3
out of
3
people found the following review helpful:
Funnier than Shaun of the Dead!
6
out of
7
people found the following review helpful:
Very Cool Concept
Premise
I found Stevens screenplay SHOOT the DEAD an original and unique concept. It was an entertaining twist to the usual Zombie movies. It combines several movie elements together successfully. Two brothers who rip off the mob and find themselves on the run from Satan is different in a fun way.
Structure
It has a strong three act structure and is very well paced. It is pretty straight forward. You get a very clear vision of what the story is about. The set up was quick and the story was easy to follow.
Characters
Two brothers Jack and Billy were the main characters. They were engaging and life like. The story goal was easily brought to life by their interaction with each other. They have several scenes that are funny and make them likeable.
Stakes
The stakes very high and clear. The two brothers have stolen from the mob and the mob which is comprised of assorted vampires demons and zombies made the stakes even higher as the two brothers try to escape the gangster world and start a new life.
Dialogue
They main part of the story takes place in England. I am not that familiar with British phrases. But Steven gives you enough back ground that you get the idea behind their meaning. It's almost a learning experience. Nathan James dialogue was spot on., The dialogue between the brothers gave them both likable personalities.
Genre Conventions
Shoot the Dead blends two genres together real well. In a Zombie vs. Gangster kind of way. It is not your usual zombie movie but it is written well enough that Steven puts the two together in a way that makes one wonder why someone had not thought of this before.
Visual Style
Steven is very thorough in his visual wording. I found myself first in a Mexican desert. Then in London and finally in an English country side. His action description is complete. Steven gives you a very real sense of what a Zombie attack would be like.
Cinematic Value
I feel Shoot the Dead has a very high Cinematic Value because of the scare and gore factor. It also adds humor, albeit dark humor, but I believe it would be a fun movie to watch.
Steven Has a very good idea here. The explanation of the zombies coming to life because an ancient Demon was once turned to stone. The head of that Demon was uncovered and has the power to raise the dead. This to me is a very cool way to bring the dead back to earth because you get the sense that all hell is coming behind them.
I enjoyed this story very much and I hope to see it in the theatres soon.
I found Stevens screenplay SHOOT the DEAD an original and unique concept. It was an entertaining twist to the usual Zombie movies. It combines several movie elements together successfully. Two brothers who rip off the mob and find themselves on the run from Satan is different in a fun way.
Structure
It has a strong three act structure and is very well paced. It is pretty straight forward. You get a very clear vision of what the story is about. The set up was quick and the story was easy to follow.
Characters
Two brothers Jack and Billy were the main characters. They were engaging and life like. The story goal was easily brought to life by their interaction with each other. They have several scenes that are funny and make them likeable.
Stakes
The stakes very high and clear. The two brothers have stolen from the mob and the mob which is comprised of assorted vampires demons and zombies made the stakes even higher as the two brothers try to escape the gangster world and start a new life.
Dialogue
They main part of the story takes place in England. I am not that familiar with British phrases. But Steven gives you enough back ground that you get the idea behind their meaning. It's almost a learning experience. Nathan James dialogue was spot on., The dialogue between the brothers gave them both likable personalities.
Genre Conventions
Shoot the Dead blends two genres together real well. In a Zombie vs. Gangster kind of way. It is not your usual zombie movie but it is written well enough that Steven puts the two together in a way that makes one wonder why someone had not thought of this before.
Visual Style
Steven is very thorough in his visual wording. I found myself first in a Mexican desert. Then in London and finally in an English country side. His action description is complete. Steven gives you a very real sense of what a Zombie attack would be like.
Cinematic Value
I feel Shoot the Dead has a very high Cinematic Value because of the scare and gore factor. It also adds humor, albeit dark humor, but I believe it would be a fun movie to watch.
Steven Has a very good idea here. The explanation of the zombies coming to life because an ancient Demon was once turned to stone. The head of that Demon was uncovered and has the power to raise the dead. This to me is a very cool way to bring the dead back to earth because you get the sense that all hell is coming behind them.
I enjoyed this story very much and I hope to see it in the theatres soon.
2
out of
2
people found the following review helpful:
cockneys versus zombies
It's a bit like Snatched meets Dusk 'til Dawn. This film has vampires, zombies and demons, so it gives you value for money in the monster department. It's more of a fantasy adventure than a straight horror, with lots of comedy, but not quite up to Shaun of the Dead or Zombie Land standard. The English Countryside is a great setting for a monster flick, and one we don't see too often in modern zombie films.
