I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
First EGAD format fried. RTF is not a screenwriter's friend. That said though, the opening was compelling enough for me to keep going.
Pros: Compelling opening. It's a tad overwritten and the camera directions annoyed me because they were distracting and unneeded, but again, it was compelling.
Cons: The characters and dialog are pretty much unchanged from the original.
Rewrite wise
Pros: Yep, a hook I did not expect to make me want to read more. I was looking for an emotional hook and a tie to the main character, but you sold me on the opening to want to know more.
Cons: Titus is absent and the characters are still flat, outside the knew ones that you created.
But it makes my must read more list. I look forward to seeing where the opening heads.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
First EGAD format fried. RTF is not a screenwriter's friend. That said though, the opening was compelling enough for me to keep going.
Pros: Compelling opening. It's a tad overwritten and the camera directions annoyed me because they were distracting and unneeded, but again, it was compelling.
Cons: The characters and dialog are pretty much unchanged from the original.
Rewrite wise
Pros: Yep, a hook I did not expect to make me want to read more. I was looking for an emotional hook and a tie to the main character, but you sold me on the opening to want to know more.
Cons: Titus is absent and the characters are still flat, outside the knew ones that you created.
But it makes my must read more list. I look forward to seeing where the opening heads.