All Reviews

i havent' read many scripts here on amazon yet, but this is by far the best i've encountered.
extremely smart and skillfully written. you clearly understand story structure and created strong, believable leads. i'd be pressed to find anything i don't like about this. i'd honestly have to read it again to be nit-picky.

so, i'll stick to these two generic criticisms, and i'm sure you've heard them (and are sick of hearing them) already:

1. the title. while it is actually the perfect title for this story, it's too soon and too close to Children of Men. maybe that won't be an issue for television, but i'd really love to see this as a feature.

which brings me to my next criticism:

2. while this would make a fantastic television series, and i know you wrote it with that in mind, i think it's too reminiscent of V. of course, it's very different, but we've just had V, and then Fallen Skies. it's a tricky time for alien invasion tv shows. unless they are drastically different. and with the hybrid nature of these characters, it's too close to the Starchild in V. again, none of this is an issue if this is a straight feature film. which, i think it should be.

soo, that's it. this is a fantastic story, and better yet, it's a fantastic script.
-pete

This was a very creepy and very well fashioned concept that delighted me the further I went. I certainly felt the dread of Skylar and Dillion through nearly every twist to their pregnancy. I feel that this script is a tad long, and as I read it there are moments that really make the script enjoyable, but would be a tad redundant when it comes to showing this to a live audience. The build is incredible however, it is a tad long and might do better edited for a shorter version closer to 100 pages.

I feel that this story flows extremely well at the beginning, it starts off a bit slow and has an intro that is a bit more than just tired, but it caught my attention enough to give it a chance. The second act of the script (Skylars pregnancy) was yet again fairly well fashioned and I enjoyed the underlying creepiness of it. And for the third and final act I felt that as an audience i spent too much time at the camp. Albeit fun for production designers, I have never felt it good to spend as much time there for as an audience member I like to have a broader spectrum of environments.

Thirdly, I could not get the character "Skylar" out of my head from Breaking Bad and kept hearing Walt's Voice from the same show while reading this script. I felt that it was written with those two characters in mind and they are strangely written with nearly the same personalities. Maybe a change in name character could avoid this for other readers or people who are going to be reading this script.

Overall a strangely dark and entertaining thrill, and while it maintains loyal to its genre, it could be reinforced with a stronger and more resolute finish and possibly the death of both Nick and Dillon.

The basic concept of this script is pretty good -- alien invasion via pregnancy -- but, as written, it doesn't pay off. I think the script has a few of major issues:

1. It is past page 40 by the time anything interesting happens. Up till then it is just a couple of people trying to get pregnant, then dealing with the pregnancy. There are only minor hints of where the story is going (a couple of news reports, some dreams). No one in Hollywood would consider making a science-fiction action movie that runs for 40 minutes with nothing happening.

2. After page 45 or so, the story devolves into generic people-trying-to-escape-evil-government-agency. Nothing about the premise really plays much of a role, except that occasionally an alien conveniently pops up when needed. Compare this script to, for example, CHILDREN OF MEN, which was set in a much more interesting world, and there were at least two different groups, with different motives, chasing the protagonists. For this story to be unique, you need to explore your world -- a world in which groups of aliens are both planning and fighting against an invasion.

3. The characters seem under-movitated. Skyler spends the first half of the script fretting that her baby isn't going to be normal, then switches abruptly to protecting what she knows to be an abnormal baby at all costs. Similarly, Dillon wants a baby at all costs, and is ecstatic about the pregnancy, even though he knows the baby isn't normal, until suddenly he doesn't want it anymore, even to the point of betraying his wife.

My recommendation would be to dump the first 40 pages and start the story much later. For example, take a page or two to establish your (pregnant) protagonist then, as she walks up to the fertility clinic for a test, it explodes. Once you get things going, plunge much deeper into the world the premise advertises. As it stands the premise is never adequately explored nor paid off.