My big criticism is that there doesn't seem to be any women in th e script! (Except for two that don't talk much) and I couldn't tell what decade the film was set in (they drive a capri and there are no mobile phones, etc, which seems quite 80's, Though, on the other hand, there is a seemingly shoe-horned reference to a webcam and Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)
It's a fun concept, a horror adventure that puts me in mind of films like Demon Knight and Evil Dead. With snappy dialog and plenty of quirky kills.
My big criticism is that there doesn't seem to be any women in th e script! (Except for two that don't talk much) and I couldn't tell what decade the film was set in (they drive a capri and there are no mobile phones, etc, which seems quite 80's, Though, on the other hand, there is a seemingly shoe-horned reference to a webcam and Buffy The Vampire Slayer.)
It's a fun concept, a horror adventure that puts me in mind of films like Demon Knight and Evil Dead. With snappy dialog and plenty of quirky kills.
1
out of
1
people found the following review helpful:
You Got Your Zombie Movie in My Gangster Flick!
Finalist: Best Test Movie, Best Script
Semifinalist: Best Test Movie, Best Script
J. M.
Top Reviewer
September 08, 2011
"Shoot the Dead" reminded me of another great genre-blender of a flick, "From Dusk 'Til Dawn", but instead of the Tarantino effect on the Vampire movie, this is the Guy Ritchie effect on the Zombie movie. With some vampires thrown in. It really is a healthy dose of mythos and genres packed into this baby, and it works, either because of or in spite of it's huge ambition, depending on how you like your action, horror, and crime scrambled. Sprawling and chaotic, yet nice and compact at the same time.
The weakness of the script is it's formatting and descriptions. I, just a guy reading it, wasn't bothered by the formatting - it didn't break the flow of the story for me. But a script-reader for a studio would find it to be a fatal flaw. Putting the rules of screenwriting out of my head, the story was easy to take in.
I'm torn on the huge blocks of description. Much of it is necessary, but can be broken up into sentences rather than the whole thing being packed into a huge paragraph. Some of the descriptions were excessive, but very effective. Probably should lose some of it in a rewrite. It does paint a vivid picture, but the goal is to be as efficient with words as possible. Again, just a guy taking in the story, it worked wonderfully, now it just needs to be bent and twisted into a more traditional screenplay.
Those issues aside, I gotta say that this is an enjoyable trip through a well defined and imagined noir underworld. That beaten down, world-weary narration that I imagine Jason Statham oozing out as Jack. I love the anti-heroes he and Billy turn out to be. Not even any honor among thieves, but yet you root for them to be the best crooks they can be. They are tasked with delivering things of value, and in the process think to themselves "what's so valuable about this, and why should I just hand it over?" I wouldn't trust these guys, but they're true to their characters. Gritty, brutal, and willing to do their worst just so they can say that they're not anyone's lackey.
The action is awesome in this. You know what you don't see alot of in a zombie movie? Hand to hand combat with a zombie. Most zombie movies treat them like an infection, so they fight at a distance with guns or at best bats, shovels, etc. Here, we get zombies gut-punched and beat down. Nice. Of course, there's plenty of shotgun blasts to the zombie noggin to keep things moving along.
The story structure is deceptive in this. Since it's got a hybrid monster/gangster core, it's able to revel in that gangster world for most of the first act, putting a majority of the supernatural elements in the 2nd act. It would have been a mistake to turn it directly into a zombie movie at the moment of inciting incident. With this being a gangster flick first, the structure is rock solid.
Overall, I'd say this is a great premise with a clear vision of how the writer wants it to look, feel, and sound. It's a great blueprint for what's to come, but needs some technical work done to bring it more in line with screenplay standards. But like the protagonists, this gets the job done even if it breaks all the rules.
The weakness of the script is it's formatting and descriptions. I, just a guy reading it, wasn't bothered by the formatting - it didn't break the flow of the story for me. But a script-reader for a studio would find it to be a fatal flaw. Putting the rules of screenwriting out of my head, the story was easy to take in.
