1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
characters are great.
I like the characters a lot. They make you want to follow the story. The dialogue goes on for a bit (like mentioned on others). I like the story concept as well. Keep it short and sweet for the dialogue. Good luck.
1
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
great job
I really loved this movie. I wasn't sure what to expect but it turn out to be as good as any movie I would have watched on cable. great job.
2
out of
4
people found the following review helpful:
For sci fiction fans
Good story, but not for me.
0
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
Yikes
Just so uninspired. I feel like almost all the scripts I'm reading are the same old same old!!!
0
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Good writing - boring story
I guess that's the best thing to say. It's good writing...but the dialogue isn't very impressive, the characters are kind of bland (including Blue and Graham), and I guess the whole thing seems boring to me. That's totally a personal thing of course. Some people might enjoy the murder mystery thing. I guess I didn't much like the x-men, sci-fi, made for tv feel to the whole thing. It's funny, because I'm pretty sure this isn't made for adults, yet the content (rapes, murders) is very adult. Who is the audience here? Who are you writing for?
Anyway, decent writing. Could use a better story and characters...and plot....
Anyway, decent writing. Could use a better story and characters...and plot....
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
I love titles like this, no telling what it is you're about to see/read but hoping for and getting something special
Very pacey and it keeps a tight grip on the story. The idea, although not new, is well developed.
Where the dialogue's got to hold your attention it's crisp and to the point, no verbal wastage. I can see it in my mind's eye, so it's very well written.
Where the dialogue's got to hold your attention it's crisp and to the point, no verbal wastage. I can see it in my mind's eye, so it's very well written.
3
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Very good murder mystery
If a two word explanation of this screenplay had to be made, "Touching Blue" actually would be the two words. I wont be a spoiler, but I can say that this serial killer mystery is about people with special powers tracking down one of their own, who is a killer.
The characters are developed well, we learn more about them as the story unfolds. Blue is the perfect protagonist; we become interested in her well being right off and root for her to end up with the boy she falls in love with.
The premise is not that original, but the story offers enough differences to other premises of the same genre that we can still find it refreshing. The dialogue and action are strong, and the emotional payoff, held to the very end, is worth the wait.
My opinion about the length though is that it is much too long. At 118 pages I think about ten pages could be removed and the story would be even stronger. This shouldn't be too difficult since the "trail following" is done in so many locations with repetitive types of actions.
All in all, this is a strong story with fine characters; if reduced in length so that one doesn't become a little tired in the second act, it will be five stars all around.
The characters are developed well, we learn more about them as the story unfolds. Blue is the perfect protagonist; we become interested in her well being right off and root for her to end up with the boy she falls in love with.
The premise is not that original, but the story offers enough differences to other premises of the same genre that we can still find it refreshing. The dialogue and action are strong, and the emotional payoff, held to the very end, is worth the wait.
My opinion about the length though is that it is much too long. At 118 pages I think about ten pages could be removed and the story would be even stronger. This shouldn't be too difficult since the "trail following" is done in so many locations with repetitive types of actions.
All in all, this is a strong story with fine characters; if reduced in length so that one doesn't become a little tired in the second act, it will be five stars all around.
0
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
Great premise, written well (although, too wordy for my liking), strong emotional pull (due to the strong premise), and an endinng that left my slightly underwhelmed.
14
out of
17
people found the following review helpful:
Wow, this is not for me.
EDIT: This is a pretty sharp review. I feel I should have PMd the writer rather than posted a "complete" review. I did end up PMing the writer later and we are on polite terms with each other at the very least. I personally learned a great deal reading this script that I've applied to my own writing.
Even though I am somewhat embarrassed by it, I am a person of such integrity that I wont edit it for the sake of appearing to be a nicer guy.
________________________________________________________
PREMISE: On it's face, the premise is fine. Not terribly imaginative, but solid enough for it's sub-genre.
STORY STRUCTURE: I found the story stagnant. The ACT III conclusion summarizes the circular structure where none of the character's get to "leave" the ACT I set up. I felt there was no "journey" undertaken.
CHARACTER: I was uninspired by the characters. Blue is the most glaring example in that she was passive and miserable. She had no relatable goal, save that of feeling like a normal person. That goal being dictated by the story as utterly unattainable, she had nothing to fight for or aspire to.
DIALOGUE: On the nose.
EMOTION: There is some interesting stuff going on between Blue and Taylor, but it's so on the nose and much of it unconvincing for me.
_____________________________________________________
Here are my shamelessly critical but completely honest reactions to the script as I read it:
At page 10 reader has learned that Blue is a miserable girl who helps the FBI pursue rapists in the streets, presumably because she can figure people out just by touching their belongings (Reader actually learns of her power on page 3 but writer wants to go over it again rather than find something more compelling to compliment this revelation) and that some weirdo is taking pictures of her. By the time we get to page ten we learn that she got her powers "somehow" and that her mother apparently abandoned her for no actual reason this reader can identify with (as it is only a passing reference in a V.O) - and that 8 year old boys wink at their female peers to show interest.
