I like the opening --I'm hooked. It's compelling. Sara's voice over, though, doesn't sound to me the way a young girl would talk.
The INCITING INCIDENT works, but I think some pages can be condensed. Also, wouldn't Sara have a greater sense of awe?
I think the scenes with Danny can also be streamlined. (I'm expecting a payoff scene later as to why Danny has these powers.)
Btw, I love the name you have chosen for these time freezes -- "The Silences.'
Things feel very episodic. Sara leads a sheltered life... she finds a way to freeze time... she's ambiguous about it... the person who gave her these powers may be dangerous... she begins a romance/friendship with Tom... frankly, I'm wondering, is this all?
Some of the dialogue comes off as expositional.
The paparazzi pic of Sarah gives the script a much needed jolt. While things are interesting, I can't say I'm engrossed by the story.
There doesn't seem to be an antagonist, nor is there really anything antagonizing going on. I think Sara's need/want/desire has to be made clearer -- she doesn't want to live a cloistered life, I get that, but what does she desperately want? And what are the obstacles preventing her from getting it?
I don't get the sense of Veda as a fully formed character and thus her role as an antagonist isn't as effective as it could be.
I suppose another kidnapping was inevitable -- to sort of bookend with the opening.
Richards and Ford, like everyone else, seem to nonchalantly accept the extraordinary phenomenon of time freezing.
I'm not clear how Beth knew that Veda was in room 465.
I'm a little lost at all the freezing and unfreezing and time jumping, but, more pertinent, I don't think the rushing to put mattresses under falling bodies really works cinematically.
I like that Sara ends up with Danny, not Tom.
* * *
Here are my general thoughts: the premise is interesting and this is certainly a unique story, but it never really engaged me. The dialogue oftentimes came across as expositional. Other than Sara, none of the characters felt fully formed. It felt very episodic. I think a much greater and more involving plot is needed. These are just my raw, first impression thoughts.
I like the opening --I'm hooked. It's compelling. Sara's voice over, though, doesn't sound to me the way a young girl would talk.
The INCITING INCIDENT works, but I think some pages can be condensed. Also, wouldn't Sara have a greater sense of awe?
I think the scenes with Danny can also be streamlined. (I'm expecting a payoff scene later as to why Danny has these powers.)
Btw, I love the name you have chosen for these time freezes -- "The Silences.'
Things feel very episodic. Sara leads a sheltered life... she finds a way to freeze time... she's ambiguous about it... the person who gave her these powers may be dangerous... she begins a romance/friendship with Tom... frankly, I'm wondering, is this all?
Some of the dialogue comes off as expositional.
The paparazzi pic of Sarah gives the script a much needed jolt. While things are interesting, I can't say I'm engrossed by the story.
There doesn't seem to be an antagonist, nor is there really anything antagonizing going on. I think Sara's need/want/desire has to be made clearer -- she doesn't want to live a cloistered life, I get that, but what does she desperately want? And what are the obstacles preventing her from getting it?
I don't get the sense of Veda as a fully formed character and thus her role as an antagonist isn't as effective as it could be.
I suppose another kidnapping was inevitable -- to sort of bookend with the opening.
Richards and Ford, like everyone else, seem to nonchalantly accept the extraordinary phenomenon of time freezing.
I'm not clear how Beth knew that Veda was in room 465.
I'm a little lost at all the freezing and unfreezing and time jumping, but, more pertinent, I don't think the rushing to put mattresses under falling bodies really works cinematically.
I like that Sara ends up with Danny, not Tom.
* * *
Here are my general thoughts: the premise is interesting and this is certainly a unique story, but it never really engaged me. The dialogue oftentimes came across as expositional. Other than Sara, none of the characters felt fully formed. It felt very episodic. I think a much greater and more involving plot is needed. These are just my raw, first impression thoughts.