I'm torn on the huge blocks of description. Much of it is necessary, but can be broken up into sentences rather than the whole thing being packed into a huge paragraph. Some of the descriptions were excessive, but very effective. Probably should lose some of it in a rewrite. It does paint a vivid picture, but the goal is to be as efficient with words as possible. Again, just a guy taking in the story, it worked wonderfully, now it just needs to be bent and twisted into a more traditional screenplay.
Those issues aside, I gotta say that this is an enjoyable trip through a well defined and imagined noir underworld. That beaten down, world-weary narration that I imagine Jason Statham oozing out as Jack. I love the anti-heroes he and Billy turn out to be. Not even any honor among thieves, but yet you root for them to be the best crooks they can be. They are tasked with delivering things of value, and in the process think to themselves "what's so valuable about this, and why should I just hand it over?" I wouldn't trust these guys, but they're true to their characters. Gritty, brutal, and willing to do their worst just so they can say that they're not anyone's lackey.
The action is awesome in this. You know what you don't see alot of in a zombie movie? Hand to hand combat with a zombie. Most zombie movies treat them like an infection, so they fight at a distance with guns or at best bats, shovels, etc. Here, we get zombies gut-punched and beat down. Nice. Of course, there's plenty of shotgun blasts to the zombie noggin to keep things moving along.
The story structure is deceptive in this. Since it's got a hybrid monster/gangster core, it's able to revel in that gangster world for most of the first act, putting a majority of the supernatural elements in the 2nd act. It would have been a mistake to turn it directly into a zombie movie at the moment of inciting incident. With this being a gangster flick first, the structure is rock solid.
Overall, I'd say this is a great premise with a clear vision of how the writer wants it to look, feel, and sound. It's a great blueprint for what's to come, but needs some technical work done to bring it more in line with screenplay standards. But like the protagonists, this gets the job done even if it breaks all the rules.
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Crafty writing
Winner: Best Trailer
Finalist: Best Trailer
Semifinalist: Best Test Movie, Best Trailer
Justin M Buettner
Top Reviewer
Folsom
September 10, 2011
First off, you write extremely well. Your descriptions to set scenes is done extremely well. Perhaps one of the best I've read. Well done!
I think this script has the potential to be great and extremely funny! I do think it's a draft or two away though. If you do write more drafts here are a few ideas I came up with while reading it. If you like any of them then great, but if you don't that's all right too. You have a good script so these suggestions are just one huy's opinion so take them for what they are worth.
1) I don't think Billy and Jack should have the plan to rip off the mob from the start. I don't think they should kill the henchmen either. It would be funnier if they are a couple of idiots that Mr. James kept employed because they were so stupid they never knew what was going on around them. When the henchmen try and kill Billy and Jack in a double cross, they accidently kill themselves leaving the door open for the idiot brothers to steal the money.
2) I think Billy and Jack should have a specific dream that they want to do with the money. It can be rediculous but it would say something about their characters. It could be anything from opening a record store that only sells 8 tracks because they were higher quality to starting a surf shop with their own special twists on surf boards.
3) They use guns to stop the creatures too much. You can come up with creative twists that they try to stop the creatures from movies they saw. For instance when the vampire is attacking Jack it would be funny if Billy finds a vase with some brown water and says a prayer over it before throwing it on them. Of course it doesn't work, but it would be funny. Same with the Zombie kills. I liked when he got the saw. What if he just ran around and chopped off all the legs on the zombies leaving them to crawl. As he starts running away the zombies begin throwing their feet at him. Stuff like that.
4) You don't use enough tention in your scenes. I think you use a lot of gore and disgust in your scenes, but there are a lot of moments in the script when you could mix in more tension while they are waiting for the zombies and monsters. Plus I would like to see the attacks from more original places. I think it would be shocking and original if they were waiting for the Zombies to come through the front door and one crashes through the roof. It would cause a jump and then the characters comments about the fall could be funny.
5) I did not like Mr. James coming through on the TV. It was strange and didn't do anything for the story for me. I like his appearance at the end but I felt that Mr. James has to be defeated by the brothers, not Satan. I thought it was too easy for the brothers to just shoot the statue too. It might be fun if after defeating Mr. James the devil brings the brothers down to hell and they negotiate a deal with the devil for the statue, but they negotiate for stupid things. Something along those lines. Just an idea.
Great work and I hope you succeed! I am following the project and will be eager to read whatever else you post.