Page 1 is the mysterious weirdo with pictures.
2-6 is used to chase the "rapist". Reader feels that having Blue simply mention that the man being chased is a rapist is the weakest possible effort to convince the audiences of the stakes this very long scene is apparently trying to demonstrate. Objectively speaking, there are no stakes. Rather some exposition to familiarize the reader with Blue.
Then reader is subjected to pages 7-9 devoted to Blue's childhood, during which, literally - nothing is learned about how she suddenly became a "screamer" even though it's riddled with Voice Over from Blue. Even more odd when considering the fact that VO is always strictly for the audiences benefit.
Pages 9 and 10 are the obligatory INSTITUTE beats where Blue is a guinea pig with the rest of the mutants - ah, I mean - odd children or whatever. This is where reader is informed through VO that dear old mom is some kind of scumbag who doesn't care about her freak daughter. Reader suspects that is the more interesting story here, but maybe there's hope.
Reader is treated to an interesting shot of a boy igniting his thumb like a cigarette lighter, only to be shown another little boy igniting an entire barbeque to the point of overkill, to say the least. Sounds kinda' cool, as if writer is showing us the pyro-mutant ward, but reader suspects there is no pyro-mutant ward and exits the story to ask reader "why didn't lighter boy just do that?"
Let's not forget the winking eight year old boy. Reader can't fathom eight year old boys winking at their female peers. Nit-picky, yes. But completely distracted from the story none the less.
Writer often demonstrates nuances of writing for visual media, but seems to forget to demonstrate it just as often.
Blue's V.O. during the flashback to the boring been-there-seen-that institute scenes is really some of the most irrelevant use of V.O. reader has seen. Giving information about things not related to what is happening on screen. Sounds interesting, but is not. It's perplexing.
More winking? Who winks at people they don't know?
More winking... As Norman waits in line. At least it's appropriate this time.
By page 26 the reader is shocked by the amount of superfluous, un-filmable action lines in a winning script. How shocking!
By page 29 there's plenty of clarification about what exactly Blue's powers are good for (as if the reader hasn't been exposed to that already) and what a nuisance it can be, what the rubber cloak is for (just in case the reader hasn't got enough sense to work that out on his/her own), that Spencer has a missing niece (and that Blue thinks men are hopeless, hormone driven jerks), but there is no indication of conflict for the closing of the first act.
________________
As if on cue, Graham comes out of the bathroom...
________________
As if on cue? The very embodiment of superfluous. It's on cue. Writer wrote it into the script. Reader feels frustrated over this kind of writing, which, in part, seems to be causing page 10 to be completely stalled out and floundering around on page 28 where something should be HAPPENING!
Page 32 is the simply riveting revelation that - Blue is a miserable girl that helps the FBI solve murder mysteries - not just chase rapists.
Blue has not been presented with any new objective, personal challenges save that of standing in line for an ice cream cone. Reader does understand Blue is a screamer and simply waiting in line for an ice cream could lead to a painful and embarrassing moment - but that's it for the first act, huh? Also, Blue and this mutant investigation team flew from New York to Ohio to investigate the murder of - some woman (I hope I'm not wrong about this. but, seriously, I don't recall any meaningful info about the importance of this particular murder mystery).
Act One feels like a cliched episodic, with an utterly reactionary main character. At best, a Lifetime movie, the writer of which demonstrates such empathy for his main character that he forgot to give her a definable challenge.
___________________________________________________
Blue looks at him. Sadness in her eyes.
___________________________________________________
Yes, I get it. Could we get to the story now? Has writer heard of "The Pope in the Pool". This screenplay is in desperate need of some Pope in the Pool action.
I wanted to stop reading this script, but got through it on principle.
My opinions about the story do not improve. There are some good moments here and there, but nothing that lasts more than a line or two for me.
I would strongly suggest a page one rewrite that includes a pro-active Blue, zero fellow mutants, and a riveting antagonist for Blue to defeat.
But, what do I know?
Even though I am somewhat embarrassed by it, I am a person of such integrity that I wont edit it for the sake of appearing to be a nicer guy.
________________________________________________________
PREMISE: On it's face, the premise is fine. Not terribly imaginative, but solid enough for it's sub-genre.
STORY STRUCTURE: I found the story stagnant. The ACT III conclusion summarizes the circular structure where none of the character's get to "leave" the ACT I set up. I felt there was no "journey" undertaken.
CHARACTER: I was uninspired by the characters. Blue is the most glaring example in that she was passive and miserable. She had no relatable goal, save that of feeling like a normal person. That goal being dictated by the story as utterly unattainable, she had nothing to fight for or aspire to.
DIALOGUE: On the nose.
EMOTION: There is some interesting stuff going on between Blue and Taylor, but it's so on the nose and much of it unconvincing for me.
