All Reviews

I loved this script. Adorable idea. Do another draft and get this thing over to Bruce Campbell. Hey, he was great as Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep; he'd make a hilarious Franklin-as-action-hero.

My biggest issue is w/ the dialogue. It's extremely verbose, with characters often stating what we can see onscreen, or restating what we just saw happen in the previous scene. Remember the old rule - if we can see it, don't say it.

Also the length - at 118 pages it oughta be a drama. As a comedy it really ought to clock in at around 90 minutes, especially given the stock characters with limited development. The irreverent humor is great, reminded me of South Park or an SNL skit, but there's a reason those things are brief. Like Washington is so one-dimensional and obvious that he's kind of a one-joke character and then we have no further interest in him. Try to make him a tad more intriguing or complicated, even if we still think he's an arrogant jerk.

Good job including Samuel and bringing slavery and race into this because it would be silly to avoid it, but he still feels especially like a stock character, with 90% of his jokes being "white people" jokes. He starts to feel one-note similar to Washington. What else can be done w/ him to keep him directly involved with the plot and not just commenting on the "white folks'" antics? Keep him fresh. Like maybe he's an uber-Malcolm X character plotting his own revolution, and he's pissed at the British because he thinks their claim that if blacks fight for the British they'll be given freedom, is a lie. Also he sees how cruel and mean they are to the WHITE folks - how the hell will they treat the slaves? Lots of opps here to use history better and still keep me laughing my a** off.

Overall great job.

I don't normally rate scripts unless I feel moved to do so. I have read so many scripts on this site that read more like a shooting script instead of the proper format (e.g. "we see" "zoom in" "cut to")

Yours was properly formatted. The action is just as humorous as the dialogue. (e.g. the scene where Franklin doesn't stop "General Bright" from putting the catheter in his mouth...bruhahaha) I'm reading this one again.

I wish you the best Jason and I hope this gets picked up! I'm a very discriminating movie goer and rarely venture outside of my house to the theater because of the CRAP they make these days and call "entertainment" but this would certainly get my 10 bucks.

I look forward to reading your other work.

P.S.

I have more of a question than a criticism about your format. I see you do what I do and that's you use (Cont'd) see I'm beginning to wonder if its necessary. Its obvious that the character is still in the same scene and speaking because there is no scene change so is it necessary? Ive stopped using it. Just curious is all. Oh and also the underlining of bits of dialogue to emphasize the word...I have started to capitalize the word although I think that's probably not good. Perhaps italicize? Just wondering what your thoughts are on the matter.

In any case good job. I loved it! It was very funny!

...at how cliched and juvenile this script is. It opens with the end of Apocalypse Now. Enjoy judges.

Totally original idea. Love it. Some of the jokes are hit and miss, but there are so many laugh out loud moments that make up for a few of the misses. I've been reading several of the "comedy" scripts on Amazon Studios, and this is the one that made me laugh the most so far. I question the commercial appeal as others have mentioned, but this is one of those love it or hate it scripts. If the reader "gets it," then they will find it hilarious. Good job.

My initial attraction to this project was fired by the title and all that Ben Franklin means to US history. He was a genious and knowledgable in so many fields. A lover of women and of music - charming the former with the latter and a great inventor and inovator. Trying to imagine this sophisticated man, aged seventy saying: "A bullet a day keeps the motherfuckers at bay" stops my appreciation in its tracks. The script is glib, formulaic and displays a sadly corrupted intelligence. There is a good movie to made of Ben Franklin and his inventions, but I hope to God that this is not it.

Nice work.