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Jamster’s 1st draft

I read the added parts and skimmed the rest.

Pg #1

“HOODED MAN (V.O.)
…Children ask ‗how old are you, are you a God?‘”
God should be lower case when describing multiple gods.

Pg#2
“...But I have witnessed others. And within these pages… fables… myths… many such things I have witnessed....”
He should not call what he is declaring to be true and witnessed account a “fable...myth.”
These are both terms for false or incredible accounts. He is contradicting himself.

I found instances of the Hooded man at the beginning and the end and one brief instance in the middle, which is fine. However, it might work better if the hooded man turns out to be a character that is featured throughout such as the doctor, Drusis. That may give more credence to his tale.

I get the idea of having the framing device. I’ve done it in plays, it can be effective. I think the age setting (ancient Rome) of this tale is so far removed from the audience (modern world) that it will not do what they usually do, which is to bring a sense of reality and plausibility to a tale because it was witnessed. I don’t think it is successful here and just slows the story.

The remainder of the play seems a slightly trimmed version of the original. It really doesn’t seem to address the AS notes.

I give it about the same rating as the original, which I give 3 stars.

I don't see what the framing device/narrator adds to the story, although I liked the poetic "voice" of the narrator.

Other than this, changes seem very minimal and fail to address the AS story notes.

Just think of how awesome your already awesome draft of ZvG would be if you spent 48 hours on it! Mind blown!