Let me start off by saying that I didn't want to stop reading it. I read the whole screenplay straight through once yesterday, and I was highly entertained. I would see this movie! The only constructive criticism I have would be to work on some of the dialog a bit more. If read aloud there are spots that the characters either fall out of character or it just doesn't make sense for them to say it. For example, when Winters swears, it just doesn't sound right. Not that he shouldn't swear, but the exact wording doesn't work. There are other spots, but not having the script in front of me to quote makes it difficult. Other than this, it was fast paced and interesting. Well done.

Updated: Okay, I found one example. Winters: "Stand mother-fucking down!" doesn't sound right, where, "Stand the fuck down!" does. In my humble opinion, little things like this will strengthen the characters.

Pretty good script that piqued my interest and made me wonder how things were going to end up, but has a couple of problems.

A lot of time is spent talking about and trying to get Skylar pregnant without really defining the characters and their relationships with eachother.

It took a little too long before things started getting going.

Skylar and Dillon seemed to take the news from the doctor of the alien hybrid race plan a little too well. I think they should have been a lot more upset than they were, with Dillion about to punch the doctor and then is calmed down.

Also I think Dillion and Skylar should have had a lot more conflict on who to trust more, the aliens or the government, not knowing who they can really trust, but eventually deciding to trust the aliens, or at least not knowing if they could fully trust the aliens, but knew that they would definitely be worse off if they went to the government.

Dillon's eventual betrayal should have been setup through out the screenplay. Shawshank Redemption is a good example. This would create an, "uh huh", moment when the audience would put the pieces of the puzzle of all the clues together.

Some of the dialogue wasn't very realistic. Like the dialogue of the Rangers and Winters, for example, didn't seem like something people would say, though I have seen that kind of dialogue in movies before, but it doesn't mean that doesn't need work or couldn't be improved upon.

Otherwise, it was a pretty enjoyable read, and a solid page turner after page 30 or so.

I enjoyed this script a lot. It reminded of of Alien Nation or any sci-fi movie that mixes aliens with our society, and the xenophobia that comes with it.

My favourite parts would have to be the car wash scene and the scene in the diner. Those had some very good elements. I would also have to include the scene with Evan Winters shocking Dr. Zen without mercy. It showed a lot of character in such a small scene.

If there were any problems, it would be some of the pacing. Especially in the montage of the eleven weeks, I felt it dragged a little bit and should be shortened.

The dialogue was a bit stilted in some areas, with characters saying how they felt right then and there. At times I felt there were too many characters and I had trouble keeping up.

Overall, a very good script that has a lot of potential. It's a very good story and makes room for a potential trilogy even.

Finally got around to reading this winning script. Now know why it won, why it stands above the rest.

You've created a visual poem! This was the fastest read of any script I've ever read. It's immersive, a subtle hypnotic dance of life, emotion and thoughtfulness. "Starman" with a reality infusion. It may sound strange given the storyline to suggest that it rings with reality, but these characters came to life.

I guess I should just Thank You for allowing me to read it, for writing it -- What a creation -- Birth!

My heading for this entry is an alternative to your title, the current title sounds too similar to a very recent movie; even though the title works very well. So just a suggestion.

Script format is truly lovely, flows beautifully, allows the reader to fly. My hat's off to you!

I can't wait to sit down in that darkened theater, and enjoy.

Congratulations,
Patrick McConnell
generasp@yahoo.com

Children of others has a "feel of reality" quality that leaves you feeling it was a true story you've just learned about in a documentary. It even makes references to common events of the 1960s reporting arrival of aliens, which is well worked into the script.

I found myself rooting for Skylar and her child even when I wasn't sure whether they were good guys or bad guys. And if they were bad--I think I would have still rooted for them!

Only comment, if it can even be considered worthwhile, is that there were several words left out or left in, most likely during a rewrite of those sentences - I believe though that there are very few of us that can throw stones at that one.

Excellent script.

The believability factor in sci-fi is always tough, but you did a great job drawing us into Skylar and Dillon's nightmare. As wild as the premise is, it was totally fun, imaginative and creepy (in a good way). Your structure is also very tight. This could be the modern day Rosemary's Baby. Well done.