I think this script has the potential to be great and extremely funny! I do think it's a draft or two away though. If you do write more drafts here are a few ideas I came up with while reading it. If you like any of them then great, but if you don't that's all right too. You have a good script so these suggestions are just one huy's opinion so take them for what they are worth.
1) I don't think Billy and Jack should have the plan to rip off the mob from the start. I don't think they should kill the henchmen either. It would be funnier if they are a couple of idiots that Mr. James kept employed because they were so stupid they never knew what was going on around them. When the henchmen try and kill Billy and Jack in a double cross, they accidently kill themselves leaving the door open for the idiot brothers to steal the money.
2) I think Billy and Jack should have a specific dream that they want to do with the money. It can be rediculous but it would say something about their characters. It could be anything from opening a record store that only sells 8 tracks because they were higher quality to starting a surf shop with their own special twists on surf boards.
3) They use guns to stop the creatures too much. You can come up with creative twists that they try to stop the creatures from movies they saw. For instance when the vampire is attacking Jack it would be funny if Billy finds a vase with some brown water and says a prayer over it before throwing it on them. Of course it doesn't work, but it would be funny. Same with the Zombie kills. I liked when he got the saw. What if he just ran around and chopped off all the legs on the zombies leaving them to crawl. As he starts running away the zombies begin throwing their feet at him. Stuff like that.
4) You don't use enough tention in your scenes. I think you use a lot of gore and disgust in your scenes, but there are a lot of moments in the script when you could mix in more tension while they are waiting for the zombies and monsters. Plus I would like to see the attacks from more original places. I think it would be shocking and original if they were waiting for the Zombies to come through the front door and one crashes through the roof. It would cause a jump and then the characters comments about the fall could be funny.
5) I did not like Mr. James coming through on the TV. It was strange and didn't do anything for the story for me. I like his appearance at the end but I felt that Mr. James has to be defeated by the brothers, not Satan. I thought it was too easy for the brothers to just shoot the statue too. It might be fun if after defeating Mr. James the devil brings the brothers down to hell and they negotiate a deal with the devil for the statue, but they negotiate for stupid things. Something along those lines. Just an idea.
Great work and I hope you succeed! I am following the project and will be eager to read whatever else you post.
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
That's a hell of a lot of words in great big blocks.
I'll get to the wordage thing in a minute, but let me mention this before I forget.
Opening in 20's Mexico; I don't really see how it fits since Demarco doesn't appear again. Maybe show the devil hands reclaiming him into the pits of hell -or- use him instead of Mr. James.
Formatting errors. It's probably just computer/software issues that I'm seeing, but at random points through out the thing there's spacing and font issues. I feel for you; my pdf's come out great, but my MAC can't do RTF's worth crap.
Ok, the wordage issue.
1) Imagery overload--at times you're too invested in this one five-second backdrop. It's absolutely lovely the way you describe it, but it needs to be quicker.
2)Paragraphs-- designate a block to one aspect and then establish a new block for the next idea/event. This will keep your story moving down the page, and it'll help you keep track of how much attention you're devoting to something.
3)Visuals only-- limit your descriptions to what's on screen. Sometimes you mention things that watcher will never know (like the absence of Dr' Stone's facial expressions).
Characters...I like the Brother's disposition; one's not overly dominate or overly stupid, but I can't tell them apart either. Mr James he's snarky, but then if the boys had the upper hand they'd be that way too. The lot at Mickey's--now that's a group of characters!
Hope this helps,
Christina
I saw you were looking for a swap. Mine's The Miati I'd appreciate your thoughts.
Opening in 20's Mexico; I don't really see how it fits since Demarco doesn't appear again. Maybe show the devil hands reclaiming him into the pits of hell -or- use him instead of Mr. James.
Formatting errors. It's probably just computer/software issues that I'm seeing, but at random points through out the thing there's spacing and font issues. I feel for you; my pdf's come out great, but my MAC can't do RTF's worth crap.
Ok, the wordage issue.
1) Imagery overload--at times you're too invested in this one five-second backdrop. It's absolutely lovely the way you describe it, but it needs to be quicker.
2)Paragraphs-- designate a block to one aspect and then establish a new block for the next idea/event. This will keep your story moving down the page, and it'll help you keep track of how much attention you're devoting to something.
3)Visuals only-- limit your descriptions to what's on screen. Sometimes you mention things that watcher will never know (like the absence of Dr' Stone's facial expressions).
