liked the duct tape joke - that Leo packs like an 8 year old. Felt very natural.
What was weird for me was that they dealt with so much tragedy together. It's perfectly reasonable - I've had plenty of repeat shared experiences with friends from way back that are tragic - but I'm not WITH them every time something happens. It was strange to me that they were together when Grant fell, together when they find out Grant is dead, together when Lisa and her friend crash.
Furthermore, the whole Lisa accident was weird. If Matthew was going to 'crash' an all girls retreat to propose, why would they be following Lisa's car? I would think Leo would drive Hayley and Matthew and Lisa would be together, and then after making sure the girls arrived safely - Leo would drive Matthew home after the proposal.
Also later, when Leo gets drunk, Matthew picks him up at 3am. But I thought Leo was Matthew's ride to the hospital..? So if anything, wouldn't Matthew need to take a bus or cab to the hospital, and then drive Leo's car?
It's not a fast paced action film, and it's not meant to be. But it's a nice sentimental script which could probably use another draft or two, maybe with more 'action' on the raft and fewer flashbacks, more mystery around Matthew's state of being - and I think it will work.
Nice job!
PAGE NOTES
56 spelling/grammar - 'needing to something crazy'
76 spelling 'eatten'
86 matthew is by lisa's bed, not brenda's
110 show you? - does he mean "I'll show you"..?