All Reviews

A quick and enjoyable read. I can't, though, say I see this as a theatrical movie -- or even a cable one. There are two locations, the interrogation room and Van's apartment. 90% of the script is someone sitting down and being interrogated, 10% is set in Van's apartment and, while there's some kinky stuff going on, I just don't think there's enough movie stuff here.

While I doubt this was your intention, I can see this working as a YouTube web series. Each segment breaks down nicely into 5-7 minute parts, so I can easily see a 10 part series here. This is just my gut reaction, so take that into my account.

Here are my thoughts on the script itself:

I think we need to see the cops at the murder scene at the beginning. Then the rounding up of the suspects, then each suspect's interrogation.

I got the sense that the dialogue is just a blueprint and the idea will be to have the actors improvise. In other words, this isn't meant to be like a Mamet script where each "..." has to be emphasized.

That said, I thought Simon and Ann-Marie's accents came off as fake. I wonder if at least one of them could be faking the accent -- and perhaps reveal their real American accent during a heated moment with the cops. I don't buy Ann-Marie's flipflop -- why would she "confess" in the first place?

I'm not sure how effective Pam and Polly looking out their peephole is... maybe it'd be better if they were neighbors across the courtyard from Van -- a la Rear Window.

I think we need a better sense of Van. Right now, all we know is he's a poor money manager, kinky, has a temper, and is a hack artist who somehow lucked out with paintings that sell.

Harry is a private investigator AND a caterer? Van leaves his money in a sock on the wall?

It might be better if we don't get the results of the lie detector tests until the end.

The story is a pager turner, it kept me compelled to the end... but I'm just not sure if it's meant for the big screen.

RTF file reads fine -- just a few minor typos here and there.