_____________________________________________________
Here are my shamelessly critical but completely honest reactions to the script as I read it:
At page 10 reader has learned that Blue is a miserable girl who helps the FBI pursue rapists in the streets, presumably because she can figure people out just by touching their belongings (Reader actually learns of her power on page 3 but writer wants to go over it again rather than find something more compelling to compliment this revelation) and that some weirdo is taking pictures of her. By the time we get to page ten we learn that she got her powers "somehow" and that her mother apparently abandoned her for no actual reason this reader can identify with (as it is only a passing reference in a V.O) - and that 8 year old boys wink at their female peers to show interest.
Page 1 is the mysterious weirdo with pictures.
2-6 is used to chase the "rapist". Reader feels that having Blue simply mention that the man being chased is a rapist is the weakest possible effort to convince the audiences of the stakes this very long scene is apparently trying to demonstrate. Objectively speaking, there are no stakes. Rather some exposition to familiarize the reader with Blue.
Then reader is subjected to pages 7-9 devoted to Blue's childhood, during which, literally - nothing is learned about how she suddenly became a "screamer" even though it's riddled with Voice Over from Blue. Even more odd when considering the fact that VO is always strictly for the audiences benefit.
Pages 9 and 10 are the obligatory INSTITUTE beats where Blue is a guinea pig with the rest of the mutants - ah, I mean - odd children or whatever. This is where reader is informed through VO that dear old mom is some kind of scumbag who doesn't care about her freak daughter. Reader suspects that is the more interesting story here, but maybe there's hope.
Reader is treated to an interesting shot of a boy igniting his thumb like a cigarette lighter, only to be shown another little boy igniting an entire barbeque to the point of overkill, to say the least. Sounds kinda' cool, as if writer is showing us the pyro-mutant ward, but reader suspects there is no pyro-mutant ward and exits the story to ask reader "why didn't lighter boy just do that?"
Let's not forget the winking eight year old boy. Reader can't fathom eight year old boys winking at their female peers. Nit-picky, yes. But completely distracted from the story none the less.
Writer often demonstrates nuances of writing for visual media, but seems to forget to demonstrate it just as often.
Blue's V.O. during the flashback to the boring been-there-seen-that institute scenes is really some of the most irrelevant use of V.O. reader has seen. Giving information about things not related to what is happening on screen. Sounds interesting, but is not. It's perplexing.
More winking? Who winks at people they don't know?
More winking... As Norman waits in line. At least it's appropriate this time.
By page 26 the reader is shocked by the amount of superfluous, un-filmable action lines in a winning script. How shocking!
By page 29 there's plenty of clarification about what exactly Blue's powers are good for (as if the reader hasn't been exposed to that already) and what a nuisance it can be, what the rubber cloak is for (just in case the reader hasn't got enough sense to work that out on his/her own), that Spencer has a missing niece (and that Blue thinks men are hopeless, hormone driven jerks), but there is no indication of conflict for the closing of the first act.
________________
As if on cue, Graham comes out of the bathroom...
________________
As if on cue? The very embodiment of superfluous. It's on cue. Writer wrote it into the script. Reader feels frustrated over this kind of writing, which, in part, seems to be causing page 10 to be completely stalled out and floundering around on page 28 where something should be HAPPENING!
Page 32 is the simply riveting revelation that - Blue is a miserable girl that helps the FBI solve murder mysteries - not just chase rapists.
Blue has not been presented with any new objective, personal challenges save that of standing in line for an ice cream cone. Reader does understand Blue is a screamer and simply waiting in line for an ice cream could lead to a painful and embarrassing moment - but that's it for the first act, huh? Also, Blue and this mutant investigation team flew from New York to Ohio to investigate the murder of - some woman (I hope I'm not wrong about this. but, seriously, I don't recall any meaningful info about the importance of this particular murder mystery).
Act One feels like a cliched episodic, with an utterly reactionary main character. At best, a Lifetime movie, the writer of which demonstrates such empathy for his main character that he forgot to give her a definable challenge.
___________________________________________________
Blue looks at him. Sadness in her eyes.
___________________________________________________
Yes, I get it. Could we get to the story now? Has writer heard of "The Pope in the Pool". This screenplay is in desperate need of some Pope in the Pool action.
I wanted to stop reading this script, but got through it on principle.
My opinions about the story do not improve. There are some good moments here and there, but nothing that lasts more than a line or two for me.
I would strongly suggest a page one rewrite that includes a pro-active Blue, zero fellow mutants, and a riveting antagonist for Blue to defeat.
But, what do I know?
2
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Excellent Writing and Story
I thought it would have been a bit better if she was the sole special talent, rather than having "screamers" in general. Seemed a bit too xmen for me.
Otherwise, this should be produced. I was hooked by the intro, catching of the rapist. I understood what was going on at just the right time.
Writing was excellent. Very smooth. I was able to get into images right away without having to think about the writing.
Otherwise, this should be produced. I was hooked by the intro, catching of the rapist. I understood what was going on at just the right time.
Writing was excellent. Very smooth. I was able to get into images right away without having to think about the writing.
Reviews for
Winner: Best Sci-Fi/Action Script
Finalist: Best Script, Best Sci-Fi/Action Script
Semifinalist: Best Script, Best Sci-Fi/Action Script