Characters...I like the Brother's disposition; one's not overly dominate or overly stupid, but I can't tell them apart either. Mr James he's snarky, but then if the boys had the upper hand they'd be that way too. The lot at Mickey's--now that's a group of characters!
Hope this helps,
Christina
I saw you were looking for a swap. Mine's The Miati I'd appreciate your thoughts.
0
out of
0
people found the following review helpful:
Brilliant and inventive, loved it.
Being from London myself I could relate to a lot of the cockney slang and phrases, very amusing.
The descriptive is very well written and graphic (which I loved). I found it hard reading at times though because the descriptive is in blocks(I thinks it's something that can be easily changed), but that didn't stop me from enjoying the story.
The main characters bounce off each other really well.
Zombie movies and obviously The Walking Dead are popular these days, and to see a new twist in the zombie genre is very refreshing to see.
The descriptive is very well written and graphic (which I loved). I found it hard reading at times though because the descriptive is in blocks(I thinks it's something that can be easily changed), but that didn't stop me from enjoying the story.
The main characters bounce off each other really well.
Zombie movies and obviously The Walking Dead are popular these days, and to see a new twist in the zombie genre is very refreshing to see.
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This does seem like a first script though, not following basic rules of format. It's all over the place and undisciplined. But, could be an easy fix for you. '
Is this a first script for you?
The material is there and your descriptions are excellent! Wish I could do it as well, to be honest. Check out The Screenwriter's Bible. Will answer all your formatting questions and more.
The demon head statue is straight out of Exorcist, but it seems intentional on your part. Kind of like an homage to that movie. The whole archaeological dig and hot sun reminded me a lot of Max Von Sydow finding the demon head.
Page 22: Mickey is the most amusing character so far... "He'll kill you, then kill you again!" Funny. "There a bunch of idiots but they pay the rent".
"Nathan's men have caught up with us! That's not the worst part! They're vampires!" Funny bit. This is your running gag in the script and you keep the jokes coming at just the right places. That's really the heart of your story.
Sort of a Shaun of the Dead thing going on here. Very dry, Brit humor. Lots of shifty foul mouthed low lives making tongue and cheek jokes is pretty standard for British horror and gangster films. It stays within said genre and does very well in this respect. Guy Ritchie flicks.
It's making me laugh pretty hard, although I couldn't care less about the plot. I actually gave up on trying to follow all of these characters. There's a few too many for this type of movie. The characters should be kept to a minimum in a trapped in a house formula.
Jack is reminding me a lot of Ralph Fiennes in In Bruges. It's very "smart" humor that some people just get, while others need an explanation. I get it. I like it a lot.
Spontaneously combusting vampires is From Dusk Till Dawn. You might catch some hell for this. Or maybe they can turn into evil spirits and leave their bodies.
I like Billy and Jack's back and forth while battling the vampires. Pretty amusing stuff and some of the best parts of your script. The three-way talk with Jack, Billy and Mr. James made me laugh out loud more than a few times. I love all the talk about The Monday Man and how you don't fuck with him. This character is really played up for laughs. Reminds me of Keyser Soze in Usual Suspects.
The real comedy really comes from Jack and Billy's realization that they're actually battling zombies, vampires and monsters and how hard that is to accept. I like the one-liners these guys drop while in the middle of fighting these creatures.
I'm not a huge fan of these Brit dark comedies, but this made me laugh out loud in a lot of places. The dialogue in spots seemed amateurish, but in other spots was brilliant! You could say the dialogue teeter totters from great to not so great. I can see you were very involved in the writing of your vampire attacks at the house, but not so much outside of this. Almost as if you were trying to get Billy and Jack to this house in order to start your real story, but weren't sure how to get there.
I will have to say the whole build up and basically everything that happens before they are locked in the house is fairly weak. I wasn't invested in this story at all until the vampires started wreaking havoc. From then on, I was laughing and along for the crazy ride. But I was losing my patience by the time it took me to get there. My advice is to rework your first act and make it just as amusing and tongue and cheek as the rest of your story.
Jack's voice overs were the best written parts of your script. Very street smart, very clever ideals and words that Jack lives by. I loved these.
Like I said, I'm not crazy about these zombie comedies but you did it as well, and in some cases, better than ones I've seen.
You have a true gift for sarcasm and dry humor. It's a hard thing to pull off and you do it very well.
4 out of 5 for me!