I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: Characters are fleshed out a bit more with distinct personalities.
Cons: Description and action are too heavy for a screenplay, although well written, it slows the read down way too much. The dialog was a weird mixture of modern and old, both in phrasing and subject. That didn't work for me, but a matter of taste.
Rewrite
Pros: Titus on page one! Other characters a bit more fleshed out, got to the action right away.
Cons: Just not quite enough development of Titus to hook me. There was a great opportunity to reveal something about him with the woman in his bed. Does he kiss her goodbye? Does he throw her money? Give her a "get out" glare? I wanted to care about the hero more.
I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.
Pros: Characters are fleshed out a bit more with distinct personalities.
Cons: Description and action are too heavy for a screenplay, although well written, it slows the read down way too much. The dialog was a weird mixture of modern and old, both in phrasing and subject. That didn't work for me, but a matter of taste.
Rewrite
Pros: Titus on page one! Other characters a bit more fleshed out, got to the action right away.
Cons: Just not quite enough development of Titus to hook me. There was a great opportunity to reveal something about him with the woman in his bed. Does he kiss her goodbye? Does he throw her money? Give her a "get out" glare? I wanted to care about the hero more.