All Reviews

I thought this was a terrific script. I myself am not a writer, but an artist and I could definitely see how in the right hands this could be a beautiful looking film which could compliment the terrific dialog.

I did read a review of the previous version which said that Veda was originally his girlfriend? I am glad you changed that. It helps it feel like there is an actual connection and a reason why he should still care about her. She may be crazy, but she's family.

Page 89 says:
SARA
What did you see in her?

I'm guessing that is left in from the girlfriend version?

I do like that Sara and Danny developed a real connection through the story. It didn't feel forced or one of those action movie romances where they like each other just because they're in danger together. The arc with Tom felt real enough, as well. Everyone seemed real enough with real justification for their fear of reality. Ford seemed the least fleshed out, but in the scheme of the story he is more of a minor character.

I like how you don't jump into the story too quickly, many writers will open with a sequence of importance, which can be effective, but for stories that involve emotion as much, or more than action, I find it can catch the audience off guard. I mean, the story is important, but the opening with the audience is a great way to draw attention to the screen and not to the conversation people would be having before the lights dim.
I like how it is clear who is who, and to make this statement at the beginning of the movie is great.
One problem on page three, with the repetition of play-. I can tell that you are one not to interfere much with what actors have to do. Some writers will jam their actors with stage direction after stage direction. Directions limit how much the actors can act. I know it sounds a little crazy, but While writing a script, especially a first draft, you should leave directions to a minimum. Camera and technical notes are a little different (I can see you didn't go into specifics with that,) but actors can feel more natural without a whole crew of writers, producers, directors, and anybody else on set telling them where to go.
I feel that I'm commenting too much, but I really love how many good writers will associate lead actors with a key object as well, as in the book kaleidoscope eyes the lead has a kaleidoscope they love.
EVENT: When Sara is reading the notes, I can see that you are becoming uncomfortable with your righting, because the notes start to become tighter, as in taking charge of something. I may be wrong; that you just convey tension by using notes like that, though in other people's writing it tends to be a re-occurrence, the stiffening of ideas ten-twenty pages in. I like, though, how when that scene is going on, you write more notes, as if slowing down cameras and the story.
I like how it seems that a story evolves in no time at all! I know that sounds like a witty joke, but I am serious. When “the silences” is revealed, I feel like the story unfolds at a very steady pace, which is absolutely great!'
Page 28 - one question, I don't get if you meant when you said "The world is frozen. There is some snow falling;" If you meant that there is snow, actually falling, in motion, or is it frozen while falling.
I found myself worried at page 35 if the story was going to take longer to evolve than preferred, and at 40 I'm actually sort of annoyed, though at least there is some questionable commotion with the pot, coat, and Tom.
The ballet is a little bit random, though I can see some meaning into characterizing Richards a little more, which I applaud you on, as I like characterization a lot. Also in the hall of characterization I love on page 50 how you bring Danny back as not as much of a big jerk this time, And of course Tom. He has a personality and a heart now!
Finally! The bad guy! Page 58-a little late, but in some ways, perfect timing. You tend to like to establish things at the beginning rather than reveal them as you go along, which could be your greatest strength, or your greatest weakness, because you could end up having this movie be a success, and you wouldn't rush it, (which is good!) or you could have this movie be a success (that's definite in my mind,) and when writing another movie, have another movie when you establish everything beforehand, and THEN start the story (which would prove to be the same as your first movie, and possibly success, but easily and more likely, a failure, which DEFINITLY doesn't mean that I dislike your writing, just that it can get old when writing multiple movies.)
OK finally we have action in the story. I love the way that action sequences are made more interesting with the silences and stoppage of time. I am hooked on this movie already, though with the actual conflict now, it is starting to have more meaning.
Your characters are so in touch with their emotions and are so life-like that I can imagine something like this actually happening. It would also make a great TV series, though the subject was already touched on by the movie Jumper (2008). Though that movie is good, and this script could actually be better!
OK, now dragging the FBI and Richards and Ford into this is great! Movies when a team is working toward a goal are always better, and with Richards trying to stop Sara I can see the story’s complexity is going sky high! Great!
I have so many Ideas for this movie and the Ideas I had are getting flattened by the script because they are written in, which is annoying, but just because I'm jealous of your writing, so kudos for the detail in character expression!
When you Intercut Veda, I think that to not interfere with the following of the viewers that just a voice over, or even a split screen would do you well, though I don't want to make up your mind for you. So just take it as a suggestion. Though now that I wrote that I CAN see in my head the intercut, so do whatever. :)
I think it's a great Idea to use stills on page 84, though as well as the intercut, It may just be your bored mind wanting to do something interesting, and believe me, I do that sometimes, but I almost always end up cutting it in the end.
I LOVE it! the end has a certain twist on it, but it's not the twist you would expect, it's great, I'd love to see this in theaters soon!

I'm sorry if there are a few errors in my writing, but I rote the review in word initially, so it translated a few things oddly.
I love the script, though, and If you want a test movie on it I recommend Francisco Ruiz Who's work on "I think my Facebook Friend is Dead" is wonderful, so I think he could convey your story very well.

Stopping time on and off will almost always slow a screenplay to a crawl. Here Scott manages to usethe time stops to good advantage although I think he could lower theamount of times it's done and let more happen during those intervals.

Overall it works.

I though this story was fabulous! I loved the way the characters were developed, messy and believable. Great story arc. I thought the time silencing concept was really well done. I thought Danny's backstory was great. The only thing I missed was at the end whether Richards changed his business practices after his experiences with Sara and Danny, a minor quibble. I only care because you took the time to develop Richards character; your audience may also care about his future. Clearly, he lets Sara out of the building, but would that be enough for Sara? Just a thought. Overall, it was really excellent work. Thanks for sharing it!

I thought the premise if the script might be a little predictable but I found myself caught up in the storys turns. Very good script, although I personally like a good twist at the end of a movie and this just didn't have that, it felt a little familiar. With the concept of stopping time, I felt there could be an opportunity for a different ending, perhaps leaving some things open (a sequel maybe?). I'm not sure how I feel about Sara being "imprisoned", something there just doesn't seem believable (I am aware that this might sound ridiculous seeing how the movie is based on the idea of stopping time).
Overall I really enjoyed it. I felt like I could imagine this being a fantastic film. Although as a 28 year old male, the whole genre here appeals to me. Either way, good job and I hope to see this in production one day.

Another good script from Scott. All the components - premise, story, characters, emotion - combined to create a thoroughly enjoyable read. Personally, I feel the theme of loneliness and isolation could have been developed more, to really lift the script and add to the emotional impact.

Great balance, with the premise, story structure and emotion. Really felt it. I would suggest a few breaking the ice moments so that the audience can take a breather.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story!