All Reviews

Two things to note right at the start. First, I did have some difficulty reading this. The translation is not perfect and I frequently had to reread lines until I got their meaning. This definitely affected the pace of the story and made it feel a lot slower than it is. I imagine this script is a much better read in its original German. However, regardless of the translations issues, I really enjoyed this story. I’m a big fan of science fiction, especially when it focuses more on ideas than just simple special effects.

And I especially like the sci fi subgenre of the hardboiled detective in a future dystopian society. BLADE RUNNER, ALPHAVILLE, SOYLENT GREEN. All classics. Your detective actually reminded me a lot of Charlton Heston’s character in SOYLENT GREEN. I was also reminded of the more recent French animated movie RENAISSANCE. There was definitely a few similarities there. But the one movie that I was reminded of the most was GATTACA. That dealt with many of the same themes that you did. Although it handled them in a very different way. The detective in that case wasn’t the main character. But more of the antagonist. Sort of. I strongly suggest you check out any of these titles that you haven’t seen already. I’m a big fan of these movies. And clearly you are as well.
One thing that threw me off right from the start, however, was the title. I kept expecting a Bernstein to show up. But then I realizes that Dr. Bruenstaedt was the titular character. I assume the German title of this script is Bruenstaedt?

I was also confused at first with the Detective’s actual job. At first I thought he was a police detective. He tells someone it’s the law when he’s trying to get into their apartment. But then later it becomes clear that he’s a private investigator. Maybe you should make this more clear right from the start.

I thought the script opened very well and did a great job of capturing my attention. But then things slowed down a little bit after the first 10 pages or so. The story seemed to meander a little bit. Like it didn’t really have any place to go. But then it picked up again as soon as the Detective decided to take the job.

By the way, I really like that your characters have no real names. I think it perfectly accentuates the dehumanizing future they belong to. Much in the same way as some similar stories give their characters numbers instead of names. However, I did feel that Scarred should have a better sounding name. Like Scarface or something.

One thing that did disappoint me a little was that Marietta Wegan had such a small role in the story. I expected her to play a larger part as the Femme Fatale. This type of story absolutely requires such a role. And since the Detective is grieving his dead wife, I expected some complications to ensue with this character. But she seemed to only be in the story as a plot device. Which was funny, because I thought the Fat Guy was just going to be a plot device when he was introduced, but then ended up being a major supporting character. I also thought Alice was going to play a larger role of the Femme Fatale, but she didn’t stick around for very long. I would really like to see Marietta play a larger role. Perhaps having her help the Detective gain access to the city instead of the Fat Guy. I think pairing up the Detective and Marietta like this would make things much more interesting. This is the one element that I felt was really missing from your story. The lack of a Femme Fatale character that plays an important role.

I also felt that the character of the Freak seemed a little tangential to the real story. And it felt odd when he came back in later, only to be killed. And then he was completely forgotten. And in some respects, that character felt a little too similar to Scarred.

There was a lot to like in this story. First and foremost is the future society you created. A city full of genetically perfect people and a slum of regular humans. Who are now considered sub-standard. This is an idea that has been used in many, many works of science fiction and I am a big fan of it. I think pairing this idea with a hard-boiled detective story is a great idea. And what I enjoyed most about this story. I also liked a lot of the little details, like how the Detective antagonizes the Ape Man. By giving the Detective this playful side it really made him feel more fleshed out as a character. Nicely done!

And finally, I really loved the idea of the perfect people committing mass suicide. That fits the story and the world you’ve created perfectly. But I don’t think I fully understood Bruenstaedt’s motivation to do this. I think the translation had something to do with this. I don’t think it quite captured the meaning of Bruenstaedt’s original monologue at the end. I definitely got a general impression. But I felt some nuances of meaning were missing.

I also didn’t understand why the suicides were triggered all at once. What set them off? I thought the suicides could happen anytime over the period of a couple years of age, 18-25, right? And since everyone was born at different times, the suicides should be spread out over many years. But they happened all at once. Why? Did I miss something? I think I probably did.

Also, the mushroom cloud really threw me off. Was this a nuclear explosion? What happened? It was never mentioned again. Was it simply the result of cars crashing into each other, or a plane crashing or something like that? It really confused me for a few pages. I kept expecting there to be a nuclear war or something.

And now here are a few small technical issues:

Use FLASHBACK instead of MEMORY.

Several times you have action lines formatted as dialogue. I assume this is due to the RTF conversion. Here are the pages on which it happens: 41, 73, 87. And please note that I don’t count your title page. Page one is the first page of the actual script.

One page 83, WIDE LAND should be WILD LAND. And in several places after that.

Anyways, overall I really enjoyed this story and feel with a more accurate translation that it would be even better.

Good job! And best of luck!